Highlights of my Day... Sunday, May 27

1. Rolled out of my sheets around noon and headed out for a run. Wasn't quite successful though cause as I got down to the main floor lobby of my building, the security man stopped me and gave me banana milk. Sat around with him for a bit and then headed back home, totally forgetting why I had gone down there in the first place... hehehe.

2. My failed attempt to go jogging was the closest I got to actually leaving my house today. For the rest of the day I hibernated in my house and finally got down to business with my school work. Spent about 3 hours making a practice exam PowerPoint presentation in which I then had to email to all 200 students. Then I spent another good 2-3 hours typing up the actual exam.

3. In between doing the practice exam and typing the real exam up, I allowed myself some down time and so I peeled myself away from the computer screen to play soccer with Mi Nam in the house and to bust some funky moves to some old skool music. I'm trying to figure out what to do for my next dance video.

4. Got chatting to Do Chun on msn. We once went on a date in Seoul back in the day but we're cool. I gave him a quick Korean history lesson on Yu Kwon Soon... She's a wicked role model. Do Chun may be Korean born but he was raised in America. Anyway, he's quite sarcastic like me and it was nice to vent to him about an issue that's been weighing heavy on my chest lately.... Pretty Boy.

5. The other day I talked to my ex on msn, my ex being Ryan. It was quite strange to talk to him after all this time but it was good. I know that we have our differences and despite the ugliness that stained our relationship at the end of it all, I still think he's an awesome guy. I know we will never be "us" again but I think of him from time to time. He's in everything around me... he's in the bedsheets that I sleep in (they were once his), the scooter helmet that sits on my stairs, the Park Ji Sung jersey that hangs in my office, the speakers that sit on my desk, the pickles that are pushed to the back of my fridge, the blown out light bulb,.. he's even in the big scratch in my hardwood floor. No matter how much I think I am over him, I still carry with him. He showed me love. He taught my heart how to open up and really love someone for everything they are, strengths and weaknesses. I think of him from time to time and still do care about him, that's a given. Although we ended on ugly terms, I can't really remember the ugliness and instead am quite surprised at how I still think of him as beautiful. He may have not been romantic by my terms but he did try. He was always there to help me and I always thought he was so smart, I loved that.

6. Having said this, I realized that Pretty Boy could never be Ryan to me. I know it's not a matter of comparing the two but Ryan was a really awesome guy, just not the guy for me. And so, what's the deal with Pretty Boy? Tonight I talked to him on the phone. He didn't know that my friend was on msn listening in to the conversation... I had left the msn microphone on while he and I talked. My friend was in shock at what he heard and said very little except for the fact that he didn't think that our conversation sounded like one between a girlfriend and her boyfriend.

7. I tried to go to sleep early cause I had to be up tomorrow at 6am but I couldn't help but think about what my friend said. I think the fact that I lost two friends for this relationship already put a lot of pressure on us. Him moving way out to Incheon just added to this pressure. But lately he's changed... he complains about not wanting to worry about me and so this in turn worries me.

8. And so, in my moment of weakness, as I laid in bed totally thinking too into the whole situation, I text messaged Byung Hyuk. Pretty Boy had told me not too and, up until tonight, I hadn't. I agreed to Pretty Boy's request. He had told me that I didn't need friends like that cause I had him, I had Pretty Boy... but, where was Pretty Boy tonight after he totally was a punk on the phone... probably kicking it back with the boys and enjoying the rest of his evening while my evening was shot.

9. I still stand by my comment saying that I think Drama Boy is immature and I still think it's wrong that Byung Hyuk left me the way that he did but, you know what, we all make our mistakes. We're not perfect... we're only doing what we think is best. Was my decision to make a couple with Pretty Boy the best decision? I don't know but at the time I thought it was. If only I knew what I knew now, I know for a FACT that I would have done things differently. I can't go back and change history though. I can only learn from my past mistakes and hope to not repeat them.

10. So, on that note, I cried in my bed, totally regretting the lost of my two friends. I love Pretty Boy but I love my friends too, even if they are childish and give me silly stress at times. They were really good to me. They took me bowling, taught me how to fish Korean style, taught me how to snowboard, and really helped me go through my whole disastrous break-up with my ex. I know I've said some not-so-nice things about them but most of those things were said cause I was upset and bitter... and confused. Seeing "him" yesterday really hurt me when I saw him try so hard to avoid me. I'm assuming that Byung Hyuk won't message me back but I just wanted him to know that I missed the both of them so much. It's been so long since I've talked to them or even said their names and so I don't think I even spelt their names right in the text message.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
Can we ever get back what we once had?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
-- Mahatma Gandhi