2. I thought I’d be quite the sweetie and help Ladybug out by pairing her up with that particular male student for partner work. They sat together for the whole class despite pairing work being long over and with every little giggle she gave, I couldn’t help but smile. Oh to be in that stage again, when everything’s so fresh and interesting, and the crush is just blooming.
3. In between classes I got quite the strange phone call from some guy.
Guy: Amy, where are you?4. At first I thought it might be Mr. Not-So-Nice Guy.. who’ve I’ve temporarily been juggling renaming him Wonder Bread, as in something you thought was a great idea from the start but then realized there’s so many things so much better than simple sliced bread. Anyways, it wasn’t him. I could tell by his voice. So off I went to class but no mystery caller was there.
Me: I’m at work, in my office. Who is this?
Guy: Where is your next class?
Me: Humanities building, room 214.
Guy: OK, I go there for you.
5. Class continued on as usual and I forgot all about my mystery caller but then it happened… my classroom door swung open and in dashed one of my Tuesday morning students holding a coffee and a letter. He nervously placed down the coffee on my desk and handed me the letter. “What… what are you doing?” I asked. “Please, I’m so sorry. Please.. please read letter” he mumbled out and then out the classroom he scooted, leaving me speechless and in front of 30-some students all eagerly watching.
6. I guess I should correct myself and tell you that he’s actually not one of my students, he attends my class but is on my coworker’s attendance list. He’s attended all my classes, has done my quizzes, homework and even did my midterm, convinced that he was my student. So now the problem is that he’s failing my coworker’s class, obviously because he’s been coming to mine, but he’s a very much appreciated humorous addition to my blah Tuesday morning class with his “free hug” jokes and I’ve nicknamed him “Strange Boy” and he likes it… hahaha. However, it’s too late for him to be officially switched on the register. I was already hoping to talk to my coworker and sort this all out but he’s totally brave attempt at attacking the situation was awesome. No sooner had he left the class but I told the class we’d have a break and off I went to talk to my coworker. Mission accomplished.
7. My last class today, which is also my last class of the week, is my reading class that’s packed with numerous returning students of mine. They kicked major butt on their exams and so today I joked around with them and told them I was convinced (sarcastically that is) that they all cheated on my exam… hahaha. “I love you but you’re all a bunch of cheaters!” I blurted out. Of course they didn’t cheat, I was only joking, but wow… they’re not only super adorable and super sweet but they’re also super intelligent. They are ALL that!!!
8. I had my weekly meeting in Seoul at KBC to attend and so off to Seoul I raced for that. “I have good news and bad news for you” KBC Kim told me when I arrived. Turns out the bad news included the fact that the May 22nd tournament has been changed to May 29th but the good news is that I’ve scored a fight at it! Sweet!!! Mind ya, they still haven’t officially appointed me an opponent yet but there’s still 4 weeks till game day. The game is set to take place in Seoul and will be broad casted by SBS.
9. I didn’t stick around after the meeting to have dinner with them because I had another dinner to race off to. This Saturday two of my friends are getting married, not to each other but in two separate weddings, meaning that I’m double-booked. Both brides aren’t close to me but regardless, it’s their special day and so I want to celebrate both. Tonight I met up with one of the brides for dinner in Seoul. Her nerves are already shot although the wedding is still a couple of days away. She’s convinced the rain is going to kill her day, just like the other bride mentioned. “Rain is good luck” I told her. “Ya, thanks… this coming from someone who doesn’t believe in luck” she told me. “That’s true. I don’t believe in luck but some do… you do. Don’t worry. Rain or sunshine, it doesn’t really matter. You’ll still be the happiest of girls on Saturday.”
10. As for me, I much rather have the literal rain from the skies than the rain that belted down on my shoulders tonight in the wee hours. It was funny, not funny as in ha-ha funny but funny as in how I consider myself to be very stubborn with my thinking and whatnot but I repeatedly seem to make exceptions to my rules, if you’d like to call them that, with regards to matters of the heart. Well, tonight I reached my limit, my breaking point. I reached it at exactly 4:14am and so I picked up the phone and called Q. The call lasted only a measly 2 minutes and 55 seconds. He didn’t say anything until I told him good-bye, in which he then blurted out “I love you”. When I hung up I knew he wouldn’t call back. We’ve exhausted this and neither him nor I fight for each other anymore. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t see I’m worth fighting for and I sure as hell don’t want to fight to try to convince some guy that I am worth the fight, that’s just embarrassing and frankly not necessary. I may have my faults but I also know my worth. He just doesn’t get me and I’m so done feeling like I’m fighting for his attention. I didn’t cry like I thought I would but instead laid my head down and went back to sleep.
QUESTION OF THE DAY...
How did we get this far off the path?
QUOTE OF THE DAY...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
-- Victor Frank
12 comments:
Yo Am, welcome to the wonderful world of Singles again. This time around try to enjoy the ride more and don't be so quick to get off the ride. We always want what we don't have so enjoy being single and wait for the right one. Things will work out.
Amy single? What?!!!!! I doubt you'll be single for long Amy. Girls like you don't last long in the single market.
Marry me, I beg you!
I'd fight for you as would many.
Despite you saying that you didn't cry, I can only assume that you're feeling hurt and disappointed right now; that is understable.
You have it all Amy -- smarts, skills, talents, wit, and beauty -- don't share it with just anyone.
I've been reading your HP for awhile now and had started back when you were with your ex, BR. You adored him but he just wasn't all that to you, nor was Q. You may say you're this tuff cookie but when it comes to love you wear your heart repeatedly on your sleave. Tuck it away for someone who'll work for it. Then, and only then, should you put it all out there for them. Let him be the one to put his heart out there for you first.
Like somebody said before, please stay single for a while. It will give you some perspective about yourself and what you really want. You obviously want a relationship, and that's why you start dating somebody new as soon as you break up, but there may be something to be learned here. Concentrate on you for a while and ask yourself WHY are you dating these people, what you want to get out of it (companionship, a future, sex). Whatever it is, be clear on it, so when you're ready to date again, things might be easier.
Hey Everyone,
I'm not really into talking about "it" right now but thanks for the comments and encouragement. I'm okay though, so don't worry. This was an expected situation.
And no, I'm not accepting or even considering any marriage proposals right now... haha. Nor am I interested in dating so don't worry Anonymous. Having said that though, I never was one to start dating as soon as I break up with anyone, maybe back in university but that's so not me. Sorry but you must have mistaken me for someone else.
"Having said that though, I never was one to start dating as soon as I break up with anyone, maybe back in university but that's so not me."
Maybe you define "soon" differently.
Hi Anonymous,
Maybe... probably. So, how do you define "soon"... honestly, I want to know cause getting my heart crushed isn't exactly a new hobby I want to take up so I could use all the advice you're willing to give.
Amy, read over your own blog. How long was it after you dumped your ex-fiance before you had a new boyfriend? How long between Busan Dude and Q? You've said in the past "no more dating! I'm going to be single for a while!" And it doesn't stick. I know other posters have called you on how it doesn't stick.
Sure, it's not "as soon as" you break up with someone. But...you do SEEM to LOVE the idea of being in love, or being in a relationship.
Note, I said "seem." I can't get in your head and I'm not trying to. But perhaps taking some time to reflect on what EXACTLY you want and why you put up with Q when you seemed so unhappy would be good.
(You did say repeatedly that you put up with things from him that you would never put up with in Canada. Why? Are you unhappy in Korea? Are you afraid of being alone in Korea? Are you being tooooo flexible because your boyfriends aren't Canadian?)
I'm not saying you should answer those question in your comments or even on your blog. But maybe taking the TIME to ask and answer the questions would be good.
Of course, the answers to your questions will probably change and become clearer as time goes on and as you become more distant from the relationship.
In any case, there are my two cents. And worth about that much, as well.
Good luck.
I second that last comment. You have never taken much time to jump back into dating after breaking up with somebody. If you look back to your own posts, you'll see that time between partners is short, even after you've said "no more dating." I do believe it's like the previous poster said: you can't stand being alone, so you date, even if the person you're going out with doesn't match what you were looking for. Maybe there's something there you need to explore. Maybe there's a deeper reason you can't be alone for anything longer than a few weeks. Understanding what's driving you from one relationship to the next so quickly could help you make the next one better.
Sorry for your pain, but I applaud your strength to end something you weren't happy with.
As a former serial dater myself (time between boyfriends was usually 1 week-3 months) who would have responded in a similar fashion to you when someone pointed it out to me, I will say that I now understand "soon" to be within 3 or 4 months (that's right... months, not weeks, certainly not days) if the relationship went more than a year or involved deep feelings. Give yourself the time to heal. Minimum 90 days before you hang out with anyone you'd be remotely interested in dating. It won't be easy, but I PROMISE it will help.
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