Goldie Gets Smacked at the Store... Friday, July 15

And here I thought Asian women were the wrost drivers, that's what my friends in Canada always said, but ironically all the accidents any one of our family of machines -- Goldie, Gotti, Maximus, or Kaito -- have been in they've all been connected to Asian men.

Are Asian men the worst drivers or is it just that there's more of them driving and thus upping the possibilities? Hmmm... all I know is that tonight we got into yet another accident with Goldie, our car. Goldie is a big beast of a woman that was given to us by a boxing sponsorer. She's built like a tank, has plenty of room for us to carry our furry four-legged extended family members and she's never let us down. In a lot of ways she reminds me of my mom's nasty old station wagon that took way too many beatings for it's time but kept on trucking away. I remember once, after my mom had loaded her up with all us kids and her babysitting kids we headed off to the lake but then she choked. My mom had to driver her backwards all the way home and leave it to us kids to think this was the coolest adventure yet!!

But anyways, back to Goldie.

Goldie is a magnet for trouble, we’re convinced of this and the proof is in the number of accidents she’s been in, of which I should note only two were of her wrong doing, and by “her” I mean Snickers being in the driver’s seat.

1. Driver exiting the underground parking tapped our car = minor scratch on the door
2. Unavoidable collision when we slide down an ice-slick hill in winter = scratched front bumper
3. Snickers backed up into a short barrier pole at Adidas = small dent in the side
4. Snickers backed up into a poll at the chicken soup restaurant = small dent in the back
5. While waiting at a red light Snickers was rear ended = scratches on the back bumper
6. Front corner of the car got nicked by some kid on a bike = no damage but a big commotion
7. TODAY’s parking garage minor collision = scratched paint on the side door

Of the seven accidents, only #3 and #4 were Snickers’ fault. Number 2 was unavoidable in that there was nothing we could do but brace ourselves. The weather was brutal, roads were icy and neither the breaks not steering helped. Number 5 scored us a lot of money. Number 7, today’s accident, scored us a full pocket wad full of cash. Personally I felt bad for the guy who hit us in accident number seven. Not only did he just hit our car and dish out money for that but his buddy in the front seat had just puked his brains out both in and outside of the car and his girlfriend in the backseat was giving him a hard time. “And she’s so ugly” Snickers added… hahaha.

Accident number 6 was the scariest though. We were on our way back to Ggum Guum from Snickers’ mother’s house when we made a right hand turn and jetting right into on-coming traffic jetted two teens on bicycles. The first one cleared the front of our car but the second one clipped the front. I didn’t know what part of him had hit the car and it’s not that I was worried about the car, gosh no, but I was thought for sure the hit would make the kid’s bike spin out of control. The particular intersection this occurred at has four lanes of traffic for each direction so the road is 8 lanes wide.

I was freaked out but Snickers was ticked. He spun the car around. It felt like we did a 360 right there on the spot – holy James Bond move!!! What ended up happening was we chased down the two kids, totally ignoring the set of lights and oncoming traffic. I told Snickers to stop but if you know Snickers, you know that once he has something in his head there’s no stopping him.

The two boys and their bikes had stopped at LotteMart so we quickly pulled up beside them and literally jumped out of the car. Snickers gave them an earful, telling them to be more careful unless they want to die young. It was obvious the two boys were shook up, as were both Snickers and I, and they continually apologized. I asked them if they were ok and they said yes but that the one felt sick from the close call.

I seriously felt like I was going to poop my pants when it happened. If that kid had have been one second slower, his bike would have spun out of control and he probably either would have gone under the car and crushed or would have been thrown into the oncoming traffic and hit. But despite the fact these two boys were in the wrong and Snickers wasn’t breaking any road/driving rules when it happened, if they had been seriously hurt it the authorities would have pointed their fingers at him.

“I hope you believe in God” I told the kid, “because tonight you almost died!”

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
Do you believe in God?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
-- Ronnie Shakes