One More Hug Please... Friday, July 29

Helped my mother pick out the flowers for her funeral today.

“Am I the only one freaked out by this scene?” I asked Snickers as my mom continued to talk with the visiting florist. But this is the reality, my mother is dying.

I’ve been in Canada only two days now but the harsh reality of my mother’s illness has hit me like a ton of bricks and is sinking in. She’s been fighting cancer now for a couple of years and I knew she was doing really bad but when they told me she’s in the palliate care wing of the hospital I knew it was bad. I’m relieved to know she’s not in any pain. They’re not treating her with any drugs or any kind of treatment; they’re just making sure she’s comfortable.

She’s had a lot of time to mentally prepare herself for the enviable but those of us around her seem to be doing worse than her, mentally. Both Snickers and I are staying at my parents’ house, so I’ve been cooking up a storm for my dad, making sure he eats well, eats right and eats at all. We’ve loaded up his fridge and cupboards with foods that we’ve promised to teach him how to cook and when we’re not at the hospital by my mom’s side we’re at home by my father’s side. Visiting friends and going out to have fun aren't even a thought in my mind right now because heaven help I go somewhere, something happens and my dad can't get a hold of me.

It’s been a year since I last saw my mother and thank God she was sleeping when I arrived at the hospital to see her. She’s no longer the curvaceous woman with the long luscious brown locks. Instead, she’s sporting a short bob cut and is much tinier than me, dropping from 250lbs to about 110lbs.

She’s still my mom, just a smaller and sleepier version.

My concern though is with my father, the faithfully devoted man who has made my mom the apple of his eye for over 40 years. For over 40 years my mom has ruled his universe and they’ve been unsperateable. I don’t know how he’s continued on for as long as he has and how he’s been so strong with the situation regarding my mother. I don’t know if I could do the same if I were in the same situation and Snickers was sick. It’d crush my spirit and I’d probably just sleep the days away. My father continues to be strong though and I think he really needed us to come visit him, if not to help him around the house but to give him a break from the sad situation at hand.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
Would you rather know or not know?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
I love you Canada mom.
-- Snickers