Today both Pyen Chi and I had a heart-moving morning when I decided it was about time I throw out Mi Nam’s old blanket. It was actually our bed under-padding but when we got a new one we decided to give our old one to Mi Nam. He loved it. He loved it so much that he refused to let Pyen Chi come close to it so then we had to get Pyen Chi her own blanket. I’ve been holding off on what to do with this padding. It’s been laying on the floor, under the desk and under Mi Nam little red bed, and I haven’t been able to bring myself to move it since Mi Nam died.
I thought about donating it to the animal shelter out in Asan but it got splattered with blood, Mi Nam’s blood, in his last remaining moments so I just want to get it out of the house. I need to get it out of the house.
Today it left the house.
I scooped it up and got quite teary eyed when I accidently lost grip of part of it. It unfolded a bit and there before me was Mi Nam’s blood out in the open, exposed. I was quite to pick up the end that unfolded but then a wave of Mi Nam’s smell hit me. Pyen Chi started to bark… bark so loudly and continually.
When I returned from taking it outside, Pyen Chi was huddled near the desk, backing at Mi Nam’s little red bed that remained. I think I’ll keep it there. My mom had sent Mi Nam a little stuffed dog which Snickers and I called June Bug, as a kind of joke because my father is petrified of them. June Bug remains in Mi Nam’s red bed and the little red bed is still under the desk.
For the rest of the day, Pyen Chi stayed beside the desk and randomly she’d moan and whimper. Occasionally she’d bark, too. I caught a bit of it on my cell phone video but haven’t figured out how to upload it onto my computer.
It was quite freaky.
Pyen Chi is a huge fan of naps but today her naps were suddenly and continually interrupted with her popping her head up and glaring at Mi Nam’s bed. It was almost as if he – or something – was in the little red bed. I definitely believe in spirits and in angels, and I believe that some people linger around before “moving on”, but I don’t know if I believe if animals do the same thing. I’ve never really thought of it before.
All I know though is that I’ve been really struggling with Mi Nam’s death, much more than ever expected and I can say honestly that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t get choked up over him. Whether it’s walking by where he’s now buried, seeing his collar at the door, or even saying his name, I find myself shocked by just how much I miss my four-legged little friend, Mi Nam. I don’t know if I’ll ever love Pyen Chi like how I love Mi Nam. I don’t know if I’ll ever let myself to do so or if I even want to do so. All I know is that I miss him so damn much and today it definitely felt like he was here once again.
As the story has it, one day I headed to the opposite side of the globe – the Flipside. I arrived in Korea February 16th, 2005 and thought I’d do a year, then leave. I was wrong. I stayed, launched my first company, Flipside Fitness, and then opened Korea's largest boxing club, Hulk's Boxing (now called Hulk's Club).
After 11.5yrs in Korea, I then picked up one day and returned to Toronto, Canada. But then I left again.
Now I live in the Philippines where I am the CEO and head coach of Empowered Clubhouse, the Philippines' first and only boxing clubhouse exclusively just for women. I also am the founder of the Lil' Sistas Project, CEO and designer of Slay Gear and Baa Baa Black Sheep .Ph.
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