In Honor of a Beautiful Woman... Wednesday, August 24

Today I looked out my mother's hospital window one last time and felt so proud of her.
Despite her enormous pain and suffering, she stayed positive, stayed true to her faith and never doubted her beliefs. My dad often calls me by my mom's name, accidently of course, and though we joke about it I am very much flattered. I may be the boxer but my mom was always tougher than me.

Today at 4am my mom got the last laugh not cancer, as she left for a brighter and happier place, singing and smiling with God, leaving cancer all by its miserable self and my brother holding her hand.

The past couple of days have been really hard to handle so her moving on came with such relief. Prior to today I cried a lot and choked back the tears because I hated helplessly standing by and watching her in pain, it was heartbreaking, and it made me so angry to be so helpless but now all her pain is gone and I no longer cry.

Her pain is gone so I am happy; I am happy for her. She's just so deserving of all the skipping and singing, giggling and smiling, and all the mounds of beauty that's now waiting for her in Heaven. She lived an honest and righteous life, a life that she will now be rewarded for, and so I can not be selfishly sad for myself that she is gone. She may not be physically here but she is bound to remain in the hearts and thoughts of not only me but so many.

God gave me a strong, tough-love woman to be my mother, a loving lady to be my father's wife, a compassionate companion to be a friend to many, and a loyal disciple to be an example to others.

She will be missed, she will always be loved, but she will never be forgotten and we will once again see her so it is with a heavy heart but a relieved mind that I say "See you soon Mama-Mia" to my mother and an "after awhile crocodile".

Who wears short-shorts?! Richard Simmons does and he loves them, and if at his age he's still loving them then who are we to do anything but love him for loving them!!!

Short-Shorts for Saturday... Saturday, August 20

I headed off to the Can Fit Pro show in Toronto today. I was very hesitant to go because of my mom's condition, well that and the fact that I didn't really want to go alone. But I went alone anyways and good call on that because I met so many people, learned so many things about different products and training info, and had so much fun!!!

I wore one of my UP Boxing Club shirts to represent and good call on that too. Scored some free stuff because of it!

My friends joke and say that my pores must give off the smell of kimchi because it seems every where I go I am always approached by Koreans, today was no differ. A small group of university kids approached me, they spoke very little English so we chatted for a bit.
Meeting up with Sang Il was a sweet highlight of my day. He's a professional fitness trainer who ended up do a live interview with me in Korean. The big highlight for us both, I'm sure we'd both agree on this, was meeting Richard Simmons. Richard was hosting a live exercise show for any and all to participate in so Sang Il and I both took our shot at participating and making fools out of ourselves for the sake of having a good time.
Totally wasn't expecting Richard Simmons to ask to kiss my belly button though... hahaha.

Sang Il was much braver than me, daring to go on stage not once but twice and then busting a move on Richard... oh gosh. It was hilarious!!!

I had anticipated meeting Tosca Reno but with the massive line that was sure to cause an hour or two wait and I didn't have the time. I only had about half a day to myself before I was due back at the hospital so I stuck to taking her picture and checking out some of her new books.

I did in fact however get to meet Tosca's husband, Robert Kennedy. He publishes my beloved Oxygen Magazine, a fitness magazine for women that I absolutely love!

This picture was taken last year. Before, it was my mom who picked me up and took me places.

And it was my mom who bought me Tim Horton's coffee.

No longer can she take me places or share a Timmy's with me. Now days the hospital is the only place my mom takes me and that's cause she's not well enough to leave, and sipping on a Timmy's isn't quite the same.

Talk About a Heart Attack... Thursday, August 18

Thought my nightmare was my reality when I woke up to the sound of my doorbell ringing at the brutal crack of dawn.

I had slept in accidently, it was 6:30am, but was now wide awake and shaking like a leaf cause the doorbell rang. I raced down the stairs, missing about half of them. It was the front door that had rang. We never use the front door and instead have our friends and family use the side.

The front door ringing signals someone we don’t know.

I stood like a deer in the headlights, not knowing what to do. I knew that the individual patient room phones don’t allow any calls in or out during a set time so I thought for sure it was someone from the hospital coming to tell me bad news about my mother.

Then I opened the door, heart pounding.

Turns out it was a friend of the family whom I’ve grown up with. Aware of the fact that I run every day to the hospital she thought she’d try to catch me before I left and give me a ride. Talk about a huge feel of complete relief when I opened the door and saw her smiling face looking back at me.

I swung open the door and gave her a big hug.

She ended up treating me to a Tim Horton’s coffee and breakfast. We chatted for a bit and then she dropped me off at the hospital. Growing up she’s always been there for me, kind of like a second mom, and it was nice to know that even after all these years she’s still very much the same person to me.

I think this is my favorite picture I've taken since I arrived.
There's nothing in the world my father wouldn't do for my mother and I see it evident and so clearly with each day I am here.
I took this picture last night. My mother insisted on putting her hair in curlers for today's big anniversary celebration dinner but she was too weak to do them herself. My father has dyed and cut her hair before but never curlers. Tonight he put struggled but managed to put her hair in curlers so that she'd be happy.

A Night Out on the Town... Wednesday, August 17

43 years, that’s how long my parents have been married.

47 years marks how long they’ve been a couple and today marked their wedding anniversary.

Snickers is always claiming I’m stubborn but boy am I my mother’s daughter. If I’m supposedly so stubborn than she’s the queen of stubbornness. Despite her being all cooped up in a hospital, restricted to a hospital bed and dependent on others to do things that were once so easily done without ease, like sit up or comb her hair, she insisted we all go out to celebrate today.

Once my mother has an idea in her head it’s stuck and the only way to get it out of her head is to agree to it and do it, so that’s exactly what happened tonight. We went out to celebrate my parents 43 wedding anniversary.

And what a celebration it was… talk about mad prepping needed. Nurses were involved not only with getting my mom physically ready for the dinner but with picking out which restaurant to go to. My mom called to make the reservations. The doctor was involved with giving up instructions about the wheelchair and “what if” situations, I was in charge of bringing in dresses, shoes, and jewelry from home for my mother to pick from, my oldest brother and his wife had to make the journey down and arrange for their little girls to be looked after. My other brother was in charge of dealing with the taxi arrangements and wheelchair and my dad functioned as the coordinator connecting us all.

The dinner was a success… a huge success.

And for those couple of hours we had successfully escaped the hospital, had forgotten all about the heartbreaking situation our family has been consumed by, and were happy.

Notice anything wrong with this picture?!
Ya, this hand, in particular these two knuckles... not cool.

Pounding Away Brings More Stress... Tuesday, August 16

Ok, so I’ll admit it, I’m having a rough time.

My day consists of 6am military-style wake-ups that force me to pop out of the bed upon realizing I’ve hit the snooze button and then running off to the hospital while I’m mentally still back in bed. And then they end just around midnight after I’ve returned from the hospital with the smell of that place stuck in my nose.

My secret to my sanity has been exercising – always has been and probably always will be.

My rough time with spending countless hours at the hospital and going on limited sleep seeped it’s way into my weight training via a sand bag. I noticed the other day a sand bag located on the second floor of the gym I’m training out of here. I noticed also that I’ve been the only one to use it since I’ve discovered it.

I think I’ve found out why I’m the only one who uses it too. I think it’s been filled partially with rocks. With me having boxed for about five years now, I’ve had my share of pounding away on the sand bag. I’m definitely no stranger to it.

With no hand wraps on, I’ve been doing a lot of shadow boxing at this particular gym and keeping my sand bag work to light punches, focusing more on my combos and footing as opposed to the strength in my punches. Anyways, the other day I noticed this sand bag left my knuckles a bit red. They weren’t in pain, the skin was more or less just agitated, so I thought nothing of it.

Today I thought a lot of it.

I looked down after training and what should I see but low and behold my knuckles were puffing up and all red. I immediately iced it when I got back from training and I approached one of my mother’s nurses about it. She recommended Ibuprofen for the swelling and suggested I approach the gym and inquire about what exactly it is they put into that sand bag. Upon first touch, it feels normal but if you hit it a little harder, you can definitely tell there is something more solid inside.

Dare I say rocks perhaps?!

Bath time... and let me tell you, it was soooo good!!!

All Cleaned Up and No Place to Go... Monday, August 15

ME: I haven't had a bath in over 2 years... I think it's about time to indulge!
NAT: Wondered what that smell was.... :)
ME: Thanks Nat... I was quite proud to be stinky though. I worked up a hell of a sweat at training.

JAMES: Something about sitting in my own filth, it's not the rubber duckie moment it used to be...
ME: ... nasty! But let me tell you, it was well worth the bath. I had the bubbles going, candles,... I even took a 30 minute nap in it too!

Yes, today I thought it only right to totally pamper myself in a much-overdue bath. I set up quite the scene for it too in the bathroom with all the candles going, music playing, and bath water oils. I even treated myself to a small cup of homemade frozen yogurt with nuts and strawberries on top and a cool iced coffee to wash it all down. It was so relaxing though that I fell asleep. I dunk my head under the water with only my nose poking out and my arms behind my head, then fell asleep.

It was pure bliss.

My new home away from home.

Go extreme or go home... hahaha.

Scored a Biggie... Saturday, August 13

Scored a free gym membership today to a large fitness club, totally unexpectedly too. I had called them the other day and yesterday I went in to talk to them about buying a monthly membership. I had somewhat explained my situation to them, asking me to give me some kind of break because of my circumstances, well that and the fact that I only had $84 in my pocket to last me till September 9th.

And a break is EXACTLY what they gave me… if not more actually!!! Yesterday the manager and one of the trainers had agreed upon a price that was about 60% off but when they went to type it into the computer they couldn’t figure out how to work in the discounted price. It printed up as $0 being the price.

Sweet!!!

We all agreed to the $0 price – of course I agreed -- signed on the dotted line and now I have a one month membership to a rocking gym just a 10 minute BMX ride from my house that’s open from 5am till midnight… how awesome is that?!

Pretty awesome!!!

Got asked at the gym if I was 22, 23 by a 23 year old gym hottie and that totally made my day. He also claimed my legs were too short for the machines so I told him I’d have to punch him for that if he kept on throwing comments like that to me… hahaha. We ended up getting into quite the conversation and it felt so refreshingly great to be able to joke around, laugh and smile, and not have to deal with the question “How is your mom?” that’s been tying up my parent’s telephone line, making our doorbell ring nonstop, and bombarding me everywhere I go. It seems I’m only safe from that question when I’m out running or weight training so the roads and now the fitness gym are my safe havens here.

I spend an average of nine hours a day at the hospital. I start everyday off with a run to the hospital and then I return and spend my whole evening up until bedtime there.

And once again, working out has been my means of escape from it all.

An Escape from It All... Friday, August 12

I spend so much of my time at the hospital. I’ve been trying to head out to Toronto for boxing but it’s been so difficult to do so. Here’s what my schedule has evolved into...

6am – Wake up, get ready, head out for my morning run.
7am – Arrive at the hospital, help my mom wash up and wake up my dad.
8am – Breakfast with my parents in my mom’s hospital room.
11am – Run home (13km round trip run), shower and eat lunch.
12pm – Make a separate lunch for my dad and brother to eat.
2pm – Bike it out to Extreme Fitness for weight training.
4pm – Return home, shower and eat.
6:30pm – Make dinner for us all to eat.
7pm – Return to the hospital
11pm/midnight – Return home.

Cooking continues to be such a hassle. My brother, father and I all eat so differently. My brother is all about fast food – pizza, hamburgers, French fries, my dad is all about reheating the leftovers from my mom’s hospital meals or whatever is easy to eat like cereal, and I refuse to eat any of that stuff. Trying to convince them to eat healthier has been quite the task but if I carefully disguise what it is I’m really cooking my dad will try it.

With Canada grocery shops all stocking beautifully wrapped up spinach (which is quite opposite from Korea’s nasty ripped-right-out-of-the-ground-looking spinach) I’m on a huge spinach kick so I’ve been incorporating spinach into all my meals. My dad says he hates spinach but little does he know it was spinach in his omelet the other day, spinach in his pasta today, and spinach in his whole wheat tortilla shell yesterday.

We all went grocery shopping today so I tried to conveince them to buy healthier meal options and insisted they buy various fruits and veggies. My dad is old skool so he’s all about not wanting to waste what food is already in the house and lately he’s been obsessed with throwing everything into the freezer. I understand but he really needs to check the expiry dates cause salad dressing from 2005 is surely only going to kill your salad and leave your tummy turning. I figure I’ll eat my own meals and then cook something separately for the two of them to devour, so when my brother wanted to buy three pizzas and my dad wanted fried frozen fish, I agreed. I’ll cook it for them but doubt I’ll let it touch my lips.

Ran into an old friend of the family who stood looking at me, repeatedly telling me “You [Amy] still look exactly the same.” And I thought to myself, gosh I hope not! If I still look exactly the same from 12 years ago when she last saw me I must be doing something terribly wrong. If my dad wasn’t there right beside me I would have blurted out “but I grew breasts, for starters”, mind ya I also kind of lost them because of boxing… hahaha.

Ran into a Korean that knew me, well knew of me… very cool! I was standing at the front desk at Extreme, talking to one of the trainers when this Korean man walked by and said “Hey Cheonan sports girl, fighting!”

I got fitted the other day at La Senza (women’s underwear and bra shop) and was told I was too small for their sizes, chest size that is, not cup size. I have a 30inche chest but their sizes start 32inches.

Was told I was “so beautiful” by my mom’s new night nurse. I joked with her about it, telling her “and you’re an Asian so I know you know what you’re talking about”… hahaha. Gotta love the Asians!

A short video show and tell by my little niece. She said she wanted to learn some Korean so she could talk to Snickers so I taught her how to count to three and how to say hello/goodbye.

Early Bird Gets the Worm... Thursday, August 11

Visited my mother today in the morning. It’s a 13km run to go see her and though I showed up smelly and red faced from all that running, she burst into tears. She was so happy she cried.

“No one but dad [her husband – my dad] visits me in the morning. I have difficulties in the morning because of the morphine” she told me.
“That’s ok, we’ll go through those difficulties together if you want” I responded.
“Every morning?”
“Yes… if you want, every morning.”

Looks like I just agreed to run 13km on a daily basis… oh gosh… hahaha.

The lady is the next bed beside my mom got moved to another room on account that she needs to now be isolated. She’s got pneumonia now and is having a hard time getting in enough oxygen so she was recently put on a breathing machine. She never talks and the nurses claim that she’s mentally not aware of what’s going on but I think she’s aware and I think she’ll miss being in my mom’s room because though we never really talked to her we were the only company she consistently was greeted by.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
What do you do for the ones you love?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
It's never too much but it's never enough.
-- Hospital staff nurse

Love IS all around.

With hours to kill, we sat close to the arrival gate at the airport and watched all the people greet their arrived love ones. A lady sitting by me was waiting for some monks to arrive. She sat there with some plastic flowers she said were the traditional gift to give people from her country, and when she left she gave me one of her flowers... very sweet!

Then it was my turn to say goodbye to my love.

He said goodbye to me, we exchanged lots of kisses and hugs, and then he left.

Bye-Bye Beautiful Baby... Wednesday, August 10

Snickers has never traveled alone, even when he went to Japan he traveled with a friend. Today marked his first time and he was nervous about it. I had printed off a copy of the U.S. customs/immigration form and had filled it out for him. I even went so far as to type up a sheet of information for him, of which was a simple paragraph explaining his situation [returning to Korea from visiting his sick mother-in-law etc., etc.] to whomever he may need to explain it to like the immigration officer. Snicker’s English may have improved a lot but he still stumbles and doesn’t understand a lot. For example, when we were at the airport in San Francisco, this is the confusion he got himself into with the immigration officer.

Officer: Where are you coming from?
Snickers: Toronto [he was coming from Korea, going to Toronto]
Officer: No, where are you coming FROM?
Snickers: Oh… Korea. To Toronto.
Officer: What is your family name?
Snickers: Wife Amy, sisters Sun Hae and…. [listed off about 6 names before the guy stopped him]
Officer: What is your name?
Snickers: English name Bloom [this is where I was then waved over to help him]

My father joked with me the other day, telling him to tell Snickers to answer “I came from my mother’s womb” when they ask where did you come from… hahaha.

After I checked in his baggage and filled out the official U.S. customs form they gave him, I then walked with him to the main customs line doorway. I wasn’t allowed to go beyond that point so we stood there for a bit, hugging and me choking back the tears.

When I finally let him go and watched him continue on without me, I stood watching him. He then raced back, looking all confused and nervous. Apparently they had given him another form to fill out but he couldn’t understand even one word of it.

Turns out the form was all in French.

I asked for an English copy, filled it out and then again stood to watch him continue on without me. Little did I know or anticipate though but for the next forty minutes I’d be filling out the same form but for other Asians leaving Canada.

“You do realize you’re giving French copies of this form to people who already have a hard enough time with English, right?” I questioned the lady who was handing them out. She obviously didn’t care so I asked her for her name and for the name of her manager which then caused her to perk up and care but only for the sake of saving her own butt.
I ended up helping a Vietnamese couple with the form and a Korean couple who clearly didn’t speak a dime of English. It felt pretty cool to use my Korean language skills to help them out and they were so overly appreciative that they tried to offer me money. I refused the money and instead joked with them, telling them to save me some kimchi once I too return to Korea.

I watched Snickers as he slowly but surely made his way to through the long U.S. customs line. He kept his eye on me too and when he waved his last wave I couldn’t help but feel so sad to see him go off without me.

By the time I left the airport it was coming up to 6:30am. I still had about two and a half journey back to the hospital in my parents’ hometown so I grabbed a Tim Horton’s coffee and go going. Arrived at the hospital shortly after 9am.

Ended up staying all day at the hospital to greet various visitors coming to see my mom so I kept on drinking coffee. “Just hook me up to an IV and pump this beautiful caffeine into me please” I told the nurse. My oldest brother and his family came by the hospital so I played with my little nieces and didn’t get home till about 8:30pm.

No sooner did I arrive back at the house but then I crashed. I had been awake for 38 hours.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
Why is Tim Horton's coffee so darn addicting?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-- Author Unknown

Tonight Snickers said goodbye to my mom.

He kissed her one last time and paused to watch her sleep before he walked out. He knew full well that this would be the last time he saw her and he looked quite heartbroken because of this fact.

Tough Times Ahead... Tuesday, August 9

So Snickers and I made quite the decision the other day… I’m staying in Canada until September 9th.

Originally Snickers and I were supposed to leave this past Sunday but we changed our tickets to this Wednesday. Then, with the sudden drop in my mom’s condition and the doctor saying it’ll only be a week or so, if not days, we both agreed that I should stay longer.

We both wanted to stay but with Snickers being scheduled a September fight he has to buckle down and train for and the two dogs – Mi Nam being ok but Pyen Chi giving Snickers’ friend a hard time – it’s best he return.

Plans to get an early 3am ride into Toronto with one of my brother’s was a bust when he shot his mouth off at the hospital and I snapped at him. He made a sarcastic remark about my other brother, claiming that he wasn’t doing anything to support mom when we [the rest of us in the family] dropped everything to be here with mom. I really didn’t appreciate his comment and found it very disrespectful to my older brother.

“Don’t start” I warned him. “You didn’t drop anything. You came here, went to Montreal and then ate all the food I bought and I cooked…. Dropped everything?! I’m about to drop you!” I added, and with that my father and Snickers told me to stop.

I was so ticked off and couldn’t believe how ignorant he could be to his own lack of involvement. I wasn’t about to have my last remaining hours with Snickers be in the back seat of my brother’s car, sitting there in awkward silence, so I told them We’d find our own way to the airport.

And that’s exactly what we did. Considering what time the flight was, we ended up having to leave tonight because a morning train in wouldn’t get us there in time. So we took the GO Train to Toronto, jumped on the subway and then switched to a bus that then took us straight to the airport.

Arrived just after midnight. Flight is at 7am Wednesday.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
What are you ignorant to?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
-- Author Unknown

Look at this bad-boy bite on my arm!!! And look at this bad boy who bit me... nice guy... hahaha. I saught out revenge by taking a chunk of his hair out of his head... WITH MY TEETH!

Asians to The Rescue... Monday, August 8

We met with the doctor today, a Chinese lady named Dr. Ngo. As soon as she stepped into the room to talk with my family and I, Snickers and I both looked at each other and mouthed the words “an Asian” with such excitement… hahaha.

I love the Asians. Much love to them!!!

Anyways, back to the real story at hand.

She talked with us about my mom’s situation – what’s going on, what to expect, so on and so on – and then she asked us if we had any questions. She looked straight at Snickers so I sarcastically said “Don’t ask him, he didn’t understand a word you said.” We all laughed, he blushed… well he blushed as much as a Korean could possibly blush.

Snickers has been so incredibly supportive of my family, insisting on calling my mom “Mom”, my dad “Dad” and my family his family. I told him “If I knew you were going to be this awesome with my family I would have skipped the first date and married you on the spot!!!” I think at first my father was somewhat shy with letting Snickers be in the hospital room with my mom. She goes through a wide range of emotions and often insists on throwing off her covers, exposing her bare legs and the tubing that is attached to her lower half. Snickers has handled it all with much respect though, helping to keep my mom covered, holding her hand, often pulling her up on the bed when it’s needed, and kissing her every time we leave from our visit.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
How awesome are those around you?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Once you go Asian you don't go Caucasian.
-- Me

Taking a break from the stress of the situation to enjoy the sunset at the beach.

And to enjoy some private time with my beautiful husband.

We can't really escape though considering we can see the hospital from the beach and thoughts of my mom consumes us.

One Really Bad Day... Sunday, August 7

As the elevator doors opened up on the fourth floor our ears were greeted by some loud groaning and moaning. My father, Snickers and I had just returned from morning service and lunch and had just arrived to see my mother at the hospital. Little did we know though that it was my mother doing all that groaning and moaning.

When we entered her hospital room there she was, curled up on her side, clutching on to the side bed bars, all in tears, and making so much noise. The people visiting the older lady in the next bed didn’t even so much as call the nurse on my mother’s behalf but instead had pulled the curtain around her bed, as to shut her out and ignore trying to help her.

Today was a bad day for my mom, a very bad day. The doctors warned us that there’d be good days and bad days but today was the worst we’ve seen yet.

I think she’s mentally given up and physically can’t take it anymore. I’ve never seen her in such a rough shape as I did today. Just the other day she was out in the park with her friend, on her wheelchair, but today her condition has taken a sudden nose-dive. She was in so much pain and so confused by it all. “Why am I sick?” she constantly asked over and over. I didn’t know if she meant “Why am I sick” as in why is she suddenly in pain when before she was relatively pain-free, or if she meant it as in she’s confused as to why she’s in the hospital. The whole ordeal left me in tears and feeling helplessly sad.

Arriving to the hospital and finding my mom in such a state was heartbreaking. I don’t what was more heartbreaking, seeing her like that or seeing the family visiting the other patient in the room so carelessly ignoring her obvious moans of pain. Up until today, my mom hasn’t even so much made a peep. She hasn’t been in pain so consequently she’s been relatively quiet with the exception of chatting with us visiting her. We often visit her just to keep her company while she sleeps or to help her eat her meals. She’s been quite demanding too with what she wants to eat, sending us out on errands for cravings of Tim Horton’s berry smoothy (“NO yogurt”, she insists) and vegetable soup, and Harvey’s hamburgers.

The family of the lady next to my mom are super annoying in that they complain about us always visiting my mom and yet they hardly ever come to visit their mother. Moreover, they’re all ridiculously out of shape and a couple of them have to rely on wheel chairs so when they do visit they take up so much space and block the doorway. They huff and puff and roll their eyes whenever one of us needs to leave the room, say to get my mom’s food from the fridge or to get the nurse. I’m almost tempted to tell them that if they put even half the effort towards their health as they did complaining, huffing and puffing then life would be so much easier… for us all.

“If I ever get so ridiculously out of shape like them please shot me” I told Snickers.

The palliative care unit doesn’t have strict rules with visiting hours so my father has started to sleep over in the chair next to my mom. The family next to them complained about that too. They even went so far as to tell the nurse to restrict how many people can be in my mom’s side of the room. Apparently we’re restricted to three whenever the neighbor’s family decides to visit, which isn’t often. The nurses are stuck being the middle person here but one of them joked to me, telling me that they picked the number three only because that’s the maximum number of people the other family can possibly fit in the one half of the room. I think it’s more like 2. My family can fit about 11.

“I don’t complain about you not visiting your mother so please don’t complain about me visiting mine” I told them.

Just late last week my mother got moved from the palliative care in the neighboring city to that of my hometown, making it much easier for my father to come here every day. I find the nurses at this particular hospital are much friendlier, as is the overall feel of the hospital. I think my mom is the youngest one on this floor and we’ve been told that she’s the one with the most visitors. I feel bad though because of this point so I often comment to the other patients when I see them in the hall.

There’s this one guy, Al, who wheels his wheelchair around in the halls, asking everyone to guess his name and telling all that he works here. I guessed his name correctly, only because my brother told me of his story, and it totally freaked him out. He went on and on, asking all the nurses how I knew his name. He’s totally innocent though, just lonely but I find he’s kind of a refreshing break from the sadness of being on this floor, the palliative care floor.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
Would you want to know when your time is up?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Life is too short.
-- Dr. Ngo

Hot fun in the summer with my hot man.

Leave it to him to make such a pose... oh gosh.

Birthday in the Boonies... Saturday, August 6

Headed out today to my family's annual Big Bere BBQ at my Uncle Albert's beautiful lakeside house.

All but my mom took the long drive up there. Everyone had fun relaxing in the sun, playing around with family members and spending time with new ones.

Snickers and I had cooked some Korean pancake treats -- they were a HUGE hit -- and I ate my once-a-year burger. Well, I almost ate it all. Snickers ended up going in for the kill on that one.

And what's a trip up to my uncle's house without getting out on the lake?!... Exactly. Took the paddle boat out for the spin, my younger cousins swam and went tubing, and many zipped along the lake on the boat.

Snickers was proud to represent Asia in our family of mostly Polacks.

But I was the only one representing the birthday crowd... happy birthday to me.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
If you picked your own family members would you pick the ones you actually have?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
-- Author Unknown

A very cool gift arrived at my door today -- an edible bouquet from one of my friends. Who wants flowers anyway! I never thought flowers smelt nice and they always die but fruit... delish!

Leave it to Snickers to come up with what my mom now calls "The After Dinner Dance" and a "Cat's Cat Walk". Staying positive and staying focused on why exactly it is I came to Canada has been hard so his silly humor has been much needed relief.

Bombarded with People... Friday, August 5

The phone's ringing off the hook, the doorbell is always ringing, and when I'm not at home getting ready to go to the hospital I'm at the hospital dealing with numerous people coming in and out of my mom's room.

Retelling her situation over and over and over... and over.

I really should type up some kind of handout.

My mother needs her sleep but she's getting everything but that so consequently she's half out of it and repeating herself.

I've been drinking Tim Horton's coffee like it's going out of style and Snickers has been helping to keep me sane. We're suppose to be having some kind of pizza party tonight but my mom's friend dropped off the pizza uncooked and now cooking it is another added responsibility I have.

Tomorrow marks my 31st birthday and I'll be spending it at a family reunion BBQ probably answering yet another billion and one questions about my mom. I told my mom I didn't want to go but she told me to go. I know I'll probably have fun once I get there but if I had it my way I'd spend my birthday with just Snickers. I want a break for all this and tomorrow I know I definitely won't get that break. I still haven't prepared any food for the BBQ -- I'm sick of cooking at this point -- and I'm hoping Snickers will give in and just let me stay under the covers for the day.

I miss Korea... I wish I was sweating it out in Korea with Mi Nam snoring by my feet, Pyen Chi nipping at my toes, and the rain pouring down.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
What next?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Enjoy today for yesterday was the past, tomorrow's the future and today is a gift, that's why it is called the present.
-- Author Unknown

We've started to slowly go through my mom's stuff and what's in the house, throwing out various things and reminishing.

Tonight's walk down memory lane including playing dominos, a game my parents use to love to play, and looking through my parents' wedding photos.

And low and behold, what should my father show me for the first time ever... the bottom part of my mom and his wedding cake!!! It's a wooden box covered in icying.

The icying is old and falling off but the memories that surrounded it are still very much fresh in my father's mind.

A Kick in the Head... Wednesday, August 3

Considering I eat six smaller meals a day and the fact that everyone seems to be asking for different things at meal time, it’s been rather stressful for me. When I’m not at the hospital I’m at home cooking up a storm in the kitchen or grocery shopping for food to cook.

I should mention here that I'm the queen of raw eating and simple eating cause I hate cooking but with all these hungry mouths to feed I've had no choice but to test out my cooking skills. Little do they know, they're now my guinea pigs at meal times... hahaha.

I know, I know, I could just say a big flat out "NO" but not saying it saves me a lot of hassel in the long run. I hate cooking but it's far better trying to run a boot camp on manners and depending on undependables here.

My father really needs a lot of family time right now and that's exactly what Snickers and I are trying to feed him everyday. I go running while he's sleeping, start cooking when I hear him getting up from bed, spend the afternoons and early evenings with him at my mother's hospital bed side, and then we spend our late evenings sitting out on the porch talking.

It's all about my father and mother.

Moreover he really needs family time, not only because of the current situation but because we don't know when the next time we'll all be in the same country. There's only three of us kids but we live in three different countries. My father really wants us all to eat together but he doesn't know how to cook so he's been eating the hospital food my mom isn't eating. Daily he brings home her hospital food plates and sandwiches so that he can re-zap them in the microwave and eat them. My one brother who is staying here with his wife are all about eating out and eating bad, and depending on them to help with the cooking would mean waiting till the early afternoon for any sign of breakfast. So that leaves the cooking to me and Snickers but because they don't like spicy food it really narrows the responsibility down to just me.

I'm trying to keep my cool and resort to making sarcastic comments about the stress of the whole situation I'm in but I noticed that I've been incorporating "kick in the head" in my conversations a lot lately... hahaha. "Eat it or I'll kick you in the head" I said when they questioned my curry. "I'll kick you in the head if you do that again"... oh gosh... hahaha.

TODAY’S MAIN SIT-DOWN MEALS:

BREAKFAST
DAD – Whole wheat oatmeal
BRO AND BRO’s WIFE – Protein packed banana pancake with crushed strawberries on top
SNICKERS – Banana, fried eggs and toast
ME – Protein-packed apple cinnamon pancake

LUNCH
DAD -- Pasta with spinach and tomato sauce
ME – Whole wheat chicken wrap with spinach
SNICKERS – Three-cheese pizza with mushrooms, bacon and yellow peppers

DINNER
DAD/BRO/BRO’S WIFE/ME – Tuna curry with cucumbers, white Korean rice on the side
SNICKERS – Spicy chicken curry with white Korean rice on the side
Raspberry pie with cool whip for everyone

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
What's for dinner?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Kick in the head.
-- me

A much needed escape from the house. Snickers has been so supportive of my family and he's really trying hard to help me with all the excess responsibilities that has been thrown on my shoulders.
A ride around on my BMX works to cheer me up too...

... as does Snickers randomly posing on someone's thrown out toilet.

Much Venting... Monday, August 1

With Snickers and I staying at my dad’s house along with one of my brother’s and his wife who are visiting from New York, my parent’s house is a busy place right now. Snickers and I traveled all the way to Canada to sit at my mother’s hospital bed and to tend to my father but somehow in the scheme of things I got designated the “temp mom” for all at the house… cooking, cleaning and picking up.

I don't have a job in Korea anymore, Snickers quit his job so that he could solely train for his September fight, it cost us almost four grand to get here (in addition to the three grand work bonus I lost to come here), but it's Snickers and I paying for everything! Don't get me wrong, I anticipated paying the bills for my dad, Snickers and I but not for my brother and his wife. Moreover, I didn't anticipate cooking all their meals, chasing after them to not wear their shoes in the house, turning off the lights they carelessly leave on so my father doesn't get upset, and doing their laundry.

I love my brother and I think his new wife is cool but when it comes to manners and helping out around the house they are Lazy and Lacking with much deserved capital Ls! The other day they promised to meet up with us at the hospital but they were a no-show. I guess it didn't fit in with their vacation-of-fun they planned and I had no choice but to make up some silly excuse to tell my mom. She had made her friends stick around in anticipation of him coming and him not showing up was really discouraging to my father. I try not to say anything but then my dad comes to me upset and discouraged that they're not helping out, so I'm stuck between trying to cover their tracks so that he's not distracted by it all.

Considering I eat six smaller meals a day and the fact that everyone seems to be asking for different things at meal time, it’s been rather stressful for me. When I’m not at the hospital I’m at home cooking up a storm in the kitchen or grocery shopping for food to cook.

I’m not in Canada on vacation but I didn’t come to tend to everyone either. I’m here to spend time with my mother before she leaves us and to take care of my father. I’ve only seen one friend since we’ve been here and the others who have dropped by have been friends of the family visiting my mother in the hospital. Every day I spend a good chunk of my day at the hospital and it bugs me how well I know my way around it now.

I hate hospitals, they freak me out and make me feel uncomfortable.

Every day I see my dad get teary-eyed at the hospital and it breaks my heart to see this so I’ve turned to running as a means of escape. I’ve always been a lover of running but I’ve been running so much lately. I figured out the other day that the route I’ve been running is 15km.

It’s only Monday and I’ve already covered 45kms jogging since Friday.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
You do realize you're overdue for a good kick in the head, right?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
If this is what motherhood is -- running around as an under-rated, unappreciated chicken with its' head cut off and a million and one things to do -- than I quit!
-- me