Before Snickers left for Japan he gave me a little quick lesson on Gotti – how to master U-turns, where the gas tank nozzle is, what this and that is for, and how to jump start him if I need to.
Today I needed a jump start – “I” as in me, not Gotti.
Some days are harder than others but today was the hardest day yet and I think it came about with the realization that it’s been a month since Snickers left for Japan – ONLY ONE MONTH. I still have two months to go. I guess I thought it’d get easier as time went by but it seems to be not the case.
The hardest part of my day, the moment in my days when I miss him most, are my mornings. I’m not a morning person to start off with so I’m notorious for slapping down my hand on my alarm clock and insisting I have five more minutes of rest. That’s when I’d turn to Snickers, cuddle up to him and then spend my much-loved extra five minutes watching him sleep.
I don’t need those five minutes anymore because there is no Snickers to watch and it’s this realization that kills my mornings. The alarm goes off blaring, as usual, I slap down the snooze button, also as usual, but then I turn and am brutally reminded that there is no beautiful Snickers beside me.
I can call off my early morning tutoring if I so please but I can only ignore the day for so long before Mi Nam starts dropping mad hints that he has to be taken outside for a bathroom break.
Exactly one month ago Snickers started his journey to Japan and everyday I’ve struggled with the fact that I agreed to let him go. I knew it’d kill me to have him go but I’ve always thought that if you truly loved someone than you’d put their happiness before yours. That is what I did. I knew he wanted to go so I tried my hardest to put my own feelings aside and support his. After all, I am all too familiar with how it feels to have others close to me not support me. I didn’t want to be that person to him. However, there are some days were I struggle digesting the fact that I did my best to support him. I still support his decision, for his sake, but it’s crushing me.
I couldn’t compose myself in time for tutoring so I texted my student, telling him that I’ll see him tomorrow.
All day today the phrase "only a month" lingered in my thoughts. It's only been a month but I've missed him like crazy everyday and now I still have two more months to go. I'm not even close to the half way point yet and this fact brought me to tears today while out jogging. There I was, jogging out around Dankook when the tears started. I tried to hide my face with the rim of my baseball cap whenever I passed someone but I couldn't hide my big sudden outburst. My chest was pounding and I literally couldn't see because my eyes were so full of tears, so I stopped and just yelled out in frustration and heartache. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"
I didn’t think it possible to love someone so much but then I met Snickers. I didn’t think it possible to miss someone this much but then he went to Japan.
QUESTION OF THE DAY...
How could I ever not miss him every second of the day?
QUOTE OF THE DAY...
If you think missing me is hard, you should try missing you.
-- Author Unknown
As the story has it, one day I headed to the opposite side of the globe – the Flipside. I arrived in Korea February 16th, 2005 and thought I’d do a year, then leave. I was wrong. I stayed, launched my first company, Flipside Fitness, and then opened Korea's largest boxing club, Hulk's Boxing (now called Hulk's Club).
After 11.5yrs in Korea, I then picked up one day and returned to Toronto, Canada. But then I left again.
Now I live in the Philippines where I am the CEO and head coach of Empowered Clubhouse, the Philippines' first and only boxing clubhouse exclusively just for women. I also am the founder of the Lil' Sistas Project, CEO and designer of Slay Gear and Baa Baa Black Sheep .Ph.
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3 comments:
..this is the saddest post you ever posted...and I feel so sad reading it.I can just suppose how hard it is Amy..
I give you my support and just can tell you: remember the women's power! You guess how much is he suffering, away from home, from his country and from YOU!
Be strong as you are for both of you girl.
ALl my virtual hugs to you :)
Fabi
You are very sweet Amy. The only thing I can tell you is that I know what you feel. Reading your post is very emotional and make confirm to me that love does exist.
take care! you will be together before you know :)
Hi Fabi,
Oh my dear Fabi, I can't thank you enough for those virtual hugs -- hugS, plural!!! It's been a rough week, mainly cause it marking him being away one month. I miss him so much, sooo damn much!
Hello Anonymous,
Yes, true love does exist but sometimes it just rocks the heart in ways you never thought imaginable. It is awesome though and I do wish you do find it if you haven't already.
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