I'm frustrated. I came to this conclusion today when I stood in the window and watched Snickers drive off to work.
"What now?" I asked myself.
My question was in reference to what to do today but I started to ponder it... what now, as in what do I do now in life?! For some the next step in life may be to get married, start a family, land that dream job, or do some traveling.
For me, I don't yet quite have an answer to my own question and that realization scared the heck out me today and left me feeling angry at myself and, oddly enough, angry at Korea.
Lately I've been experiencing an extreme love/hate for Korea and my life in it. There are days when I want to scream at people who point at me and proclaim the obvious-- "Look a foreigner!" Sometimes I can't help but blurt out sarcastically "Look there's a Korean!" in Korean. But then there are days when I absolutely feel in love with my life in Korea and fear the thought of moving back to Canada.
Snickers thinks it's as easy as me simply moving back to Canada. He thinks only then will I be truely 100% happy but it's so not that easy. I've been in Korea for over six years now. I started a whole new life when I moved here and well, moving back to Canada means I'll have to start all over again. I'll have to deal with the reverse culture shock, an issue I'm anticipating but not quite ready to deal with. Then there's the question, do I really want to move back? Life for my friends and family didn't stop, it continued on and it did so without me. Sometimes I wonder if I'd fit back in as snug as I did before.
Everyday is filled with both the negative and positive aspects of life as a foreigner here in Korea. But that's just the thing, though I'm a foreigner, when it comes down to it I feel neither in sync with the foreigners or that of the Koreans. I'm torn between two polar opposites. Neither side is completely comfortable for me. I must say though that I do lean more towards the Korean side.
I try hard to focus on the good and sarcastically joke off the bad but lately it's been harder to do so.
Today I was consumed with the bad.
QUESTION OF THE DAY...
Should I stay or should I go?
QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
-- Sparrowrose Howard Thurman
As the story has it, one day I headed to the opposite side of the globe – the Flipside. I arrived in Korea February 16th, 2005 and thought I’d do a year, then leave. I was wrong. I stayed, launched my first company, Flipside Fitness, and then opened Korea's largest boxing club, Hulk's Boxing (now called Hulk's Club).
After 11.5yrs in Korea, I then picked up one day and returned to Toronto, Canada. But then I left again.
Now I live in the Philippines where I am the CEO and head coach of Empowered Clubhouse, the Philippines' first and only boxing clubhouse exclusively just for women. I also am the founder of the Lil' Sistas Project, CEO and designer of Slay Gear and Baa Baa Black Sheep .Ph.
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