Chilly Morning... Monday, December 23

It was a chilly morning, having to head out to Union Station and get the GO Train out to Whitby, but I guess I'm going to have to get used to this chill and all this traveling.  It costs an arm and a leg to live in the city these days and this week I'll be visiting friends and family that live outside of it. 

Shilling out mad money for out-of-city travel, holy painful. 

I met up with my dad today and anticipated some uncomfortable conversations about various things that I thought he'd want to talk to me about and things I needed to discuss.  Unfortunately most of these conversations didn't go down though because the state of my father was more uncomfortable than any of these predicted uncomfortable chats.  

My father is getting old, I know it and he knows it, but he's still trying to live life like back when my mother was alive.  It's almost as if he is stuck in that time and won't accept that things have changed, he has changed, we ALL have changed.  He walks so slow, uncomfortably slow, and even watch him sit down beside looks painful.  He admits that he has health issues that I don't know about and I'm sure he's right but I question why he doesn't just sell the house and move into a retirement home.  I know a part of it has to do with not wanting to let go of the house where my brothers and I grew up in because it means letting go the life he had with all of us but, more specifically, the life he had with my mom. 

Watching my father breaks my heart and it frustrates me. 

Father shouldn't be living alone, he shouldn't be driving at night, and he shouldn't be doing a lot of things alone that he could be so easily be doing with others, like friends and family.  

I feel like he has two options, let me get him a dog or sell the house and move into a retirement home.  One is quite the big and drastic option, sure, but I absolutely hate it that my father is alone and I wish he knew how much I hated it.  Everyone needs someone and my dad needs someone now more than ever.  I feel like something as simple as a dog would bring so much life back into his life and it'd put me at ease, knowing that he isn't alone and he has refocused himself.