2. It’s official, the only romance in my life is just that… typing the word here on my homepage. And I am convinced that my “Man Friend” wouldn’t know romance even if it bit him on the butt and wore a sign saying “I am romance”. I don’t think he even knows how to spell romance, even in his own language (Korean).
3. Today was my Man Friend and my anniversary… I guess. We’re off and then we’re on… and then we’re off. I really don’t know what label to put on us, or if you can even label us an “us”, or can just use one label for that matter. We are definitely not where we were one year ago but I think in us trying to celebrate the day was our attempt at trying to hold on for just a bit longer.
4. After spending the last couple of weeks trying to find him the perfect gift, I had found it, wrapped it up, and stashed it away in my apartment. I had bought him a beautiful winter coat, a trendy dress shirt, and an ice cream cake. I called him, hoping that he’d say he’s on his way to pick me up and whisk me away to a beautiful romantic restaurant where we’d reminisce of all the perfect moments we use to have. Instead, what I got was him offering to drive me to boxing. I opted out and instead walked to boxing alone.
5. I had anticipated him forgetting all about today and so I chose not to cancel my plans with Gangster Oppa. I raced off to meet up with Gangster Oppa at his club and, at the back of my mind, I was hoping that this would buy my Man-Friend some time to get his act together.
6. It’s funny cause my sadness often masks it’s self as bitterness and frustration and so tonight, partly because I was already a bit upset, I got into quite an argument with Gangster Oppa and one of his “girls” when she asked me for a favour. I really can’t get into the contents of the argument, or the favour, but I will say this, it ended with me leaning over the table and telling her,
“I don’t know who you are but I already don’t like you.
You come in here thinking you can push me and tell me what to do, well
sweetie, you picked the wrong girl to push. My brain got me my fox-fur leather
coat but my fist scored me my Louis Vuitton. I am not cheap by any means of the
word and I not to be push. Watch yourself.”
Gangster Oppa then told the girl to leave the room while he worked on calming me down. I knew I had stepped over the line and that any other person probably would have just sucked it up but that’s their own choice. I refuse to be scared of someone, especially some dirty girl who apparently has no shame pulling tricks with married men. Up until meeting that girl, I was pretty intrigued with Gangster Oppa. I knew he was a kind of rebel but when I had to sit there and listen to the BS that came out of her mouth and see him totally being cool and all cozy with her, I was disgusted. Jealousy is one thing, and definitely NOT the feeling that was rushing through my blood. How dare he let that 2-brain cell dirty girlie punk me off like that. You know what they say, “birds of a feather flock together”, and that they do. I’m not like them. That’s the thing about me though, I don’t think I am like anyone, at least not here in Korea. Anyways, he tried to make me laugh by pointing out the fact that I had given the girl the same look I had given him just one day ago in the ring, my “death stare”.
7. No sooner did I arrive home but my Man Friend came over. He had taken Mi Nam out and returned with an ice cream cake… the exact cake I had bought. Too coincidental if you ask me, but anyways. I had mentioned earlier today that I thought he had forgotten. Despite the late-purchased cake, I think he did forget.
8. I wasn’t upset, nor was I angry or mad. I was crushed.
9. I felt like a fool handing over the over sized box to him that had a letter I had carefully written. He cried a bit when he read the letter and I cried a bit too, but for a different reason. He’s always telling me that I’d be the perfect actress if I ever decided to step away from my teaching position and I think he’s right. Tonight I gave an Oscar award-winning performance for convincing him that I was happy when what I felt was disappointed and shattered. I had so much anticipation for today but by 10pm, when I found myself being “treated” to call-food (take-out) (which meant I got to pick what to eat but ended up having to pay for it), I knew not to make any more wishes for the night or expect any kind of fairy tale ending. My Man Friend went to bed and then Mi Nam woke up and waited to do “tear-control”. No tears came though and that fact alone makes me sad. Have I become so use to the minus levels of romance present in my life that it doesn’t even upset me anymore?!
10. I went to bed knowing full-well that I’d have to deal with this all over again tomorrow when I see my assistants at work and am confronted by some particular students. I had talked to the assistants about what to buy my Man Friend and earlier on today, when I left school, I took a taxi with some of my students and brought up the issue. How embarrassing, I thought. How incredibly embarrassing it will be tomorrow when I have to face them all and tell them that I was totally forgotten about, that I had made a big deal out of something that was apparently nothing to someone.
QUESTION OF THE DAY...
Did I shave my legs for this?
QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs.
-- Author Unknown
10 comments:
I think you're making too big a deal out of it. He's a man, sweetie! Seriously. If superficial things like this are really important to you then you probably don't belong with him.
I don't know, it seems like you keep building this relationship up to the point where it has to fail and then you crash down again and get all disappointed. Just take it for what it's worth!
And stop messing around with Gangster Oppa. Trouble may be attractive but you seem to have too much of it in your life.
JMO.
Or just break up with him for once and for all. It's really not that hard. Everyone (normal) has done it at least once.
I'm sorry, but I have to agree. For the last two months, you've been talking about how you don't take him seriously, you know the relationship has no future and you don't really have deep feelings for him. What do you expect? You think he hasn't picked up on that? Trying to celebrate an anniversary of something that doesn't exist (you said yourself you don't consider him your boyfriend) seems a little forced. Honestly, I think he had the right idea. If you're not together, then you're not together. It's a little too convenient to be together just on that particular day, so you have somebody to celebrate. You need to decide whether you're in or out and you have to stop blaming this guy for being confused about what your situation is.
It seems everyone likes to team up on Amy. I guess I do see it from their view, you making it a bigger deal than it is, but I dont blame you for it. It looks like you were secretly hoping he'd take this opportunity to get back together with you. People do that a lot, say one thing and mean another, setting themselves up. You say you dont take him seriously and dont want to date him, but I dont think thats how you feel. I dont think youre some silly girl who doesnt know what shes doing, love is complicated for all of us. But i dont blame him either. He had no idea what was expected of him.
Love sucks, but when things are looking down you need to keep your chin up, make sure you dont rush into anything you know will just hurt again later, and be patient. Let love come to you Amy.
-Sweetie
<3
Love does not suck. And love is not complicated. People make it complicated because they like drama.
I could tell you lots of stories of being disappointed on anniversaries, birthdays, etc. by my now husband. Does it mean he loves me any less? I don't believe so because he shows his love in so many other (more important) ways. The Hollywood concept of romance and men sweeping women off their feet is so unrealistic and sets so many people up for disappointment. It's like focusing on the wedding and all the hoopla that goes with it and failing to work on the relationship. I'm sure there are guys out there who will fulfill your requirements for romance. I just hope they have an in-sickness-and-in-health love to go with it. ;)
I thought you broke up with this guy? Weren't you insisting he's NOT your boyfriend? And flirting with the other guy (Gangsta Oppa--though I see you now say this is over because you got in a fight with one of his "working girls")?
Also... why would you expect him to know what you want romantically when you lie to him by "acting" happy when you're not?
You have to be honest with yourself and your partner to make a relationship work.
I don't mean to "gang up" on you, as the other writer implied, so I'm leaving my name attached to this comment, but really, I'm confused why someone would act so immature about this. If you're not happy, just break up with him once and for all. If you are happy, then try to be more understanding and communicative. You can't have it both ways.
Just my two cents.
Hi,
I really don't want to respond to ANY of your messages cause I just want to forget about it.
For starters, and I've said this MANY TIMES, Gangster Oppa is just a friend and so please drop the whole "you should stop flirting with him" crap, cause that's exactly what it is... C R A P.
Heaven help me have a friend that's a guy. Moreover, I finally find someone, a friend, that I feel I have some kind of friendship with and you all go and trash talk it. I know he's not a good guy, I know he's trouble, I know.. I know... I know.. But I also know that while you're all out there hanging out with your own friends, that I AM NOT. I keep to myself. I don't think I have any real solid friends in Korea, for whatever reasons, yes, some reasons that are my own doing and decision, but he's been here for me.
And as for Tuesday and my expectations... oh please! You can't blame me for being upset when he and I promised from the day one that no matter if we were together or not that we'd celebrate our first year, as in our first year of being in each other's lives. It's written all over my calenders at home, his friends all remembered, my team mates at the club remembered, and so you can't expect me to be so cool with him just ignoring it.
Pointing all your fingers at me is pure BS and I'm not accepting of it or interested. I know you're all allowed to your two cents but please, relax.
I'm not a fool, I'm not immature, and I'm not stupid. I'm an educated woman who is sensitive about things that MOST women, and people in general, would be.
I was in tears over this and so thank you. Thank you VERY VERY VERY much for pushing me down when I was already down.
It's bad enough I have to deal with his insensitivity and lack of thought, but to get it from total strangers who know nothing about me but the words I splatter on this homepage. Come on... seriously.
Feels great. You're awesome.
If Q is a friend--which is why you had an anniversary you say--why not tell him he disappointed you?
Nobody is saying you can't have male friends. The reason everybody is talking about GO is because YOU mentioned you were attracted to him and how that didn't matter because your relationship with Q wasn't serious. So people are going by your own words. The truth is that you put yourself in the position you're in. You can't blame Q for a situation you created. And if you really had an agreement with him about this particular day and he broke it, then I don't see what you couldn't tell him. I agree with what others have said that you have a somewhat Hollywood-like idea of what a relationship should be like. Real life is not like that. You have to work to make things good. Guys are not mind readers. And if you go through life expecting that magical experience out of thin air, then you're in for a lot of heartache.
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