Getting Back to Me... Thursday, July 12

After I arrived back at Ggum Guum from coffee with a friend I sat down at my computer. I uploaded the pictures I had took from the day so far… and I didn’t like what I saw. My friend had taken two pictures of me outside of a vintage clothing shop called Hell but what I noticed upon looking at the picture was just how swollen looking I looked. I had done a boxercise class in the morning, followed by weight training with a PT client of mine but I was looking much bigger than I thought I actually was. With a clear fighting schedule, no word of any upcoming fights, and not even a race penciled into my schedule until October, I really have no goal. I haven’t had any real goal since my half marathon in April and today I realized this. 

There’s no need for me to regulate my weight, continue my slave-man’s way of training or make sure I clock in decent time and efforts with it all. My efforts have been focused more so on running Flipside Fitness than on my own personal state – hosting boxercise classes, personal training my clients, planning events and making a weekly fitness challenge. And with every event I host for the ladies of Flipside Fitness – especially my boxercise classes -- my focus is fed and I want dive into it more. 

Today my focus took a u-turn, away from Flipside Fitness, and I decided to take a step back. 

I find with most of my personal training clients they come to me because they’ve all reached a particular, common point. They’re just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I think I’ve reached this point too. 

Where I want to be, where I am and where I think I should be are no longer three different unconnected places. I want to connect them all to one place but I realized that I’ve made a bad connection between two of these places. I know where I am and where I should be are actually the same place. You get the body you deserve – the body you work for – and though I know I train hard for my body and eat clean, I just don’t want it hard enough. I just don’t want it like I used to and I think this is related to the fact that I don’t have any kind of goal I’m striving for. I think in not having a goal I’ve lost some of the spark, the passion, so I picked my brain today on how to get it back. 

I need a goal, this is my answer to my problem. 

Well actually that’s only one part of the answer because with it comes the next obvious question, “What is my goal?” I’m always telling my PT clients to create S.M.A.R.T. goals – specific, measureable, attainable, realistic and timely – but the goal I created doesn’t quite fit the requirements. 

My goal is to be an inspirational, naked picture-pocket-carrying, screensaver kind of a woman. 

Ok, so some explanation is needed here so let me explain… 

For years I’ve always stashed a random picture of various women I’ve labeled as having my “goal body” and for the most part they are professional female fitness models.  I think one of the reasons why I do this is because well, this isn't Canada and I am not surrounded with ultra buff, intimidating gym girls like I once was.  Sure, I've met those here who have admirable points, like a low body fat percentage or abs, but what I'm striving for is much more than that.  I've got a marathon runner in one of my boxercise classes who rocks running, another who is a master in the kitchen with healthy snacks and a female rugby playing friend in Seoul who spends her holidays training in Thailand.  They all are such great forms of motivation for me to excel in various areas of getting fit but I'm looking for something -- someone-- that captures all that into one goal.  In Canada my goal body person was my weight training partner.  She had gone pro with her bodybuilding so she was what I strived to be like and it was she whom I measured myself up against.  She was what I envisioned the fit female to be -- trained like a machine, ate like a champ and looked like a fox.  My partner had taken all the requirements needed to get to such a state of complete fitness and it showed in her super toned shoulders, buff arms, high energy levels and positive attitude, but I don't have anyone here like that. Sometimes I feel like I just have me... me and whatever women's picture I'm holding onto.

I have my share of favourites fitness females and among them I have always favored Jen Hendershott. I used to have my fridge plastered with her pictures and I used to even carry her picture in my wallet. Seeing her picture on my fridge constantly reminded me to rethink what I was about to do, about to eat, and I kept her picture in my wallet so that whenever I went to the gym and pulled out my membership card I’d see her and be reminded that training hard makes you hard. Nothing worth it comes without a fight. A couple of years ago I started stashing one or two photos of random “goal body” women in my boxing training bag. Today I found out who one of my “boxing bag ladies” actually was – Ronda Rousey, a very successful judo/MMA fighter.  

I posted her picture on my Facebook page and no sooner had I added it but then a close friend in Canada responded by writing “Guaranteed she has a photo of you for motivation if not she should... :)” I was flattered. It was unrealistic to believe such a stunning and super fit woman would ever have my picture for motivation but it was also a kind of reality check. Am I really motivating those around me, those I train? Am I even remotely close to be ever considered a “goal body” for them? 

… and thus my goal was formed. It's not a S.M.A.R.T. goal but it's a goal.

I’ve had my share of photographers contact me throughout the years and ask to photograph me because of my boxing, many of which I have agreed to, but just recently I’ve been approached by another. For the most part, the pictures they’ve taken have all been at the boxing club and the theme has been a tough female boxer. I once got asked to pose as a sexy, fierce female boxer but with my male teammates watching over the photo shoot I just couldn’t pull off sexy. I’m just not sexy and I’m not comfortable with trying to be it. 

So my goal, without bouncing in and out of another story, is to do a photo shoot like Ronda Rousey. I responded to the photographer today, showing him Ronda’s photo and telling him that this is the shot I want done – exposed, wearing nothing more than my handwraps, hard abs, a great head of hair and a killer smile.    

Plan is to do the photo shoot the second week of September.