Not Eye-to-Eye on Black Eyes... Wednesday, July 4

I was not in a good mood today, definitely not, and it started off with an oddly hilarious but super dangerous ride on Gotti.  Something is up with him, not sure, but with him needing his headlights and blinkers all replaced, I took him to one of my mechanics today.  I’ve been having to kick start him the past couple of days and as soon as I slow down his engine dies out, so today when I took him to the mechanics I risked him dying in the middle of the intersections so I just kept on going.  Ended up only going through two red lights… “only”, as if that’s a good thing.  So that was the dangerous part.  The hilarious part was when I looked over and spotted Snickers with his hand out Bronco-the-Beast’s sun rough with a camera shooting pics of me… hahaha.

I stuck around the mechanic’s shop for a bit.  He’s going to totally pimp Gotti back up – new headlights, new blinkers, fix the wiring of the one blinker, work on the engine, and add the light blue lights that Gotti’s kidnapper had ripped off his body.  I still have to get some custom hand grips from Motor Cross and pick out some new foot thing-a-ma-jiggies. My mechanic is a nice guy but there’s definitely something off about him.  I swear, if we were in Canada we’d swear he’s some kind of pot head.  He’s overly happy and overly smiley but overly slow and lazy in his manner, as if he’s stuck in slow-motion.  The guy lets me borrow his scooter though whenever I take mine in and when he heard that I had another mechanic over near LotteMart he joked and said he’d hold Gotti hostage if I ever went there again.  My boxing club is literally about ten steps away so sometimes he pops in to see if I’m there training if he sees Gotti parked out front.

Word has it that Pyen Chi’s boyfriend Jang Geun isn’t as in love with her as we all anticipated so Pyen Chi might not have her turn at being a mommy this year.  I don’t mind, I just want her home with me.  The house doesn’t seem balanced without her and I’m definitely needing her here to help me with Balboa!

Had quite the serious talk with Junior Mint today regarding something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind.  The other day I randomly blurted it out to two of my boxercise ladies and it was only when I heard my own voice saying such things did I really accept that it was true.  Snickers doesn’t want me to box.  I know this – I always knew this.  He supports me in everything but this.  Well, he supports me but I think it’s only because he feels he has to – he wants to support me but doesn’t really want to, you know what I mean?!  Anyways, Junior Mint agrees with me and noted that I’m excellent during training and I totally can deal with the pressures of preparing for the fight but at my fights I’m nowhere close to par with where I am with my boxing.  For awhile there Junior Mint thought I somehow was self sabotaging myself mentally but then we started going over my previous bouts, comparing them and evaluating my skill up to each bout.  And then there was the Japan fight – the fight Snickers refused to come to.  That crushed me.  Snickers is my biggest supporter but I know he supports me even when he doesn’t necessarily want to.  It’s understandable too though because I know what it feels like to be watching him at a bout.  I’m so incredibly proud of him but trust me, it’s very hard to watch someone else land a clean punch on him.  I feel like I want to jump out of my seat and seriously beat that boxer to a pulp!  I can only imagine just how much harder it is for him to watch me and yes, a part of it has to do with the fact that I am a girl but also because I know his family doesn’t agree with me fighting.  “Real women don’t box” is what they told me and I’ll never ever forget that.

An offer to train in Japan has been proposed to me again and I’m trying to delay making a decision.  The offer is for me to go there for a couple of months, if not more, to simply eat, sleep and breath boxing.  KBC has been calling UP lately, asking Junior Mint if I’ll accept a fight, and I’ve been delaying answering that decision too.  Tonight Junior Mint and I talked about my situation and we both agree that if I do take another fight Snickers is not to attend.  I’ll tell him about the fight but won’t tell him the details or date; I’m sure he’d be painfully bitter and understandably so if I didn’t.  Snickers is going to get his nose “professionally broken” soon though he hasn’t yet picked a date.  Like me, he’s had his nose broken three times because of boxing but unlike me he’s never had it medically looked at and correctly fixed.  His breathing is quite impaired when he sleeps and same with when he goes running so he wants to get it fixed.  The plan is to work it so that I fight when he’s in the hospital, then he’d surely be unable to come watch it or be with me as I prepare.  I hate that I’m even saying this but it’s true, I can’t have a fight with Snickers around.  I love him dearly and I know he loves me so much too but I just can’t fight knowing that he’s standing beside me hoping I don’t actually go through with it.  It’s almost as if he’s hoping I’ll fail.  He can’t accept me wanting to fight. 

To him, boxing was a means of an escape, an only option – an escape from the hard times in jail where he originally started boxing. It was either box and get to leave the prison for a day or two, or stay behind the cold, cold lonely walls where he’d remain just another nobody.  However, to me boxing was a personal choice I made, a passion of mine.  It wasn’t an option presented to me but instead a choice I sought out.  We both view boxing totally differently so it’s no wonder that we don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to me fighting.