I Refuse to Be Nothing... Saturday, February 23

Today marked the first birthday party of Black Skinny’s second son and I was told I shouldn’t go. Black Skinny is a very dear friend of mine, in addition to being a former teammate and forever boxing family member. He was one of the first boxers I met in Korea and he and I have been the longest running teammates within the UP Boxing Club team. So when I was told by not one but two people that I shouldn’t attend my teammate’s celebration, I felt rather hurt. I understood the reasoning behind it but doesn’t mean I accept it or think it’s right. 

Initially Junior Mint took offense when Snickers and I told him we were starting our own boxing club, telling us “I can do everything you can do but better”. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. It’s right up there with “Real women don’t box”. Originally I accepted his response to our news because I understood him viewing us as competition but now I’m seeing that it’s perhaps not this at all. 

I know that boxing is his life, I’m very well aware of this but why can’t he see that boxing is just as much, if not more actually, our life?! Look, I stayed in Korea for my boxing. It’s how I met my husband but it’s become my identity -- it’s not only what I do but what I am and who I am. 

I gave up Canada for my boxing -- boxing in a foreign country that will never understand what it’s really cost me nor really accept me. You can’t put a price on that but take away my boxing and what do I really have here?! Exactly. I’ve made it my everything – my business, my friends, my family,… my dream. 

I can’t just throw in the towel and go along my merry way. I just quit a good job so that I can put myself $100,000 in depth, making me a bigger question in the minds of my in-laws, and a possibly disappointment to my friends in family back in Canada for not returning like they all anticipated. Do you think it’s easy to tell my father who has just lost the love of his life, my mother, to tell him that he’s going to grow old alone, that I may never come back?! No, it’s not but this boxing club is my dream – OUR dream. 

On the rebound of being knocked down by the one single person whom I thought would be the most understanding, it’s been definitely encouraging to see just how supportive people I never ever imagined would be towards me! I am extremely blessed to be sponsored and backed up by a healthy larger number of companies, both nationally and internationally located.

WOW Motors 

ON Motors 

Sunny Hair 

BEAT Boxing 

Best Boxing 

Jung Su Beat Boxing
Moon Tower
Cheonan Prosecutor's Office
Adidas Korea 

Adidas France 

Adidas Hong Kong
Kim's Dental Office

Gamble Tattoo 

Seoul Global Center 

La Cubo Restaurant 

Drama Wedding Hall 

Dujung Karaoke Bar 

I’ll be honest, it really sucked sitting at home, looking up at the clock and knowing that somewhere in Cheonan my teammates were gathered together celebrating and both Snickers and I couldn’t go. We could have gone, sure, but we didn't go out of respect for not only our teammate Black Skinny but out of respect for Junior Mint, my former coach. We didn’t want us showing up to become a scene especially because of the whole mistaken identity situation that happened just this past week. 

Our boxing club is hiring Panty Boy Jr. – former Welter Weight Champion and former UP teammate of mine. He's long since quit boxing at UP but is still very much a close friend of mine.  Tonight he went to the party and then phoned with news of it. “You’re lucky you didn’t go” he noted. No one is really sure as to why Junior Mint has a grudge towards Panty Boy Jr., after all it was his parents who wanted him to stop professionally boxing.  This grudge has been dragged out for well over three years now.  The beauty of Panty Boy Jr. is that he really doesn’t bother himself with what others think or don’t think of him so he went today, knowing full well he’d get a cold shoulder and he didn’t care. I respect him for that, his ability to stay true to himself and sport some super thick skin. Junior Mint, as expected, gave him the cold stares tonight and when Panty Boy Jr. tried to be civil by greeting him with a respectful bow, Junior Mint looked through him like he wasn't even there.  

It’s rather heartbreaking to hear this because there used to be a time when these two were so close, so inseparateable. The same goes for Junior Mint and I. We had a team and it was attached with all the labels a team could possibly associated with. We were a family, brought together by boxing.   I still care so much for Junior Mint as I do for all my teammates but I can't respect his manners, or should I say the lack there of them.  I took Panty Boy Jr. being publicly punked off by Junior Mint personally, as if it were done to me, and I can't help but wish it weren't true, that Junior Mint has totally disowned us all  -- we were family.  

Tonight I headed out for a bowling event with some of my Flipside Fitness ladies. Snickers was sure it’d cheer me up and it did. But what was really the pick-me-upper was when the manager and head coach of BEAT Boxing showed up to play. He’s been helping us out a lot lately but we’ve always kept things business-oriented. I was so impressed with him showing up tonight and asked if it was ok for me to post his pictures on my Facebook page and homepage. “Sure, why not?” he asked and I loved that.

We're having to hold off on registering our boxing club because of a strangely amusing problem we have with the money but I feel a bit relieved that this has bought us a little extra time with having to tell Junior Mint we're in business.  It is not going to go over well.

Honestly, I feel like I'm being dragged through a bad breakup.  I feel sick to my stomach about it and rather heartbroken too.  Junior Mint was more than just a coach to me, he was also a mentor, friend, older brother, father, match-maker, cheer leader, and adviser but now he wants to be nothing.  I don't want to be nothing to him either.

I can't accept this.