I Am Ok with Not Being a Good Wife... Wednesday, September 18

I am not a good wife for a Korean man, I know that.

I don't cook Korean food... I don't really cook at all for my husband actually. I cook but he never tries my food.  I don't have a typical job nor do I really partake in girlie things like watching romantic movies, dressing up or shopping -- hate shopping unless it's for food. I don't have a tight group of gal pals though I have tried to make one. My closest friends in Korea are male, most of which are fellow pro athletes, because they can understand me more, I find men to be more drama free and I tend to share more interests with them.  I don't let my man fight my fights but instead will fight my own or jump in to act as a sidekick in any fight he gets into (whether it's verbal or physical).  I don't let my man get away with "but it's the Korean thing to do" when it comes to drinking or staying out late.  We always tell each other "mirror", which basically means if I did the same how would you feel.

Marriage isn't about one having the upper hand and our marriage doesn't focus on traditional roles or ideals because we come from two totally different cultures and countries.  My husband and I have more of a partnership than a traditional Korean marriage -- we share roles.  He collects the laundry and puts it in the machine, I then hang it up to dry and then we both put it away. I dust the house, he vacuums the floor and then we both wash the floors.  

An older member at Hulk's mocked Snickers the other month, claiming Snickers was more of a wife than a "typical man".  The definition for "typical man" is highly debatable but in my books a man is a male who respects and helps his woman.  Making your woman do all the house chores is not helping her just like I don't think expecting my man to make all the money is respectable to him. Perhaps that's why Chuseok is so hard for me -- I am forced to be such an old school Korean wife, cooking and cleaning with the other women in the house, while the men sit around and do nothing but stuff their faces and then sleep off their food comas. 

Not my man though.

Snickers knows I am not cool with him asking the women to get him something while he sits on his butt.  Instead, he helps me with the cleaning and, actually, he usually works harder than me, doing what many Koreans have labeled as 'women's work'.

Korean Lesson 101

It is NEVER ok for your husband to walk into a house full of inlaws and ask "Doesn't my wife look pretty?" They WILL respond with an applause and they WILL assume it's because you must be sporting a pregnant woman's glow.  Never mind the fact that he asked because you chopped off 8" of your hair since they last saw you. They WILL then frown and they WILL tell you that they have "had expectations" for some time now.  And yes, in your eyes you have failed your duty as a Korean man's wife.

I am not a good wife for a Korean man, I know and that's how I started off this post.  I am fully aware that I am not the woman his family ever expected him to marry nor wanted him to marry but I am ok with that.  I am ok with it because I am as stubborn as God makes a Polish woman to be and Snickers likes that fact. I am so much stronger than any obstacle they've tried to put in my way or any expectation they've tried to discourage me with.  Snickers knows I can take anything they throw me and he respects that.  He likes the fact that I know what I stand for and am confident in what I believe and in who I am.  He thinks the fact that I am not another cookie-cutter girl is pretty cool even if means me often being the social outcast among friends and family and him baring the same label. I am not pencil thin and, unlike the women before me he dated, I sport 'exotic' curves that he just can't get enough of.  Unlike other Korean men who say a woman shouldn't sport so much muscle, trust me, Snickers has never complained whenever I've been able to take him on, take him down and pinned him -- it's a turn on to him. 

And despite all those who want to frown at me and shake their head, wondering why Snickers is with a woman like me, I can only shake my head and wonder why they continue to be so ignorant at how great our relationship is BECAUSE of our differences. 

Our differences spice the relationship and keep it unpredictable and yes, I don't met their expectations, I know, but none of them asked me if they met mine.