Tonight's couple date night marked the last one before Chuseok, or in my mind ChuSUCK, so I made sure it was a hot and heavy one. Made sure it was jam packed with grade A sweetness, oozing with fabulocity and contained an overdose of good vibes and smiles to get me through what the middle of the week would be throwing on me -- stress.
I owe my arm and leg to our club's sponsor and perhaps a couple of vital organs too actually, but the stress I feel going into the ChuSUCK week far overrides the stress of sporting a debt that would make most pee their pants.
I'm now realizing that I actually had it good, back in the day, when Snickers' younger sister used to join us at K-Gere's grandparents house. She speaks English fairly well, only member in the family that really does, and she always seemed to be my go-to wing girl for getting me out of those but-this-is-what-women-do situations. She'd smile and add "Korean women" to the statement and I always appreciated that. However, now she's married and tradition has it now she has to go to her husband's family house for the holidays. My go-to wing girl is gone.
In most recent holidays, I've nominated Brooklyn, Snickers' cousin, as my go-to wing man. He's super sweet but far to shy to speak up and defend me against any of the ackward but-I'm-not-Korean moments. Don't get me wrong though, I definitely appreciate him letting me vent afterwards with him.
I can't say it's so uncomfortable, Snickers family does try their best to make me feel comfortable but often it's in them trying so hard that makes things uncomfortable. K-Gere has kind of become the black sheep of the family ever since he punched his older brother at a previous family gathering -- ya, the fighting genes were definitely passed down to Snickers via his father. Ironically enough, that one punch on K-Gere's pushed him up to a whole higher level of respect in my mind. I've been anticipating someone punching Snickers' uncle ever since I met him so it was kind of long overdue. I usually stick by his side during family gatherings.
And then there is Granny-K, she's super short but she makes up for her small stature in heart. A couple of years ago her husband -- Snickers' grandfather -- passed away but right before he did, Granny-K woke up one night to me helping him go to the bathroom and then tucking him back in his blanket. I think that was our bonding moment. I usually bounce myself between sitting by her and K-Gere. Snickers is always busy doing something, like playing with the kids and I don't care to play with kids.
It's not that they make me uncomfortable, well beyond the one uncle that is, but instead I think it's me that makes me uncomfortable. I don't fit into their all-Korean world where everyone arrives and goes straight to their assumed Korean household tasks, preparing for the festivities. I don't have a baby, I don't cook Korean food and I don't care to wait hand and foot on the men. I try to make myself comfortable with being uncomfortable but must admit I continually look at the clock and count down the hours till when I can leave; it's just not enjoyable.
My scapegoat in the morning after a long night of tossing and turning, listening to the little kids scream and shout, and a lack of breakfast or even coffee to refuel my energy, used to be... ironically enough... a goat. Billy the Goat, Granny-K's goat, used to be a much needed part of my morning-after routine. I'd go out to his little stall, feed him and then stand their petting him. A while back they sold him -- sold him or ate him, still not sure. Anyways, he's gone so now I resort to sitting in the outhouse for an extended period of silence.
I could overlook the fact that I don't drink and make an exception but I know just how calorie-packed alcohol is, so that stops me from seriously taking up binge drinking to get myself through such family gatherings.
Sounds pretty bad, wow... rereading that makes it sound like it's so terrible. Sorry, but it's not but it's not exactly fun either. I think it gets harder every year because I'm no longer a newly wed or new to Korea. Family expectations for me to have a baby and show up with fluent Korean and picture-perfect Korean manners seems to be increasing, as does the fact that these celebrations remind me that it's another special holiday without my own family -- my birth family in Canada.
Perhaps it doesn't really matter what his family does or doesn't do... perhaps I just really miss my family so much I've become bitter and resentful towards Snickers' family because they're all here and mine isn't. Not sure. Am sure I've rambled on too much now. Let's see what becomes of this year's ChuSUCK. Apparently Wednesday I'll be staying at Granny-K's house and then Friday I'll be at Mama-K's (Snickers' mother's house)... that'll be the real tester!!!
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