No more Mrs. Nice-Coach Amy.
I've come to the conclusion that I can't help people that can't help themselves and it's taken me a lot of disappointment and frustration to accept this point.
Please take this as my "not attending indefinitely" to any and all pity party invites.
If people spent half as much time as focusing on their health as they did feeling sorry for their lack of health and complaining then they wouldn't have anything to complain about. And that's the brutal truth. Don't complain about your health if you're not willing to work on it. People may call me intense because I've put my health a priority but yet I'd be considered inappropriately rude if I called them lazy.
Talk is cheap, the demand exceeds the supply. Get up and put your talk into action, then I'll listen.
If I had a penny for every time I heard someone tell me they wanted to get healthy and change their ways, I wouldn't have to worry about paying off the debt opening our boxing club created. It'd be fully paid off by now plus some!
People have to want to be helped in order to be helped.
Today one of my Hulkies posted a picture of several boxes of donuts on her Facebook and joked that it was her lunch. I was disgusted and disappointed. But what was more disappointing than her picture were those who shared in her joke and those who I have personally tried to help who also thought it was funny or "liked" the picture. No sooner had the picture been posted but it then became an ongoing discussion at work among members who had seen my comment on it. They all agreed with me, there is NOTHING funny about an eating disorder. You wouldn't laugh at a handicap child but you'll laugh at a woman struggling with an eating disorder; that doesn't make sense.
Perhaps I'm too sensitive about this, maybe. But it's in addition to it being my job, it's what I'm very much passionate about. I care about my friends just like I care about my Hulkies and when one of these Hulkies is ALSO my friend, you best believe I'm going to be frustrated.
In deciding to no longer be Mrs. Nice-Coach Amy, I've also decided that I have to learn to not concern myself with those who ask for help but really don't accept it. I have to learn the difference between giving up and letting go because so many people are all talk and their talk drains me. They give me this big song and dance about how they are so set on changing and so eager to learn how to change but when reality hits that it's going to take effort on their behalf and not just mine, people fly the coup. I really try to put myself out there for my members, sending many of them home with "homework" -- food diary logs, but many of them do not return with it completed unless I hound them. I shouldn't want it more they they do. It's not my health, not my body, not my health, but too often I find it's only my effort and desire for them to improve themselves.
At Hulk's we offer personal training for an extra fee. It includes one-to-one training and one-to-one counseling regarding clean eating. We basically give all our members one-to-one training but I've taken it a step further with handing out "homework" for members to do regarding their eating -- food diary logs I ask them to fill out so that I can help set up an eating plan for them. This is a paid service but I've been doing it for free because if members are getting healthier and are happy than we're happy. I can't tell you how many times I've told members to bring their homework in but they've returned empty handed.
I'll be your biggest cheerleader and proud supporter if you want help but you can't expect me to put in the time and effort if you're not willing to. If this be the case, I'll be the first one to call you on it. Don't waste my time, don't ask me to care and definitely don't ask me to help you if you can't be respectful enough to LET me help you because then you're just being flat out rude.
I think many people just don't want it bad enough; it's not a priority. I was once told that if people say they don't have time or make up some other excuse, it's because whatever you've asked them about is just not a priority to them. For some, it takes them to hit rock bottom to make it a priority while for others just a little of encouragement is sufficient. Well, I've got news for you, it's absolutely draining trying to continually convince someone else to make health their priority. I can deal with encouraging others and I am more than happy to help but once in a while I get that person that makes me feel like a beggar, like I'm desperately trying to get them to care about what I think should be somewhat automatic.
No more.
Please do not ask me for help unless you're willing to help yourself by accepting my help.
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