One of the cutest and most amusing things I adore about Snickers is his ability to totally kill the English language. He makes up his own words, can't quite master random English idioms, and some how I understand his mixed up, mismatched sentences like it's another language only I have been invited to learn. And whether it's him continually referring to my hands as my "front feet" or asking "What you think me?" when he really means "What would you think if you were me?", sometimes I can't help but wish he never really improves his English.
Tonight he said something that seriously left me almost peeing my pants.
We've been out and about searching for a long winter coat for me for some time now and it's been next to impossible to find one that isn't tagged with a price that would cost me an arm and leg. Adidas apparently only makes beautiful long jackets for guys while a competing company makes a wicked one but I refuse -- absolutely refuse -- to wear it because I hate the "N" word company.
While shopping and inquiring about coats today, Snickers asked if they had "user sexual jackets" and then corrected himself by asking for "user has sex jackets". Instantly I choked as I tried my absolute hardest not to laugh, or pee my pants for that matter. He wasn't joking though, he just couldn't remember the word "unisex". I thought it was too funny and super cute.
This Monday or Tuesday my "user-has-sex jacket" should arrive... sweet.
Today's episode of "let's-kill-the-English-language-with-laughter" was followed by an unexpected episode of "drunk foreigner". It played out in the street below my apartment window at 3:30am and featured a drunk foreigner who had originally been kicked out of the Banana Bar. I woke up to the sound of him screaming for his phone and once his whinny voice hit my ears, both Snickers and I flew to the window to catch the live action.
Holy mental melt down, that pretty much summed up the plot of tonight's episode.
It was one of those rare episodes where who the protagonist is clearly obvious but you're left confused as to what to feel for the fall of them. I started off frustrated and annoyed but then felt sorry for him. I suppose I should state some details of the story line that unfolded here and let you be the judge of it all.
After tonight's protagonist got escorted out of the Banana Bar by a crew of other foreigners and the bar manager, he then started yelling about his phone. He kept on asking if he could go and get his phone but those around him insisted he go home. One of the guys had it in his hand, waved it to prove so and then placed it on a bench belonging to the neighboring wine bar. The guy continued to yell about his phone, totally ignoring the fact it was in front of him, and insisted he had to call his mother because of his limp. He then limped around to show it off. Then, when he stopped doing so, stopped limping and clearly was walking perfectly fine, one of the guys mentioned this. That was the switch that instantly flicked him into mental breakdown mode, wow. Into the neighboring wine bar he stormed. He was hysterically crying and yelling about having to call his mom. I couldn't see what was going on inside the bar but it was obvious by the smashing of glass and crashing sounds that he was trashing the place.
And then he wasn't. Then there was complete silence.
I don't know whether or not someone had knocked him out but suddenly there was no noise. Snickers and I looked at each other, totally confused. Next thing I noted was one of the wine bar workers exiting the bar and calling the police. He called the police, neighbors called me, and I urged Snickers to go downstairs and help. Some how we have become like the neighborhood watch go-to people for our neighbors. I'm not too sure how this has come about but tonight we decided to not get involved. This clearly wasn't a matter of just splitting up two fighters. Instead, we remained as audience members in tonight's episode.
I've seen my fair share of "drunken foreigner" episodes take place outside my window, and "drunk Korean" episodes too for that matter, but tonight's episode was disturbing. It wasn't a matter of cheap drunk fighting or guys arguing over something said or a bar tab not paid. It was a mental break down -- a very public and very loud mental break down. And for this reason, I felt confused as to what to feel about tonight's episode. I don't really consider myself a part of the foreign crowd here in Cheonan but word gets around and word of this particular person has reached my ears on several occasions. I've even be called upon to defend someone against him.
It was amusing watching him try fake a limp but it wasn't funny witnessing him snap; that was not cool at all. Tonight he completely broke emotionally and though I didn't know what his story was, there were definitely underlying issues that he had bottled up. Tonight his lid finally popped off -- he publicly blew up right outside my window -- and I didn't know what to feel for him. I felt terrible for both the owners of the Banana Bar and the wine bar for having to deal with this character. I felt embarrassed with having my neighbors call me, as if because I'm a foreigner I must be held responsible for another or at least get involved. And I felt disturbed and even a bit sad with watching what was clearly someone mentally snapping.
The police then arrived but by the time they did all the other foreigners had left the scene as had the Banana Bar owner. The protagonist was then left with the police. I couldn't watch anymore and instead returned to bed. "We have to move out of downtown" I told Snickers. Sure, for every five episodes of "drunk Korean" there may only be one "drunk foreigner" but considering foreigners are a minority here, their episodes stick out, become remembered and definitely stir up my neighborhood here. We use to joke and say that these so-called episodes were free entertainment but they really are not free. They come with a heavy price and the price I often am forced to pay for them is usually embarrassment the next day when I have to walk down the street and feel many of my neighbors mentally labeling me incorrectly as "one of those foreigners".
Cheonan is loaded with over 9,000 foriegners. Most of them are ESL teachers, working honest jobs and enjoying life here. Another big percentage are East-Asian factory workers, many of which have left their families so that they can send their paychecks home to help their families. So it drives me complete bonkers when I see crap like this take place because all it does is help feed the stereotypical image many Koreans have of foreigners. I am so over the drama of one killing it for the rest of us. They cause problems that no sooner do they stir up but then leave for us to deal with. It's great for them to be able to leave but it sucks for the rest of us who have decided to make Korea a home. It's us who are stuck picking up the pieces and cleaning up the damage they've caused and that's not fair. I've never been more eager to move away from downtown and further disconnect myself with those not associated with my boxing club than I was tonight. I really can't stomach the pathetic high school drama anymore.
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