While sipping over a cup of hot coffee, still sporting my crazy bedhead and waiting for the caffeine in my coffee to wake me up, Snickers turns to me and says "I don't care what others say, I can adopt". I had no idea where that came from but I knew who exactly the "other" he was referring to here and I knew his "can" meant accept.
The other day I said something really terrible and no sooner had I said it I knew I had definitely gone too far. It was in reference to a friend's wife -- a young mother of two -- who couldn't handle the stress of family life and couple life so she committed suicide. I won't repeat here what it was that I said but will note that I noted I could somewhat understand her stress.
I live in Korea and I'm not Korean but I am married to a Korean man. It has brought along a whole line of expectations and pressures that I as a once single foreign gal living here could never have imagined and, consequently, I am quite aware that I don't meet the expectations of my in-laws. I am the delinquent daughter-in-law, the rebellious sister-in-law, the difficult wife -- the "runt" of the Kim family.
I figure I only have two choices -- become stronger and accept it or lose myself to be accepted.
When I was little, I got away with a lot because I was the smallest in my pack and I worked the cute card but I was a trouble maker. I knew for many of the things I did I'd get caught so instead of going small with the bad stunts I pulled I went big -- I made it worth it. I was the kid who instead of telling on the girl who repeatedly stole my gum from my school desk, bought paintball bullet balls and let her believe it was gum. When recess came around and she went to enjoy my "gum", she got a mouth full of paint. It was either get trouble from her for ratting her out or get in trouble for letting her eat paint. I obviously picked the paint and yes, I got in trouble, but I made it worth it.
And just like I used to make it worth it if I was going to get in trouble, I see no point in trying to "quiet" who I am so I tend to be all that louder and prouder. My in-laws don't agree with me boxing so now I have a boxing club. I don't have a boxing club because of them but the shock value it's brought about definitely has added some extra appeal for me. Things I possibly would have eventually agreed on with my in-laws, I am all that more stubborn with sticking to the side I initially stood on. One of these sides is definitely adoption.
When Snickers returned from his first trip to Canada, back in 2010, he told his mother "In Canada they buy children". He had seen a mother with two little children -- the mother looked European and the children were Asian. I didn't know the Korean word for "adopt" so I used the word "bought". When he made the correction and told them many Canadians adopt children, it was made obvious his mother had a negative view on the issue.
Snickers asked me if I'm curious about what kind of baby his DNA and my DNA would make but my answer wasn't what he had expected. No, I'm not curious because I don't want a baby. I am not baby-friendly and when I was younger, I always expected myself to one day adopt. As for what kind of child he and I would "make", I don't think you need DNA for that. It all goes back to the aged-old debate of nature vs. nurture. I think nurture is stronger than nature in determining what or who your child develops into so them sporting your personal DNA is not necessarily important. And so lays one of the many reasons why I am pro-adoption over pregnancy. Snickers asked me why I don't want "my own child" but I argued that an adopted child IS your own child -- hello nurture. I really hate it when people ask me that, why I don't want my "own" child and rather adopt. I know they mean my own flesh and blood but it just irritates me that they would regard an adopted child as such, as if it's not deserving of all the love and warmth of a child that shares my flesh and blood. If anything, it deserves all that plus more. An adopted child is a chosen child. It's a lot easier to get pregnant than it is to go through the adoption process. And then to open your heart and home to this child... wow... you don't even want to get me started here. Snickers argued and said that perhaps the adopted child may come with behavioural issues and whatnot but so does any same flesh and blood child. I've always believed a child is a child and every child deserves love, case closed.
Honestly, I don't think we would ever be given the OK to adopt a child with our lack of regular routines and late night schedule. Adopting dogs may be as far as our adoption privileges go but it's surely nice to know that Snickers isn't as close-minded as those who share his flesh and blood.
I once told him that before he pushed the whole issue of having a baby any further, I wanted him to go to an orphanage and spend one day there. If he could walk out and tell me that he still rather bring a new life into this world instead of giving a life to someone already here, than we would talk more. Surely I'd call him a cold-hearted bastard if he could but I'd have to respect the fact that at least he gave it an honest attempt at trying to see adoption as I do. Having said that, today he told me that he wants to visit the orphanage within the next week or two.
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