When I was at the baseball game last night my heart sunk in my chest and I instantly felt like I was going to be sick. I leaned over the railing at the Rogers Centre and thought I was honestly going to puke. What had happened was Snickers had texted me pictures of what's going on in Korea, more specifically what's going on with our club, and it was like a knife to the heart. It wasn't until I was home that I looked at them because I knew I needed some privacy to do so.
Looking at them initiated a panic attack.
I put my head between my knees, tried to control my breathing, and tried to relax but I just couldn't. It was scary, I was scared, and then the tears started to flow. My attack lasted only a couple of minutes but it totally exhausted me and I was left feeling so incredibly discouraged, bitter and angry.
Hulk's is moving forward without me, a reality I had agreed to but didn't realize how hurt it'd make me feel.
Part of the reason I wanted so bad to make a boxing club in Korea was to find my place there -- create a place where I was needed and wanted, a place where my absence is felt just as much as my presence. I don't think my absence is felt there anymore though and the truth is in the speed at which Phase Two is playing out and how nothing has really skipped a beat since I've left. If anything actually, things have exhilarated and that hurts.
I don't know what's going to become of my year here but I know what's becoming of it for Hulk's and we're not in sync with each other anymore. I knew this year would be big for me but I was under the impression that it'd be just another usual year for Hulk's. This is going to be just as big of a year for Hulk's as it is for me and none of us planned for that. This changes everything; this most definitely changes everything and in more ways than I can even begin to shed light on and explain. You have no idea.
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