I was supposed to volunteer at the Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon this morning but I didn't. I stayed up late engaged in a serious talk with someone.
Having lost my mother to cancer four years ago, talking to others dealing with a similar situation always brings up a lot for me and not just because of having lost my own mom to pancreatic cancer. I can empathise with them but it feels like still very much a fresh wound for me. When it initially happened, when my mom died, it didn't feel real. It was as if I was in disbelief because these things always happen to everyone else but now it had happened in my own family. There of course was the initial shock at the news but then a sense of numbness and bitterness. My bitterness was directed towards God for taking someone who undoubtedly believed in him. Friends thought it odd that I didn't cry at the funeral nor did I get all emotional when I decided to start to clean out my mom's closet just days after we laid her to rest. It wasn't until this past year that I actually cried about her passing. That day my father, brother and his family showed up to take me to my mom's grave site, I went earlier. I went to prepare myself because it had been 4 years since I had last been there and I didn't know how I'd react to it. And oh did I react -- I cried.
Last night I was asked "how did you deal with it -- how did you cope?" I think everyone deals with it differently but for me I found relief in knowing my mom had lived a long, full, beautiful life and that her being bed ridden in a hospital wasn't life. She was waiting there, ready to die but waiting for us to let her go. After we celebrated her and my dad's wedding anniversary together we all acknowledged the fact we were ready, at least my father and I did.
Four years and I still struggle to accept the fact that she's gone.
So no volunteering today -- sorry marathon runners.
Headed off to church and who should randomly come during the middle of the service and sit beside me but the very person I had had that heart-to-heart talk with last night. I got all teary eyed at the sight of him and seriously couldn't stop smiling. The pastor could have been speaking Greek for all I knew, I was just so pleasantly surprised to see my special visitor beside me. Unlike me though, he actually got something out of the service beyond the fact that my attention span on the service was that like a goldfish at the sight of him, 5 seconds.
Church was followed by a late breakfast out -- brunch.
Am pretty sure I found the best breakfast hot spot but I don't want to share it. I'm convinced that even those who work there don't want to share it because they don't even have business cards...hahaha. Cute.
Church, brunch, and then a basketball game. Yup. Today may be my day off training but my days always involve some kind of sport. Today it was catching a live game -- Toronto Raptors vs the Cavaliers. Toronto won, 87-81.
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