Always a Reason... Tuesday, April 23

Reason 101 why not to call my dad, we had an earthquake yesterday and it killed 4 people.

Every time I go to call my dad in Canada, I have yet another reason why it's best I hold off.  I'm sure he's heard of the earth quake either through the news or friends and family that follow me on Facebook but I don't care to talk to him about it.  I saw it.  I felt it.  I experienced it.  But it DOES NOT change my desire to live in this country nor does it convince me in any way to leave here for Canada.

I may never live in Canada ever again and I'm more than okay with that.

I wish my father accepted that. 

I want to call my dad and tell him that I finally have a location for my business but, Reason 102 why not to call my dad.  I know my great news will break his heart.  That's hard to digest so I just don't put it out there.  

My life would be so different if my father was just proud of me and supported me with what I'm doing here in the Philippines.  Instead, he still believes it'd be best if I lived in Canada.  It's almost as if he forgot or is ignorant to just how unproductive I felt in Canada.  How I felt like I had finally escaped Korea only to become lost in Canada.  I tried to find my place and then I tried to make a place for myself but the reverse culture was too much.  I remember forgetting English words like "wrist" and "end" while I was coaching so I wrote the English word "wrist" on my wrist, to remind myself.  I did like living in Canada but it was in comparison to what it was like living in Korea.  Compared to Korea anything and everything was better.  I was somewhat on "vacaction mode" for a good chunk of it because I was just relearning how to breath and was enjoying not feeling so watched and monitored.  But when it came to setting up my company and establishing myself, that was hard.  It was hard to start all over at ground level again when I had reached such success in Korea.  Moreover, I felt I wasn't even at ground level, I was at basement level, because of everything expecting me to fit and just resume life in Canada like I had done 12 years prior when I hadn't even left for Korea.

My dad doesn't call me and now he doesn't email me.  

I know he's not in the best condition but I also know that, if he wanted, he'd be surrounded by family and friends.  I'm here alone.  I only have Skittles, Cassius and Balboa.  But considering 2 of the 3 are four-legged little boys, I really only have Skittles as my family and friend here.