I don't have a Canadian license but today I figured out how to get a Philippine license despite it.
I need to get wheels, a scooter. It's a much needed disconnection, a means of getting out.
Yesterday was a rough day for me. I really "embraced the suck" and things bottled up in my head and heart all came out. Frustrations hit the roof and I felt like I was to either explode on everything or implode on myself.
I laid on my office floor yesterday for a solid two hours, stuck in my own self pity.
Work and workout, that's all I've known for the longest time. That was my survival strategy in Korea. It's what kept me sane when the good went bad, when the bad got ugly, and then when the ugly got dangerous. Things aren't bad in the Philippines for me, don't get me wrong, but I'm a pro fighter and the fighter life is a lonely one. Through in the fact I run my own company by myself and live where I work... and ya, it can be a super quiet life.
Recently Balboa and Cassius have been lashing out at each other as they struggle with their own doggie territorial issues. Balboa is trying to be the alpha dog and control Cassius and Cassius is simply not backing down but instead is fighting back as he defends himself. It's quite stressful between them the past few weeks and being that I'm with them around the clock, even if I'm on the next floor coaching or working, I feel their stress and am equally stressed if not more.
I miss my friends in Canada. I miss them everyday but I don't talk to them as much as I would if chatting with them didn't make me miss them all that more. It's been over two years since I saw them. If I had a whack of money, I'd fly some of them out here. Instead of me going to Canada, I rather send them a plane ticket because I love living in the Philippines, I want to show them my life here and I am just happier here. My only need to go to Canada is just to see them. It's not the country I particularly want to see. I'd buy them a ticket to come here, let them stay at my clubhouse, and then perhaps go to an island for a super chill vacation together. If I did that one time a year, that'd be perfect. I'd get my dose of friends and come back from a mini vacay feeling refreshed.
I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself and I know I should try harder to make friends here but it's hard when I already have awesome friends. They just live a couple of plane rides away. I don't have close friends here because I'm not a good friend. I don't go out because I don't get asked out. But even if asked out, I probably wouldn't go. Instead, I burry myself in my work here perhaps too much because it's all I know and I don't know how to disconnect.
I got into a discussion about this today and noted that I know all too well that I need to check myself on the daily and should be more grateful than anything else. My Lil' Sistas are such a humble reality check and every time I think of them and just how resilient they are, what they've been through and the challenges they face and will continue to face as they recover and rebuild themselves, I feel silly for getting worked up for things that really aren't so big in the bigger picture. So-called problems and I struggles I deal with, someone else is praying for. Others would gladly trade places with me. I should feel blessed to be stressed but that's a reality I still struggle to comprehend and accept.
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