Just as I had ordered my Angkas for boxing, my phone rang. It was Korea. It was Korea telling me that one of my mini Hulkies had died. He committed suicide. A "mini Hulkie" is a member at my club that's under the age of 18 and though he was almost 18, he wasn't yet, and I had started coaching him in Korea when he was 12.
I'm going to somewhat speculate here and say that I think him having to do the mandatory Korean military service of 2 years had something to do with it, as did the belief many of us had that he was gay.
I don't know if his parents will have a proper funeral. I know suicide in Korea is kind of kept hush-hush as many families see it as a source of shame. I won't be able to go to the funeral regardless though and that's what I struggled with today -- I lost a mini Hulkie and I can't even go to pay my respect.
To be so young and yet so devastated and stressed about something to the point where you'd rather take your life than continue, I simply can't wrap my head around it. And to think that he thought he was all alone there, that there was no one to help him, no one for him to lean on, that's heartbreaking. Don't get me wrong, I thought I was all alone in Korea even though I was married. When sh!# hit the fan with Snickers and the good went to the bad, the bad got ugly, and then the ugly got down right dangerous, I honestly felt I had no one but I knew that was because of my own pride. Eventually I did somewhat reach out to someone, my running partner. Telling her a glimpse of what was going on in my marriage was like hitting her with a Mac truck but she supported me, she listened.
It was a short phone call, cut off by the fact that my Angkas had just arrived.
And just like that I had to quickly compose myself and head into boxing.
During boxing, Coach Marcelo came up to me and just stood there starring at me. I asked him what he was doing and he responded by saying "I'm looking for Amy". I wasn't totally there.
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