My Struggle for a "Point"... Thursday, December 23

It took me awhile to get to this point, the point where I could sit down and explain, or even try to touch down on, the Hell I went through on game day. Possibly everything that could have gone bad on fight day did, starting from Snickers telling me he thought he lost his wedding ring – totally not game-related true but none the less stressful.

I fell on the ice outside while walking Mi Nam that morning, construction at the subway meant we waited on the wrong subway platform and then ended up missing our train. Showed up at exactly 1:46pm and was told that my expected 4pm fight had been rescheduled. My fight had been bumped to the FIRST fight, meaning I had exactly 14 minutes till I’d be expected in the ring.

Fourteen minutes to prep for a six-round fight?! Talk about stress.

I didn’t care who was around me, down went my pants and off flung my shirt. I stripped down and jumped into my fight uniform. Junior Mint wrapped my hands like a madman while Snickers scrambled around with no luck to find a convienience store. The stadium was in the middle of nowhere, so my much-needed sugar-high Korean yogurt drinks were nowhere to be found.

I’ve noted before on my homepage here that I’m on the verge of being a diabetic in that high levels of stress of high levels of intense exercise kills by blood sugar level and leaves me with the shakes and feeling faint, something that started back when I was a high school student. My high school cross country and field hockey coaches used to keep cinnamon heart candies in their pockets when I had competitions, Junior Mint keeps chocolate in the club fridge for me, and my pre-game routine involves me downing a Snickers bar. I had stashed some candies in my bag on fight day but they were special toffee candies my mom had sent me from Canada but when Junior Mint spotted them while on route to my fight, I ended up handing out what few I had in stashed in my bag. I ended up getting mad shakes before my fight, not because of nerves but because I had nothing in my tummy, of which also included a good dose of sugar to fix my blood-sugar level.

Having said all this, that is not exactly why it’s taken me so long to post anything about my fight. I didn’t post anything because I couldn’t… I had lost “my point” and was struggling to regain myself. By “my point” I am referring to who I am, what makes me different. As you know, Korea is loaded to the brim with foreign English teachers but I’ve always been proud to introduce myself as a professional boxer. Normal is something that’s never sat well with me. To be normal, in my eyes at least, means to be nothing special and nothing different than the next guy.

I never want to be normal. Average is not what I'm going for.

Sure, we all claim we’re all different but the more I think about it the more I think we’re really not all that different, especially when I consider other foreigners in Korea. For the most part, to be a foreigner in Korea means 9 out of 10 you’re an English teacher.

I don’t want to be labeled as just another foreigner in Korea.

I remember back in my university days, I told my Korean culture professor that I was going to go to Korea and change its’ history… and I did. I got my name written in Korea’s history books by becoming the first foreign female to ever become a professional boxer in Korea but now I’m struggling it seems to keep my name alive in the very same history book I got it written in.

So my point… “my point”… my point is that I’m a professional female boxer, that’s what differs me from the thousand other foreigners here in Korea and I felt that if I lost my boxing I’d just be another English teacher.

I am not an English teacher… I refuse to wear this label. I do private tutoring, true, but that’s what I do not what I am. I am a professional boxer.

This week has been a rough week for me and it’s taken me a good couple of days to open up to even Snickers about the thought of losing “my point”. I was so disappointed with the whole Saturday situation that I became a mute for a good day and a half. I told Snickers to not talk to me, rejected all phone calls and a couple of texts to Cat were the only form of communication I had with anyone. I didn’t even so much as open my mouth so that I could buy a train ticket home; I just got on the train without a ticket.

It’s like this fight brought upon me a fight with my identity and it dragged in some many other people with it. My sister-in-law’s father-in-law died this week and I refused to go to the funeral on account that I was sure Mama Kim would be pleased with the news of my loss. That’s terrible to say, I know, but I’m still not sure on whether or not I’d take back that thought after all it was Mama Kim who noted to me that “Married women don’t box”.

So ya… it’s been a bumping road this week but I am okay now. My eye is still very purple but now I proudly sport it. My Church Kiddies have been really encouraging to me in that they’re overly fascinated with my tough-girl eye and have been treating me like I just won a champion belt. A special thanks to many of my friends who have been really supportive and encouraging towards me despite me being MIA this week. Many of them have flooded my Facebook, email account and cell phone with numerous messages whereas some have even shared personal stories to help lift me up.

Here’s some Facebook messages I’ve received:
- That rainbow on your face is a sure sign that you've been given an opportunity to learn something...
- Rainbow is better than stars! Relax, heal up and get back at her!
- What’s the other guy look like Rocky? Did you give some can of Polish whip ass ;)
- I like your attitude and really respect you. I know you're very sincere about boxing.

- ..it's part of the game... make some adjustments, move forward and get back at it. Not many people can say they can do it in the first place.
- Don't let anything get you down babe! Fighting!!!! Whatever it is, hope you can push past it and crack on with another project/fight...Whatever you do!
- Chin up, slugger. To quote the Italian Stallion himself, "It's not how hard you can hit, it's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward". And I def don't see you going backward! Peace.
- ...you got it girl-keep moving forward.
- I'm still in awe of how hard you train even when you don't have a fight scheduled!
- I didn't know that such bad things piled up on Saturday. Hopefully, I can see your game in Japan again, and everything goes well.
- I'm very sorry to hear that you lost (you're still my favorite boxer though).

So many times I feel so restricted and so limited with what I can be and what I can do in Korea. Getting a simple part time job at a coffee shop, a job so easy to get back in Canada, seems almost impossible here in Korea. My choices are teach English or... teach English. Don't get me wrong, I like teaching but what happens if I wake up tomorrow and hate it? What then? I don't want to do something I hate and right now boxing is the main thing I love doing in Korea. Boxing gave me a sense of identity here in Korea and without it I think I'd be crushed. I wouldn't know what to do cause I wouldn't want to do anything else.

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
What's your "point"?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Committing yourself is a way of finding out who you are. A man finds his identity by identifying. A man's identity is not best thought of as the way in which he is separated from his fellows but the way in which he is united with them.
-- Robert Terwilliger