Feeling Disconnected... Friday, January 7

Today, as I went around the room asking my middle school Church Kiddies to give their answers, I kind of wondered off in thought.

In class we were focusing on gerunds and infinitives today and I had asked students to complete the sentences accordingly. For the most part students gave somewhat safe answers but I was surprised when I asked one student to complete the sentence “I avoid…”.

“I avoid meeting my friends” was her answer.

The rest of the class snickered when she gave it but despite even I too originally thinking it as being strange, I could totally relate. I didn’t ask her to elaborate, instead I leaned into her and whispered “me too”. I do. In Korea I often go out of my way to avoid meeting friends and, though I can’t really explain or understand why it is I do so, I know full well that I do it.

I think it all comes down to being disconnected.

At times I feel so disconnected to others here. I feel I no longer relate with the foreigners here but I can’t fully relate with the Koreans either. I’m a Polish/Canadian gal who has been living in Korea for 6 years now and is married to a Korean man. I think being married to a Korean man is the biggest factor that has separated me from many other foreigners. Moreover, I know very few other foreigners who have stayed in Korea as long as I have. The issues I have as a Korean-man married, long-time residing foreigner are so much different than most.

I know quite a few foreigners but only would label a few of them as being friends. My Korean friends and foreign friends wouldn't click though. If we all were to go out, none of my foreign friends speak enough Korean to understand my Korean friends, that is if my Korean friends even cared to show up if they knew foreigners were coming along. And with the exception of a few, my Korean friends speak just as much English as the foreigners I know speak Korean – very little.

This past year I resigned from Dankook University, jumped fully into my training and started private tutoring. I’m totally out of the loop with the foreign group here, not that I was really into it but being away from working alongside foreigners has made me all that more out of touch with them.

I’m not Korean but I don’t feel like a foreigner anymore, especially now that my only real interaction with foreigners is driving past them in the street. I don’t quite stand in the middle of the two extremes though (foreigners and Koreans), I lean more towards one side, the Korean side. I am cool with foreigners but must admit that I feel more comfortable among Koreans.

It’s definitely a weird feeling to feel like a foreigner to the foreigners… and so the disconnection continues.

Snickers is always telling me that I need to get out more, meet more people and have more fun, but I am quite happy staying home and surrounding myself with just him and Mi Nam. I hate the whole meeting new people idea, after all, how am I really to meet new people? I guess I really don't know how to meet people anymore. I tried joining a language study club but that just annoyed me cause I went there to honestly study but ended up teaching Korean cause not enough Koreans showed up. I tried joining a dinner club but I don't eat massive sit-down meals and I ended up having a very uncomfortable moment at one meeting when I ran into a guy I met in Japan; a guy who apparently didn't remember me slapping him in Japan.

I use to be one of those "I'm a foreigner and you're a foreigner so let's be friends" kind of girl but after having spent six years in Korea I've realized that, for the most part, if I were to meet many of these foreigners in Canada I probably wouldn't give them the time of day. That's brutal to say but it's true. I don't like that us both being foreigners means I have to be friends with them. If I wouldn't be friends with them in Canada than why would I be friends with them in Korea? Exactly.

As for meeting Koreans, a couple of the girls at the MAC counter at Yawoori are super sweet to me and I think it'd be fun to hang with them but at the thought of feeling like I'm hitting on them,I just can't bring myself to tell them "call me". And then there's the girl who does my hair at Park June. I met her through Snickers but every time I visit her she always bombards me with questions about Snickers.

I find that meeting people in Canada is so much easier than meeting random people in Korea. Everyday random strangers talk on the subways, chit chat on the bus, say hi when passing in the street, but I find that Koreans don't necessarily make for friendly strangers unless you're stepping in their shop or giving them some kind of business. Koreans make for sound loyal friends but it's getting that friendship sparked that's the hard part. They're are all about networking, friends meeting new friends via old friends. I know that's how it is with dating too, hence how I met my exs.

It'd be nice to have a couple of new female Korean friends who aren't out for me to be some kind of free English tutor or Western-man match maker. It'd be nice to have a couple of new female foreign friends too, who aren't such annoyingly stereotypical foreigners... live here for a year or two and you'll know exactly what I mean!!!

QUESTION OF THE DAY...
How do you meet people?

QUOTE OF THE DAY...
Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.
-- Czech Proverb