I think today may have very well been the absolute most trying day of my stay -- trying of my patience, my tolerance, my morals, and trying of my respect for some people in the boxing community. And if it weren't for the fact we had travelled to an island here today and I can't physically run away then I'd be long gone by the time this entry posts.
You know that big speech that Hugh Grant's character gives in the movie "Love Actually"? You know the one after he meets with the American President and shocks the president and the press at the press conference by saying "Actually, I feel as if this has become a bad relationship..."; well, that speech could most definitely apply to what has gone down.
The other day I learnt my 6 round fight was changed to 8 rounds, and today I learnt my opponent has also been changed, a fact that I am rather upset about. I emailed my manager in Korea about it and he messaged me back with a few Thai contact numbers if I wanted to seek out additional help and he noted he'd support me if I want to refuse to fight this Friday. I must note here I was so grateful to read this from him and it came at a moment just when I needed some much honest support and encouragement. I could just not fight, stand my grounds for what is right, but I know they'd retaliate and keep it on my record.
I haven't had any actual in-club training for the past two days when I thought the whole point of me coming here early was to train. And beyond yesterday's brutal run that I initiated, my exercise has been whatever push ups and whatnot I have taken upon myself to do. I don't agree with their lack of training time they've scheduled and I think to not train and to not train hard is not only disrespectful to my opponent but also to my sport, those back home supporting me, my Hulkies who I could and should be training, and to my husband who is juggling everything on his own. They're pushing me more towards staying active and sweating it out than actual training -- "cutting weight through play" -- but I didn't come here to play. This is not a vacation for me, this is suppose to be work.
I know I should be enjoying Thailand and I know my crew here are trying to make me enjoy it but we simply have such opposing views on what it is we are here to do and that has proven to be the huge problem here. I am grateful that they want to show me Thailand, the country is absolutely beautiful and I wouldn't have seen what I have if it weren't for them, but I came here to train hard, eat clean, trim down, and fight. I didn't expect or want anything more that that and I think maybe they are trying too hard to make me enjoy my stay here. I honestly really don't care to go fishing, swimming or sitting on the beach like we did today, unless that is I can get in some round work at the club first and get in a good run. My mind is only on preparing for my fight. Consequently, me trying to squeeze in training has resulted in me trying to make everything into some kind of exercise or competition and I've even resorted to making it a guys against me the only girl thing in attempts at luring them in. I turned a leisurely swim into a crazy hard swim when I decided to swim out to some random boat way the heck away from the shore and then treaded water for a good 10 minutes while I yelled at them, calling them chickens. They never joined me so I headed out into the ocean a second time. That's when people on the beach stopped to watch me and then some of my crew joked that I was simply crazy. I had just swam 2.4kms out into the ocean with boats passing behind me. Later, a late night stroll and relaxing sit on the beach resulted in me egging the guys on to do a reverse plank challenge.
I fear I am not getting stronger in Thailand but instead am getting smaller and skinner, both of which I don't care to do. I feel I am wasting away here -- wasting away in size, muscle, patience, and passion. But despite the total lack of clean eating food (and food for that matter), my energy levels seem to be quite high. Perhaps it is the coffee. Perhaps it is the coffee mixed with the bitterness I feel towards being in Thailand but being forced to either eat Korean food or a lack of food and the disappointment about having my eyes opened to the dirty business side of my sport and those involved in it. Half a week ago everything was different. Training was so much harder, my eating was so much cleaner, my head was so much clearer, and I was so much more ignorant. I want my week back.
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