It’s funny what people label as being a “problem”. I say this because tonight I got into a discussion about adoption with Snickers and 4Man-C. 4Man-C had noted that he is not interested in adoption but that thinks it’s a good option for “couples with problems”. When I asked him what he meant by “couples with problems” he noted couples that cannot get pregnant.
“Problem”, an interesting choice of word because though Snickers and I fit his definition of a “couple with problems” I wouldn’t say it is a problem at all. I've always viewed my so-called “problem” as a blessing in disguise for numerous reasons-- a blessing that I am continually thankful for and appreciative of. A blessing I just wouldn't want to change.
Snickers and I are both firm believers that things happen for a reason and I know you can seek medical help to get pregnant but I don’t necessarily agree with it. For me personally, I think it’s almost like playing God because if it were meant to be it’d be. Not being able to get pregnant doesn’t mean you were meant to not have a family nor does it mean you don’t have other options. Maybe the point of me not being able to get pregnant is because there is another purpose for me. Maybe I am supposed to adopt, I don’t know. All I know is I’ve always been pro-adoption and then today, when one of my friends posted a picture of him holding a little orphan named Minho, it really got to me. My whole evening became Minho-centered.
I know absolutely nothing about this little Minho boy except for the fact that he’s a gorgeous mini-Korean who attached himself to my friend today when he was out volunteering at a local orphanage. When I saw his picture today I instantly couldn’t help but wonder if he’ll become another B. B is an older boy I taught at a winter camp, he too is an orphan but he's 12 and consequently, because of his age, has been labelled "undesirable". Saying goodbye to B at the end of camp was one of the hardest emotional things I’ve had to do in a long time because I knew he wasn’t going home to parents and a home like my other students.
4Man-C was quite shocked at how pro-adopt I am and how firm I stand in my beliefs. I’ve always believed adoption to be a very respectable and noble thing and I’m all too well-aware of how a vast majority of Koreans frown upon it. 4Man-C had noted that many Koreans see it as a couple publically admitting they have a problem. “They DON’T have a problem” I argued, “it’s others who frown at it – THEY have the problem!”
When I showed the picture of Minho to Snickers and 4Man-C, I asked them if I showed up tomorrow with Minho in my arms, would they not want to pick him up, play with him and bombard him with cuddles and kisses. Of course they wouldn’t be able to hold back and that’s my point. Snickers would instantly fall in love with Minho and no one would even know he wasn’t his own flesh and blood because Snickers would adore this cutie to pieces as if it were his own.
I’ve been very blessed to have a two-parent family that has unconditionally loved me and I believe every child is deserving of this. Consequently, I don’t think it’s fair to deny a child this love because of a decision their parents made or because of what a certain society thinks. I don’t think it’s fair to make society’s problem Minho’s problem.
Our discussion actually got quite heated and I got a bit choked up. I felt like I was fighting against the two of them and I was okay with that but what I wasn’t ok was the idea that this is just but a glimpse into how Korea views adoption.
My desire to not have a baby stems from a couple of reasons but lately it mainly stems from the fact that I love my life. I’ve worked very hard at creating the life I now have, I’m proud of where I am and what I’m doing, and I have exactly everything and anything I need. I am more than happy with it just being Snickers and I. I don’t want a baby but I will acknowledge that yes, I am married to a man who wants to have a family of our own. I am definitely not agreeing to letting any medical doctor probe and prod me but I would consider adoption.
The end of our discussion ended when 4Man-C restated an earlier sentence he had said– “Koreans just don’t think adoption is good”. I responded with “But Koreans think shorts in the winter are good?! Like I’m going to let Korean thinking delegate my life! Koreans 0, the Polish white girl 1.”
1 comment:
I definitely feel you on the whole adoption thing. I remember being taken aback to learn how frowned upon it is here. I even asked Alex about it--he'd only consider it after he had his own child--or if there was a 'problem' to make his own. He said his biggest fear is he wouldn't love it the same as he would love one of his own blood.
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