A Moment Like This... Sunday, April 7

Snickers always tells me “Don’t worry, everything will be ok” but I argue that it’s because I worry that things turn out ok.

Tonight, like usual, we had our late night meeting. Snickers had mentioned to me earlier that we really needed to discuss the issue of our interior plans. I had come in from ROBO Time – a running event with Flipside Fitness – and after I had showered and ate, I sat down on the couch for our meeting. When he excused himself to go to the bathroom I noticed a pile of papers on the counter so I got up to look at them.

It was a bill with several pages stapled together.

At closer glance of it, I realized that it wasn’t one bill but three bills stapled together – instantly my jaw dropped and I yelled out to Snickers if these were estimates or actual bills. Thankfully they were only estimates but with their total going into the tens of thousands, I couldn’t help but feel a bit of a panic attack instantly.

I can’t say I’ve been feeling any kind of panic attacks or fear over what we’re doing, that is up until yesterday. Last night our painter came in and it was then that he told us that our beautiful white walls that are oddly super clean are in fact some kind of stone, hence why they’re so clean. They’ve got a shine finish to them and even the spray paint someone once sprayed upon them curls and practically rolls right off. My vision of a large in-your-face orange juice bar instantly was shattered and I was so disappointed. “I refuse to have a stark white club!” I told Snickers, “make them make it work!” So while we can’t paint our walls we did figure out a way – place overly sized sticker-like sheets on them. Good idea?!... well, yes and no considering it means that yes we'll be able to add colour but these sticker sheets are twice the cost of paint -- dang Skippy.

My first real panic attack, or closest thing to it, happened right before our meeting started, when I spotted the stapled papers. In my head I tallied up all the money spent but not yet paid out to our crew and suppliers and then all that we still have to buy and arrange for started to consume my thoughts.

When Snickers arrived back from the bathroom he asked me “What’s wrong?” and I answered him, asking him if he ever felt scared about what we’re doing. He answered no but I know him. He may not be scared but I know he’s always been one to tell me things after the fact, when the situation is long over and done.

It’s definitely a strange feeling, being both of the verge of jumping up with excitement and wanting to cry with fear over the same thing. The only way I can even begin to describe it is to compare it to a rollercoaster. You know it’s going to scare the heck out of you and there is always the fear that something really bad may happen, well least I believe, hence why I always keep my arms in like the announcer tells me to. But you go on the ride anyways because you there’s something fun about scaring yourself and screaming your head off. The best part of a rollercoaster is obviously when you reach the very top of the peak, when you see the flag waving in the wind and you know what’s next – the rush of the drop. Perhaps tonight was that top for me. With Snickers wanting us to host a soft opening in single digit days away, it’s so exciting but yet so scary – we’re at the top, the best part.

Or are we?!

All I know is that this week I’ve got about a zillion-trillion things to do and this time next week I very well may be calling it an early night because I have work tomorrow. My father worries that I’m taking on too much with opening this club and I know he’s somewhat right but that’s been the story of my life. I need to have a purpose, things to multi-task and occupy my head with. Perhaps that’s where my obsession with lists stemmed from -- my need to have something to do, some kind of focus or tasks.

With the exception of a close friend whose lack of participation has probably been the biggest form of discouragement to me and Junior Mint's “You’re going to fail – go back to Canada”, I’ve been nothing but supported by friends here and it’s been really incredible, touching and encouraging.  I made a conscious decision last night that instead of trying to figure out where I stand with both these individuals that I'm just going to walk away from them.  Sometimes you just have to give up on people, not because you don't care but because they don't. 

One of my Flipside gals has told me she’ll be dropping by the club tomorrow to bring me coffee and another friend noted she’ll be coming by on Tuesday. It’s a sweet gesture on their behalf but it really does mean so much to both Snickers and I to know that we are supported. We’ve already put ourselves in incredible debt and have poured so much of ourselves into this but, for the sake of living our dream, it’s already been totally worth it.

I may not be able to paint our boxing club green but I'm going to "paint" Cheonan green... you just wait!!!