The results have been clarified. Two phone calls to the racing company was then followed by them texting me my half marathon result time.
1:53:12
It was 8mins slower than the goal time I was aiming for – 1:45 – and 4 minutes slower than my personal best half marathon time. I was crushed but not totally surprised. Yesterday I was almost sure I had beat my time but when I heard Black Skinny’s time I knew I hadn’t. Then it was confirmed today when I received the text time result.
It’d be one thing if I at least had some time to digest and deal with my frustration and disappointment but I received the text message at the exact moment we arrived at WOW Motors. I screamed out “DAMN!!!” in the van and then just sat there. Snickers got out of the van without me but when he looked back and noticed I hadn’t got out, he and WOW Motors President approached the van. I was on the verge of crying because I was so completely disappointed but I refuse to let people see me weak like that so I just sat there looking up at them. I didn’t know what to say. What could I say?!
Better luck next time?!
I don’t even believe in luck – luck is for the ill-prepared.
A friend of mine messaged me today, telling me not to worry and that I should be proud I even participated in it considering all the sleepless nights and grueling renovation work I’ve been doing day in and day out. I hear what she’s saying and I know it’s been a very exhausting month or two but I refuse to use any of that as an excuse. Excuses won't change my result time or make me feel any better. Furthermore, I hate when people give me their long list of excuses why they don’t do this or can’t do that and I absolutely refuse to be one of those people. I've always believed that if there is a will there is a way and no excuse has ever paved the way to success. Excuses only act as obstacles and distractions, setting you astray from the path of success you should be solely focused on. A professor once told me "excuses are for those who don't want something bad enough" and if this be the case then I automatically omit myself from being able to use them.
Everyone has an excuse
and my excuse is I’m sick of excuses.
I had trained hard and though perhaps I’ve been working myself thin with juggling training and renovations, it was my choice from the get-go. No one said I had to do it just like no one said I have to take on responsibility for the renovations. They were all my choices and now I have to face the consequences.
As for WOW Motors President, he reassured me that he was proud of my run but then was quick to sit me down, dissect the race with me and think up a game plan on how to better train for my next half marathon. There will be no more long runs around the Dankook lake for me. Its path is too flat, too predictable, and it lacks any kind of challenge beyond trying to not run into the crowds of people that insist on taking up the whole path. I may keep my short runs around the lake but my long runs will be done on a neighboring mountain so that they incorporate some hill-training. Also, I'm going to switch up my running routes too, so that my body doesn't become comfortable with them.
I view this race as a failure -- “A” for effort but “F” for fail. It is a race I am not proud of and that is now one of the consequences I’ll have to deal with. I just don’t understand though. I had ran beyond my comfort level and had pushed myself harder than I had before.
What doesn’t break you makes you stronger.
Am definitely going to bank on this idea.
The plan is to pick up another half marathon, perhaps for mid September when Hulk's has been open for awhile, I have a set work routine down and the crazy Korean summer heat has passed. WOW Motors President encouraged me to consider this and noted to me that he wants to do this with me.
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