I can't say I've really been called my fair share of names though I have been called every short name under the sun. My most recent labels have been that of "intense" and "not normal", both of which I actually find complimentary, though I don't think they were intended to be flattering. Today, however, I was called "broken". It was said to me by my herbal doctor. It was said in his attempt to speak English but not quite knowing how to say what it was that he wanted to say. "Your body is... it is.... ummmm... you broken".
I met with him today to start my heat therapy and acupuncture for my legs and while meeting with him we discussed a full history of my health. With the exception of when I had mono when I was 18, my health has always been very good. Mono hitting me right when I also hit puberty did wonders on my body and not good wonders. It left me dropping mad weight, having to be hospitalized because I slept 24/7, and it meant I was then put on birth control once I was released. The doctors told me they have never seen such an extreme case of mono; I literally slept for two months straight and have no recollection of at least a solid month of the time prior to them insisting I had to be placed under the watchful eye of my doctor and put on steroids. Yup, I was prescribed riods -- my friends had fun teasing me with that. Up to that point, before the riods, I couldn't stomach any food and swallowing had become extremely painful, not to mention I only managed to wake up to go pee. Recovering from mono was rough and it combined with hitting puberty, having my first serious boyfriend, preparing for my first year of university, plus being put on birth control to help make me regular meant I experienced a chemical overload, both natural and unnatural. Throw in the fact that I picked up body building, the extreme push I put myself through at the gym, and then boxing, and well my body has always been put through stress. Being told you have but a month to drop mad weight for a fight and continually doing extreme training has a huge effect on your body, now keep this up for many years and viola, you have my situation -- you have my body.
When the doctor said I was "broken", he was referring to the fact that I have my period but two or three times a year. I giggled and said it's an increase from the one to two times I year I used to experience. We actually got into a bit of an argument about this, strangely enough, when he suggested I go see a specialist that deals with "such issues". I argued that there is no issue and that what he has labeled as "broken" I have come to view it as a blessing -- a blessing that I am thankful for it, sometimes even overly thankful for. I do not want children and have always stated that if I were to have a child I would want to adopt. Having said this, my decision to adopt has never been due to being so-called "broken" but because what adoption means to me. He kept on going on though about how I might change my mind and that I should at least "fix things" so that it is an option. "An option for what?! An unwanted pregnancy, a stop in my career and possible depression." I know he meant well but I also knew well enough that he's of the old school way of thinking and I am way too much of a modern day, independent woman to deal with yesterday's thinking.
My doctor stated that because everything in the body is connected, understandably so, he thinks that I need to get my "female issue" dealt with. I am no doctor nor do I think I know better, but if my leg situation has anything to do with my "female issue", being reproductively challenged that is, then why did it take 15 years to show itself?! Things that make you go hmmmm.
I don't want to go get "fixed" nor do I continue to want to use such quotation marks around words that I'm using to mean other things. I love being reproductively challenged, there I said it. And if that means I am broken then so be it. I am a broken, broken woman who doesn't have any monthly cramps and pains like my fellow female friends, I don't have to worry about getting pregnant, there's no monthly bloated feeling or monthly blood. There are no monthly crabbiness or mood swings, and the only use I have for tampons are for the occasional bloody nose I, a fellow teammate or a Hulkie has experienced during sparring. And you know what, I'm pretty damn happy with this so I'd like to keep it as such.
Later, I thought of all the things I could have, would have and maybe should have said when he said I was "broken". Instead, I thought to myself, "broken is what needs to become of your 'women must have babies' old school mentality." I ended up getting rather upset about the whole appointment and started rambling off "broken is...blah, blah, blah" sentences as we drove off. "Broken is his nose if he makes my wife sad again!" Snickers told me. I voted that the best "broken is" sentence. Thanks babe.
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