Asking for Advice... Thursday, April 30

Snickers and I don't eat together -- I cook and he goes to the restaurant.

He is Korean to the core when it comes to food and, unless it's Western fast food, he really only eats Korean food.  I, on the other hand, I really do enjoy Korean food but I only cook Western food.

I don't cook Korean food because...

• I like "one-dish meals" that are simple and fast; Korean food is never fast to make.
• one "simple" Korean dish always has a billion zillion ingredients in it, many of which I've never seen before or don't know what they are.
• I eat 5-6 meals a day and I eat according to my macros nutrients so it is much easier for me to do so when I keep my meals simple.
• my mother taught me how to cook Western food.
• my father taught me how to BBQ.
• my speciality was always baking but bread is kryptonite to my clean eating.
• I love Korean food but I honestly don't care to eat it for every single meal.
• I love my Western-style breakfast and refuse to trade it for any Korean dish.
• I know this is Korean and I'm married to a Korean but I don't support the stereotypical social norms here that because I'm the woman that I have to cook.  We're in 2015, women work, women vote, Korea even has a female president but it's still so outdated in many of its social norms.
• I do cook but Snickers never eats or even so much as tries my food so it's much easier for me to continue just cooking the food I like for myself.
• Snickers' complete lack of interest in my food has resulted in me completely lacking in interest to try to cook any kind of Korean food.

Snickers doesn't cook Korean food because...

• His parents never taught him how to cook.
• His parents occasionally cook and drop off food for him so there is no real urge or push for him to learn how to cook his own food.
• He does know how to cook some dishes but he lacks the ambition to do so (aka he's lazy).
• He is too dependent on friends or sponsors coming by the club to go out with him.
• We don't really have a "kitchen" so it's harder to prepare and cook food.

I feel like this situation reminds me of a lesson once told to me. It was a short story but true to the point and it went something like this, if you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day but if you teach a man how to fish he'll eat for life. I feel like my parents taught me how to fish and moving to Korean really forced me to up my skills but Snickers' parents just gave him a fish and expected him to fend for himself. Once in awhile they'll drop by the club or send him home with another "fish", aka Korean side dishes, but I feel this does nothing but reinforce the dependency on him as their child and his laziness to really help himself and fix this cycle that is so clearly a problem. He seems to have this idea that going out to eat at the restaurant or eventually hiring a cook solves this problem but I surely don't. I know it's really cheap to eat out at a restaurant here in Korea but every time he eats out I can't help but be so incredibly frustrated. Here I am struggling to save money for a plane ticket to go see my family and friends in Canada and he's out there eating the very money I could be, should be and would be saving if only he knew how to cook. 

And then there's the issue with if we had a kid, who would they eat with?  Would they eat with me here at home and not with Snickers or would they go out to a restaurant with Snickers and thus not eat with me?

Awhile back Snickers and I made a rule -- he could only go out to eat at a restaurant twice during the work week.  When he goes out to eat it means he's obviously not at the club and so I am forced to manage and train everyone on my own.  For the most part it is not a problem but that's not the point.  The point is this is our business, our responsibility and our members.  When work hours start we work.  I have never left the club during work hours to go have a fun dinner out with friends because for starters I cook my own food, I rather save that money, and I don't think it's fair to Snickers or our members.  Moreover, it's our money and I don't think it's fair that while I'm trying my hardest to save he's out there spending it everyday.

So this is my dilemma.  Snickers doesn't cook and I don't cook Korean food so we don't eat together.  With the exception of a couple of meals on the weekend, I eat all my meals alone but those couple of meals that I do eat with him are because we've gone out to a restaurant together.  I prefer to eat at home though because the restaurant gives such big servings in comparison to what I am accustomed to.  Consequently, during the weekday I eat 5-6 meals a day but only 2-3 on the weekends.  I rather not go from 5-6 small meals to 2-3 larger meals, messes with my system and my body feels off because of it, but I also feel it's the only chance I have all week to really share a meal with Snickers, my husband.  

This was the big argument caught on tape today and it lasted several hours.  Snickers was of course backed by some of our male Hulkies who say their wives do the cooking. I was greatly relieved when one male Hulkie said he cooked but the biggest relief, and the comic relief too, was when one particular Hulkie walked in with food he had cooked. And, if that wasn't awesome enough, what he had cooked was Polish food!!!

Any suggestions, recommendations or comments on this would be MUCH appreciated as it's been 5 years since I married Snickers and, consequently, 5 years of eating my breakfast alone and cooking for just myself.  He used to cook, sometimes, back when we lived in an apartment, but now it just doesn't happen.