The inevitable has been asked, by more than one person actually, so I thought I'd address it here and just post the link so that it's not really asked again.
Mrs. Kim asked on my homepage...
So I will ask because I thought you might address it in a post at some point but you haven't really gotten into it, which I suppose is your right, but how does this year away from Korea affect your marriage? I guess I don't understand. Will he be coming to visit you? Will you be visiting Korea during your year? If not, is it realistic to plan to spend a year apart from each other? Or are you guys needing a break from each other too? I understand these are personal questions, but other readers must have the same questions also, as it is post after post about your plans for Canada and such but nothing about your relationship. Just wondering.
DETAILS OF MY SABBATICAL IN CANADA:
WHO: Just me, myself and I.
WHAT: A one year sabbatical from coaching so that I can work towards expanding my potential as a professional boxer, club owner and all-round person.
WHEN: Wednesday, August 5th, 2015 I will leave. I will return WITHIN the year, maybe 11 months later, not sure. I have no return ticket.
WHERE: I will be living in Toronto, Canada, probably with a roommate I've met online.
WHY: Why not... because I can. (See additional reasons below.)
HOW: I will work to financially support my training hopefully at the boxing club I'll be training at and Snickers will be running Hulk's with extra help.
Thank you Mrs. Kim for asking some questions. Let me answer your questions simply by saying this year isn't about Snickers, it isn't about us, it isn't about my friends and family, and it isn't about Hulk's for me. This year is for me and will be all about me. And for Snickers, this year will be all for him and all about him. We both have our own goals we want to take on and conquer this year, we just have two different platforms by which they will take place in. Mine will take place in Canada and his will take place in Korea.
Will he come visit me and will I be visiting him, you asked, maybe. Let's see if I can pay my rent and grocery bills first and if he can afford to after paying our new hired help. Any visits to each other will be pure bonus so we're not banking on any. I'm not too sure why all the hype about Snickers and I living apart for a year, I mean soldiers go on tour all the time, they leave their families time after time, and no one assumes it's going to end in a divorce. Why all the negative thinking, that's my question for everyone. Will my marriage last a year apart, I don't know. All I know is we've bombarded each other with an overdose of labels and it's drowning each other out. We are husband and wife, best friends, business partners, coach and boxer, and family. Try wearing all those labels and see if you can walk with the weight of it all on your shoulders. It's tough and it's incredibly hard to distinguish and disconnect between them but we do it. So do we need some time apart, perhaps, but this year isn't about our marriage. Say our marriage doesn't, for whatever reason, last the year apart, would getting a divorce be the worst thing that could happen?! It's a divorce, it's not death. Relax people, seriously. This year apart could be the best thing that could ever happen to us, a reality check as to whether or not we're meant to be together, and that's worth a lot but it's not the purpose of why I'm going to Canada.
For the past three years my entire being was all about Hulk's. All my time, effort and money went into it. I became so incredibly consumed with making sure my business was successful and it is but in doing so I totally lost myself and all my goals and aspirations took a far-in-the-back back seat. The same is true with Snickers too and his goals. We're still both professional boxers, that's what we do, that's who we are, but we haven't been able to further our own boxing careers because of Hulk's. The club is ever so demanding and we love it but we also realize our need to fulfil our own personal goals and aspirations. As many people know, Snickers is very eager to start Phase Two of Hulk's but in order to do so he has to learn ALL the jobs it takes to currently run the Hulk's we presently have as suppose to just coaching the boxing and having me handle the rest. I know all the jobs that go into Hulk's and it's consuming of all my energy so fitting in my training and having the energy to do so is often overwhelming. I just don't have the energy to juggle all my jobs here plus my boxing career as a pro boxer. One of them has to give. This year my job as a full time coach, crossfit trainer, manager, co-owner, book-keeper, accountant, juice bar cook, and event coordinator is taking a back seat as my job as a pro boxer gets priority as does me as a person.
Plan and simple, I've maxed out my potential in Korea with my boxing and my position as a business owner, but I want more. Korea can't and won't give me the more I want and the more I need. I had a fight last October in which I fought someone MUCH bigger than me -- the proof is in the fact that no weight was recorded for that fight. I knocked her down three times and then knocked her out with the third time. I knocked her out and came home a winner but I really was the loser in that situation because I have since been waiting 9 months for another fight. That was my big come back fight and I came back loud and proud but it's been so incredibly embarrassing to acknowledge the fact that KBC doesn't know what the hell to do with me. I'm a Canadian boxer living and fighting out of Korea but I'm not Korean so they don't know whether to pride me as one of their own or continue to ostracise me as a foreigner, hence why they just do nothing with me.
Moreover I want more for myself outside of being a boxer and coach because I honestly do lack any identity in Korea beyond being labelled Pro Boxer Amy and Coach Amy. I absolutely love, love, LOVE those acquired labels but I want to add additional labels. I often feel like a pair of boxing gloves here in the club. The gloves get beaten during the day and then they get put on the shelf when the club closes. They then sit there and wait for club hours the next day to start so that they can come off the shelf and have some kind of purpose. I am a pair of gloves, I live for my job but I know I can do so much more and be so much more. I want to do volunteer work, go to a church I feel a deep down in my soul connection to, I want to meet up with my close friends whom I love and adore, I want to celebrate holidays with family,... I want to feel like I can be more, do more, and am encouraged to explore this feeling. I just don't have that feeling in Korea. I feel like life has become comfortable, predictable and stable. And while that is great for so many people it's not for me. I want to be uncomfortable, I want to be challenged. I want and now I realize I seriously need that. Canada is a challenge for me that I'm taking on, I know. I know it will test me to my core but to question it's relevance to my marriage, the club and my job as coach is really irrelevant in my eyes because it's not about any of that. This year is for me, about me, and all me.
5 comments:
Amy,
I have to admit, I had the same questions Mrs. Kim asked.
But, after reading this post all I have to say is GO GIRL!! You are absolutely right. You deserve a year to yourself, at the least!
I hope you accomplish all of your goals in Canada in the coming year.
But, can I ask why you are not living with your dad? You wouldn't have to pay rent and can save a little money. Is it bc he lives too far from your boxing club? Just wondering.
Anyways, best of luck, you can do it!
I look forward to your Canada adventure posts!!
From,
A long time reader of your blog.
Hey you do what you got to do for you and if other don't understand then that is THEIR problem. They have their life and their life choices, this is your life and this is your life choice. Respect!
Awesome energy. Sometimes it's frowned upon when we decide to take care of ourselves. It's great that you're doing exactly that. It will be a transformational year full of lots of growth.
No marriage is going to survive a year apart. You can't compare yourself to people in the military, who are going away for a greater purpose (protect their country and/or freedom). You're going away for yourself, which is fine if that's what you want to do, but there's no comparison.
It's also fine that your marriage is not that important to you. But maybe you should admit to that. When you are deeply in love with somebody "us" comes before 'me." If you don't get that, well, then marriage is probably not for you. Your marriage has always come across as weird, anyway. Or maybe it's your relationship with men in general. I have my theory as to why that's the way it is, but in the end, it's your choice.
Do I think your marriage will survive a year apart? No way. But I also don't think it matters that much to either of you so maybe it's for the best. You have this idea of yourself as a big boxer, so maybe it's time you pursue that and see where it takes or doesn't. And maybe discover other things about yourself you might be burying for the wrong reasons.
Here's a nice article for Anonymous #3 --> http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/space-in-a-relationship/
To hell what they think.
Will your marriage last Amy? I personally don't know but then again I really don't know the nitty gritty details of your marriage. What I do know though is that you two can't possibly be more in each other's business and face. You work together, train together, train one another, play together, and then are expected to keep things fresh and lively?! Um, how?! I agree with you in that you both wear way too many labels in each others lives.
I think space for most couples wouldn't work but you're obviously not the average couple.
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