Only 5 days into the new year and I haven't yet decided upon my new year resolutions but am struggling on digesting all I have to do this year.
This is going to be a big year for me.
It's going to be all about revealing what really went down last year, laying that as my foundation, and building upon that for this year's big changes and challenges.
I was in a bit of a funk today and so I held off on going training till much later in the evening. The way I look at training is you're either there 100% -- mind, body and spirit -- or don't go. No point in putting in the time if you're not going to put in the effort. They say "the only bad workout is a workout that didn't happen" but I argue they're wrong. Sometimes you need to take a break from training if not to let your body recover but also for a mental break, to get your head back into the game.
Tonight I felt I needed a mental break from training, it's hard to always keep it fresh and intense, but then I decided to train late. I was banking on the notion that I'd run into a particular someone at training if I went late, well him and some of the bigger guys I know who also give me a good mental pump.
Ran into exactly the person I wanted and needed to see -- Mr. T. He saw me from the top floor and then came down to say hi. Found out tonight that he's actually a church minister, I didn't know that. I knew he went around speaking to high schools and visiting the jail as a motivational speaker but I didn't know it was also as a minister. I think he's just fantastic. He is definitely one of those people that no one can say anything bad about. I'd joke here and say maybe his neighboring ecliptor riders at the gym may complain about his singing but I highly doubt it. There is something definitely amusing and inspiring about a full grown man kicking his own butt at training and loving it. Mr. T is just such a positive person and I enjoy our chats together.
I've had a lot weighing on my mind lately, nowadays more than ever, and as soon as he saw me he could read this off of my body language and face.
"Something is not okay with you," he said "what's up?!"
It was such a simple question but I could have gone on for hours about "what's up" and what's not okay. A lot is not okay. I'm struggling to fit back into the country I'm from and torn between missing Korea, everything and everyone that's there, and loving Canada. I've been here 5 months now and things haven't really been getting easier. I've just found more creative ways to adjust myself. I feel like I'm not so much as getting through the obstacles I have here but am finding ways around them which means I'm really not addressing them or getting over them.
For awhile there I was big into clubbing. It was my way of distracting myself and disconnecting from the things on my mind and from being a professional athlete. I'd go there with my friends and just dance the night away. It wasn't a lot of clubs I went to but instead just one -- Everleigh. Many of my friends who train at System work there and so I know it's a sure by-pass from the line and cover, and I'm safe.
With the exception of last week with Kick Kat, I haven't been to a club in 2 months.
I'm surrounded with a good crew here and there are 5 people in my life here that I talk to almost on a daily bases so I know I'm supported. However sometimes I stop myself from reaching out to them for help because I don't think they'll understand. To tell you the truth, I feel like I was just released from prison and have been thrown into this new life. It is as exciting as it is challenging and scary and there are moments when I find myself asking myself "what am I doing here?" Today I experienced one of those moments but when Mr.T asked me what's up I didn't go into details. I just told him I just exhausted from training and trying to readjust to life here in the Great White North.
No comments:
Post a Comment