On this day 11 years ago I arrived in Korea, bright-eyed and full of wonder. Man, did my time in Korea really change that. Now I'm here in Canada, never to return to Korea to live. I might return to get my stuff but a simple get-in, get-out trip would be the extent of it.
I had posted on my Facebook the following status update:
Today would have marked the end of 11yrs and the start of my 12th year in Korea. Instead, I now live in Canada...the key word here being "live", as in I am present, am alive. Am me.
Feeling like I almost didn't dodge that bullet.
My status update was liked and commented on by many but I also received a lot of private inbox messages regarding it. Those who private messaged me asked for gritty details because they all thought I was happy in Korea. And I was happy, correction, I had happy moments but I wasn't happy. I felt like half a person there, always on show.
People are so incredibly ignorant to what really went down in Korea, wow, and I can't really blame them though because I was a master at keeping my sh!# quiet. Tell someone you're a professional boxer and suddenly no one questions random bruises and scratches you have. They just assume it's from your sport. I supposedly got injuries from sparring matches that no one can even vouch for. How come no one ever picked up on this large yellow flag?! There's a lot you can hide when you wear a smile.
I once told Snickers that one day I was going to leave him and when I did I was going to write a book about him. Ironically enough an author beat me to it and a book deal is in the process. I wasn't sure as to how I'd have him end the book, which "version" I could let him write, but now that I've decided I'm never going back to Korea and am leaving Snickers for good, I'm pretty sure that the book will end as it is in reality. There is no more covering the truth, beating around the bush or hiding the fact that my relationship with him went from good to bad to down right ugly.
I'll forever sleep facing the door, never turning my back to it, because of him. And I'll forever have that faint scar on my forehead because of him. I may never get married again because of him too because I don't know how I could have been so wrong about someone and how we even went from where we once were to here. I'll forever do a lot of things differently and think differently because of him. He has left a footprint on my life like non other and I struggle on a daily bases with trying not to focus on that one footprint when there have been so many other wonderful, deserving and beautiful footprints left in my life by so many other fabulous people. I've got Coach Brown that asks me everyday how I'm doing, Mr.T at System who approaches my friends and asks for updates on how I'm doing on a regular bases, friends who text me all the time, family who are simply a drive away, and a church full of people who hug me whenever they see me. There's even a crew at the local McDonalds that shouts my boxing name and gives me a thumbs up every single Monday because they know I'm coming from the boxing club and I don't even really know them. Life is really good, I've got a lot of solid, positive people in my life now but everyday it seems like a struggle to ignore Korea. It's a struggle to realize I'm not in Korea any more. The burdens I wore in that country are no longer on my shoulders but they still hold me down. It's a struggle to live in the now as opposed to the past -- Canada vs Korea.
How can I forgive Korea for what it did to me when I can't forget?! This is my struggle.
9 comments:
The thing is, when you were in Korea and with Snickers, you made it sound like he was the most awesome guy in the world. He was amazing, you were so perfect for each other, he made you so proud. I'm not saying you should have shared the details of your marriage with the world, but you could have found another way to deal with it. You simply lied about it. Painted a picture that was so far from reality, it's very hard to be sympathetic about it now. You didn't simply protect your privacy; you misled everybody.
There's also really no excuse for abandoning your dogs in Korea. I've moved my dogs from one continent to another not once but TWICE. I'm a "normal" person with a normal job, but they are my babies, so I made it happen.
Why lie for so long? You could've just said that your marriage wasn't working. Everybody knew it was over when you left Korea like you did. Nobody takes a one-year sabbatical from their partner for no good reason.
That's what I said when Amy first left. Obviously it is not cool that her husband was beating her, but how long did it go on? Did it start that night you posted about being out all night and the police were looking for you? Why would you go back to him? I don't understand how women can do this. If you lived in fear of him attacking you, which is what it sounded like when you posted about sleeping facing the bedroom door, why wouldn't you put an end to it? Even on your third anniversary you were posting about how much you loved him and how you thought he was the best choice you'd ever made in your life. When did you realize that wasn't true?
These people commenting are awful. I don't know you, but have stumbled upon your blog and have been reading it for almost a year. There is something seriously wrong with our society when, in 2016, we are still victim blaming. How dare these people question why you have kept such a scary, private matter from the awful, judgemental world of the Internet?!? Or why you "stayed" with this man?!? You, nor any other woman deserves to be treated like you have and I hope one day you find peace and trust. You are a beautiful, strong woman and while I don't count on you reading this comment (because I know I wouldn't be reading what the majority of your judging commenters usually post), I hope you know that there will always be people on your side, whether they are friends or not. Keep being you. I strive to one day have the energy and positivity that you portray in your posts.
Dear Mrs. Kim & Anonymous & Anonymous,
Shame on you for your pathetic comments!
When will our society learn not to blame the abused and not the abuser.
First of all, why would Amy post about her abuse on her blog, so her husband or his family member or one of his friends or gym member could see it? Makes no sense at all. Also, you can love your spouse when he has good moments, can you not? I don't know. I have never been in an abusive relationship, but I know you don't blame the person who is being hurt.
Amy doesn't owe us readers anything. She is generously sharing snippets of her life with us and that should be enough. Get over yourselves and try to be sympathetic.
I can understand being shocked and worried for Amy, as I was. Why would you take the effort to question her and point a finger? Pretty pathetic.....
Amy, I'm so glad you are out of that unhealthy relationship. I'm so sad you lost your boxing club to him. Be strong and of courage you are a survivor, good for you!!
Take care and may many more blessings come your way! You deserve much happiness, love and success.
Your Korean Canadian Reader.
I am so happy for you that you are FREE now. That new energy you feel, the lightness, the sense of peace, the happiness and the courage - it's because you are getting used to freedom. You made a decisive act to leave, to care deeply about yourself, and no one has the right to judge you for the struggle that led you here. I have been there too, and the last thing you need is other people judging (I did that enough to myself). I didn't think I'd ever meet some one who I could really trust, and it took some (a long) time but I now have my partner/best friend/sweetheart in my life. I was picky and super careful but I did keep that corner of my heart open for the possibility - because I knew I deserved it, like you. Thank you for your brave posts Amy.
Amy I'm sorry you had to go through that. I was in a similar situation years ago and it took me a long time to feel safe again. Don't listen to people who put blame on you for staying. Unless a person has been in that situation they don't know how they'd react. Be strong and know you are a survivor. ~Wanda
Nobody is shaming her. Nobody is saying she should've posted about the abuse. We're saying she shouldn't have lied. She could have said: I'm having some issues, or I'm going to Canada because things are complicated right now and we need some time apart. She could have said many things except go on and on about how great Snickers was and how her marriage was going to survive the distance and all that.
Nobody is "victim blaming." We're saying she mislead her readers by painting a completely false picture when she could have been honest and just said "Things are hard, I need some time away." She didn't have to go into any more details. But she chose to lie instead. It's her blog, of course, and she has a right to lie. But we also have a right to call her on it.
I've been following your blog on and off for some years and I'm really sorry about what happened in Korea. What you achieved in Korea (building a boxing gym and competing as a professional boxer) is incredible. I hope things go well for you back home in Toronto.
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