You know when you reach the point where you're just done, well, I reached that point today. It happened in round 8 of this morning's sparring and I still had 4 more rounds to go. The eigtht round finished and I went to my corner, faced the wall and refused to turn around because tears instantly filled my eyes. I stood there saying my safety word over and over again in my head -- a word that has since changed from "mango" to a word I can not publicaly reveal because, well, it's like me being sponsored by Adidas and saying I love Nike. I I don't like Nike, let's just make this clear, but I hope you get my point. This word would raise a yellow flag to many.
Coach Brown had said something to me in the eightht round and it wasn't anything offensive or out of the norm but it definitely triggered something in my head and in my heart. Queen Spar was stuck in my clinch, hitting my left side with some mean body shots when Coach Brown yelled out to me. And just like that I snapped. I wrapped my arm around her so to pin her against me. I let her go shot after shot on my body while I stood there, took it and glared back at Coach Brown.
"Work her body, like we did in training", he had yelled.
At first I honestly didn't know if it was directed towards me or her because he often gives my sparring opponents a lot of corner coaching as opposed to me. I took it though that his comment was for me but what training?! I haven't done padwork with him for almost two weeks. We did a bit last week but nothing this week. As far as I am concerned, padwork is like the teaching of the lesson and sparring is the worksheet of it, the application part of what you learned. Without the padwork, what new have I brought to sparring beyond that which I have picked up on my own via my own private training on the heavy bags at System, watching various YouTube videos and whatever tips Queen Spar has thrown my way at sparring and Fight Club?! Exactly.
I composed myself enough to get through the remaining four rounds but I'll admit that mentally I had turned off. I was mentally spent.
Our early morning sparring session ended with me simply going home -- no breakfast with Coach Brown and no sticking around the club to talk about what had just happened. I think everyone could tell something had gone down in my head because I took it out in the ring and wasn't on par. I was violent. It took me a solid 25 minutes to walk home when it usually takes me only about 10. I punched a tree in my frustration and had even cried.
I usually crash after sparring, get in a good 2-3 hour nap, then go to Fight Club and end the evening off with weight training but today I skipped the nap and did weight training before Fight Club. I worked on chest, triceps and shoulders at System but while laying on the bench doing chest press I could feel more of a strain on my head as opposed to my chest. Every time I lowered the dumbbells close to my chest it felt as in my head was in a vice and the vice was being turned with each time. No decline or incline chest presses today, my head seriously couldn't handle it.
At Fight Club two of us were clearly beaten up by this week's sparring. I sported marks on my forehead and nose from today's sparring and one of my opponents on Wednesday asked me to go light on her because she still felt the pains of Wednesday's sparring. I definitely was feeling the pains from this week, especially this morning's sparring! I talked to Queen Spar and asked her if she too was feeling the effects of this week's sparring. She answered by saying that she doesn't know how I spar in the morning, do Fight Club in the evening and then find the energy and strength to do weight training. "I think it's one part crazy another part passion -- I love it", I told her.
I left Fight Club convinced that I was done. Done with killing my body like this -- overdosing on sparring -- on a weekly bases for nothing more than the hope that I pick something up from it, learn something and grow. I need the padwork. Definitely have to find myself some padwork if it's not going to be given to me at my club. And if it's not going to be given at my club, well, then that's a whole other set of issues right there.
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