Today I was up to my ears in stress, working on my company website. I was pressed for time and wanted to launch it at the start of the day but by midday I was still working on it. I had phone calls to make, emails to respond to, and this website to fix up and get published.
But none of that mattered to me at 9:45pm.
I went to System today and sat down with both managers to discuss the club sponsoring me. They've sponsored me for a year now and I wanted to talk to them about possible extending it.
But that didn't matter either at 9:45pm.
At 9:45pm I found myself standing at the side of a highway with the driver driving away.
That was the only thing that mattered and that continued to be the only thing that mattered to me long after it happened and well into the early hours as I struggled to forget about it and sleep it off.
I had been told that I "exhausted" someone. Me talking to him had exhausted him. It was a first I've ever heard such an insult and being ditched at the side of the highway was another first but I guess there's a first for everything. There really isn't much to say leading up to being kicked out of his truck. I had showed up at the subway station for him to pick me up and I was super excited. I had spent the entire day by myself, slaving away at the website but had finished it. I was super hyper from having just come from training and from receiving the wicked news that System had given me. I was in such a great mood and he killed it. He absolutely killed my natural high along with other things he clearly can't even imagine nor does he care about.
I don't know how I could have been so wrong about someone.
I feel like a complete idiot for having brought the Captain to meet him yesterday, for thinking he was someone of value in my life. I never introduce dudes to my friends. I introduced an ex of mine to some friends but that was only after we had dated for months. I thought this guy was different though. Perhaps I think every guy is going to be that "different guy". They never are though.
So there I was, cars passing by me and me having absolutely no idea where I was.
Then my phone buzzed. I got a text message.
I thought for sure it'd be the one that just left me. It wasn't. Instead it was someone I had just met the day before, the irony of it Captain Bowtie can totally testify for. He asked me what I was doing so I asked him to help me out. I walked off the highway to a major intersection. I then texted him the major intersection and asked him how to get to the subway. He asked me why I was where I was and I told him it was a long story, I just needed to know how to get to the subway. "Stay there", he told me when I answered his call. "I'm coming to get you".
There was a hesitation in accepting his offer; I thought for sure the guy who had left me would come back. I was sure he'd for sure call or at least text me to see if I was okay. He never did, not while I was there standing lost and not even later on tonight. He left me roadside like roadkill.
The only place nereby that was open was an Esso gas station so I put my gym bag down and sat on the little interlock wall there after I used their bathroom to wash my face. A young guy working the Tim Horton's coffee shop inside the gas station had heard me talking on the phone to the guy who insisted I let him pick me up and he came out to see if I was okay. I wasn't okay. I had "exhausted" someone, he had just ditched me on the side of the road, and some guy I didn't even know beyond a short conversation was coming to pick me up. The young worker was sweet though. He came out with a small coffee for me, a gift to cheer me up, and added "No man who leaves a woman like this is a real man!" I appreciated his attempt to cheer me up and it made me giggle. He couldn't have been any older than 17 but what he said sounded so mature. I'm 35 and how come I haven't figured out what this young kid has?! Damn.
I sat there at the side of the gas station, sipping on my free coffee and texting a friend. I had texted the Captain. He was shocked at what had happened and offered to pick me up but I felt so completely embarassed. I was embarrassed at having been so wrong about someone. That Tim Horton's kid was right. This was wrong.
Maybe I'm a bad person, maybe that's why this happened to me.
Sometimes I think I'm a bad person because I'm so wrapped up in what I'm doing -- boxing and business, that's what I'm all about these days. I know I'm somewhat self-centered. I know this. Korea made me this. I don't say that to pass the blame or to justify it but to acknowledge it and to accept that this is how I am now. I just spent the last how many years wrapped around Snickers and my boxing club and had lost myself in it all. No one was there to help me when shit hit the fan with Snickers. I had to pick myself up and I picked myself up every bloody day, it was absolutely exhausting. But now I'm in Canada. I'm minus Snickers and minus Hulk's. Now I finally get to focus solely on me but I feel like I'm going at full speed doing so, trying to make up for lost time in Korea. Maybe I'm a bad person because of this but I don't think I deserved to be left on the side of the road, so disregarded.
My ride then showed up and as he turned the car around in the lot all I could do was stand there and shake my head. I couldn't believe this had seriously happened to me.
"A sucker is born everyday" I blurted out, "and today that sucker was me."
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