Lost Loves... Wednesday, August 24

Five years ago I lost my mom.  My brothers lost their mom, my three little nieces lost their baba (grandma), and my father lost the love of his life.  Today we met up together -- my family, my oldest brother and his family, and me.  My father came to pick me up at my place here in Cabbagetown and we headed to the cemetery to meet up with my oldest brother, T-Rex, and his family.  My father asked if we remembered my mom telling him one last time that she loved him and how she had said it twice, to make sure he had heard him.  I didn't remember though.  I remember my father wrapping his arms around her coffin and thinking that I'll never ever in my entire life experience such a lost like my father just had.  He lost the love of his life, a woman whom he had created this amazing life with and whom he had loved unconditionally for about 50 years.  

I lost the love of my life in Korea, to Korea and to it's Korean culture -- Snickers.

I lost Snickers to my club.  My club became the love of my life and I loved it so much!!!

Today my nieces asked about Snickers and I had to swerve around their questions because I knew they wouldn't understand and it may upset them.  It felt like that time when I had a kitten that had to put down to sleep and my mom didn't want to tell me the nasty details on how it had actually died.  I just smiled and said that their uncle couldn't be here in Canada because he had to look after the club in Korea.  It was the truth, I didn't lie, but they are still holding on to the thought that one day they'll see him again.  They may never see him again.  I may never see him again.

I used to be proud of my parents for the love they had for each other and then when I got older I envied them for the strength of their love, how it had be tried, tested, and proven to be true.  I thought I had that with Snickers, perhaps I did but then I didn't. Now I know love ain't enough and to tell you the truth I'm not interested in love anymore.  It's like fire.  It looks pretty and is mesmorizing.  It can do so much for you like a fire can keep you warm and cook your food, but it also has the power to destroy everything.  It's so powerful, too powerful.  Play with fire you're going to get burnt.  Did that, done that, not doing that again.  No thank you!!!