Today I agreed to manage the gym for a few unscheduled hours.
Today I punched a dude.
Today I indulged in chocolate birthday.
Today I really “embraced the suck”.
As soon as I saw Korea calling me in the morning my energy levels went sublevel and my hopes and aspirations for a successful, jam-packed day just nose dived. Energy is contagious, both good and bad energy, and today I caught an extra whiff of bad energy and it sent everything spiralling.
I have to get to Korea.
I feel like I’m sitting on a fence, Korea is on one side and Canada is on the other, and no sooner do I lean to be fully on one side but the other side pulls on me and stops me. I need to pick a side; I need to get on a side, so that I can fully live my life.
People have no idea what it means for me to have lived in Korea for 11 years, establish a life there, get married and make my dream come true with starting up my own business, and then just get up and leave it. You can never fully leave it but I feel like I’ve made a decision about it, Korea just isn’t agreeing to my decision. Korea isn’t letting me go.
I have to get to Korea so that I can live my life.
It’s been over a year since I first touched down here in Toronto, Canada and every single day I struggle with moving forward and putting Korea in my past. Today’s phone conversation only restated this fact. The struggle is real. The struggle is most definitely real. And I know it’s real because the bad energy of that one phone conversation seeped into the rest of my day and I was totally off in everything I did.
I punched a man.
Perhaps I wouldn’t have done that if I had hadn’t that phone call and hadn’t been so eaten up inside over my struggle, I don’t know. He had come walking into my female-only gym and I told him he had to leave because it was a female-only facility. He thought it funny to pretend to be overly curious and try peeking over the small divider at the front. I repeated to him that he had to leave and when he didn’t leave I got up and physically tried to escort him out. He ended up elbowing me in the boob so I punched him in the shoulder as a means of letting him know I’m serious and I’ll get more serious if I have to. I then wrapped my arms around him, trapping his arms by his side, and jerked him towards the door. He then left.
My boss returned some time later and instantly I confessed to him, “I punched some dude so do I have to fill out an incident form because I will”. He told me I didn’t have to and then asked for the details of the situation. I got mad props from those training who saw the whole ordeal go down but I was still “embracing the suck” from the morning phone conversation so I wasn’t in the mood to “celebrate”.
“Embrace the suck”, I was told tonight, “but know that tomorrow you can’t. Tomorrow’s a new day”.