I posted that one picture of me sitting on the bed on Instagram today with the following caption:
There's always a moment of sadness that comes with every moment of success and happiness I have in the Philippines knowing that I can't share it with the one person I use to be the closest with because it makes him miss me more, it makes him sad -- my father.
Tomorrow Skittles' parents will be arriving in the Philippines and I'll be having dinner with them on Wednesday. They'll be staying here for two months and as happy as I want to be for Skittles and excited to see them, seeing them comes with the harsh reality that my parents will never do the same for me. I lived for 11.5yrs in Korea and they never once came to see it. I created my boxing club, Hulk's, after my mother passed and stayed there several more years but my father still didn't come to Korea. Now I live in the Philippines, have created my next company and am looking to launch the physical building soon, and I know my father will never come to see it.
I lost my mother several years ago but in losing my mom I feel like I've lost my dad too. He's stuck in this bubble, our home, where memories of my mom cloud his thoughts and stop him from living life in the present. He's stuck. He doesn't see it and he doesn't really understand or accept that the rest of us have moved on, continued to live life. I never cried at my mom's funeral because I didn't feel it right; I had to be strong for my dad. I knew he was devastated. He had just lost the love of his life. It wasn't until years later, when I visited my mom's grave by myself, before the rest of the family joined me, that I ever cried. Sometimes I feel like my dad has taken that right away from me, the right to mourn my mom. He lost his wife and I lost my mom, and I think in him becoming so consumed with continually walking down memory lane, talking about her and refusing to give up the house, he doesn't realize I've been pushed harder to be the strong one. Someone has to be the strong one and that's me.
I know me being in the Philippines is hard for my father, he doesn't understand it and he doesn't accept it. He doesn't understand why I'd want to live so far away from family but even when I lived in Toronto, Canada, the same country, I didn't really see family. They all drove and I was stuck to public transportation so it was a bastard to get out of the city to see them.
I always joke, "add that as one more story not to tell my dad", but now those stories of things that would worry or stress my dad now include happy stories. My happy stories are sad stories to him, they're stories that only reinforce the fact that I'm happy here and here's where I want to be. They're stories that remind him this is my new home now.
Today my Supreme Diet meals from Yummy Diet arrived, add that as one more story not to tell my dad. He no longer tries to be happy for me, he's just uninterested. I was so excited after my meeting on Friday with Yummy Diet and wanted to tell everyone but I had decided to hold off until I could post a picture of it on Monday. And so I shared my news with my friends today and then when I met up with them they congratulated me. They were so happy for me and it was great because months ago one of them there today had predicted this to come true. He had faith in me from the start and knew it was only time before people and companies took notice of me and wanted to sponsor me. I'm currently sponsored by three companies here in the Philippines with a fourth company working on a brand ambassador proposal for me. But I can't tell my dad this.
No comments:
Post a Comment