As the story has it, one day I headed to the opposite side of the globe – the Flipside. I arrived in Korea on February 16th, 2005 and thought I’d do a year, then leave. I went from being some random foreign girl to taking on labels I never imagined – university professor, film extra, professional boxer, reality TV star, CEO of my own girls-only fitness company (Flipside Fitness), CEO of my own boxing club (Hulk's Club, formerly known as Hulk's Boxing), and now I'm launching my 3rd business -- Empowered Clubhouse.

After 11.5yrs in Korea, I then picked up one day and returned to Toronto, Canada. But then I left again. This time it was for the Philippines. That's where I am now, living in the land of the happy people. The struggles are real and the struggles are many but I'm living life on my terms, I'm calling the shots, and I'm doing what I love. Life is an amazing adventure and this is my story of yesterday.

Friday, March 09, 2018

I've Got Blue Balls... Friday, March 9

I had another meeting today with a potential investor and with every investor I talk to, the more I leave the meeting feeling a little more and more defeated and frustrated.  It's not that the meetings go bad, they go the opposite actually, but it's almost like it's another punch to the chest, reminding me that if only I fought for my half of Hulk's.  If only I went the legal route and made them pay me out, then I wouldn't have to be depending on investor's to fund my idea.  I wouldn't be waiting for them to decide.  I feel like I'm waiting for them to decide on the fate of not only my business but me.  

My business is good, it's an awesome idea.  I know that and I know they know that.  But this waiting for responses and decisions is almost painful.  I don't want them to feel rushed but I also don't want them to be so relaxed with it.  

I'm grateful, I'm blessed, but I'm also frustrated.  I want this to be happening already. 

I really need to be more assertive with how I'm approaching this -- blunt and straight to the point.  

I'm inpatient and I also don't like depending on others.  I've proven this countless times and in various ways.  With doing all the work myself and then even parting ways with my business partner, I live very much in the now and want things to be done now.

In Canada, things are done tomorrow.  
In the Philippines, things are done in awhile. 
In Korea, things are done yesterday.

I am still very much living with a Korean mentality.  Eleven and a half years of living there.

I'm working with another realtor today, well trying to.  He's emailed me all these pictures of a space that he doesn't even know the measurements of, the terms, or even so much as the price.

[Enter me rolling my eyes here and asking "why?!"]

I like the space MegaWorld has offered to me but in waiting on investors to make a decision, my fear is now that I'll lose that space.  MegaWorld keeps on following up on their offer.  How ironic.  The one person I want to be on Filipino time with their job is the one person that is totally in sync with my Korean state of mind.  Damn.

I don't believe in regrets, everything is a lesson, but if I ever were to have a regret it'd be with not fighting for what was mine with my previous business (Hulk's). My half of it alone would have easily paid for my business here. Things would be so different; it'd be started by now.

Why didn't I fight for my half of Hulk's?!  That's not an easy question to answer.

The main reason why I didn't fight for Hulk's is because what Hulk's was to me and what it is to those who have attached themselves to it, my Hulkies and Mini Hulkies.  I knew Snickers would never be able to pay me out; he'd close the doors to do so.  Hulk's was my dream, not his, so I know he wouldn't have fought for it.  He would have let it die.  I fought for Hulk's but for him to continue it.  People don't know this but it's true.  About a year ago he offered it 100% to me but the condition was I'd have to return.  I'd return, take it over, own it 100%, and he'd leave.  I didn't want to return though, I couldn't return.  I had stayed there too long and I knew if I went back I'd get totally lost.  I'd die there.

Hulk's was my baby.  I loved that place so much.  I was okay leaving Korea and I was okay leaving my marriage, giving it all up, but the one thing that held me back for about a year was coming to terms with leaving Hulk's, wrapping my head around the fact that I had created my dream-come-true and would have to give it up to save myself. 

This all weighed heavy on me today and I cried over it as I walked home from boxing.

I should be walking home from MY OWN boxing club, my Empowered Clubhouse, not from someone else's place.  I think of that every day I train just like I think about what I'd be doing if Empowered was up and running.  As I walked home, up ahead of me, to my left, was the Telus building where I'm trying to launch Empowered.  I walked so fixated on it, so much so that I actually walked right off the curb and almost into a parked jeepney... a jeepney!!!  A jeepney isn't definitely not a small vehicle, it's a 10+ SEATER TRUCK!!! But I was just so focused on that building and my frustrations had me so completely distracted.  I was like a horse with blinders on.

The struggles are real, as real as the frustrations at this point.

I have the equivalency of blue balls for an entrepreneur.... shiiiiiit.

No comments: