I'll Clap for Myself, that's Fine... Saturday, February 10

There are only two times within the entire year that I absolutely cringe, roll my eyes, take a deep breath, and grit my teeth at – Lunar New Year and Chusok (Korean Thanksgiving).  These are the two times of the year that it’s expected we spend with family out in the countryside – Granny Kim’s house.

And it’s not that I don’t like my in-laws, that’s not it.  Actually I do favor my father-in-law’s side the side we spend the holiday with, but the problem lies in the fact that we have to sleep there so I have to deal with an overload of out-of-date stereotypical gender roles and babies.  Thankfully the youngings of the family are getting older and are out of their cry-24-7 stage, but I think one of Snickers’ cousins is thinking of popping out another so then the vicious cycle will start again.  Snickers’ two sisters who both have newborns go to their husband’s family for the holidays, a typical Korean thing to do, but this means that I don’t have them to hang out with here.  So the women count is going down but the amount of cooking and cleaning remains.  The amount of men not helping out remains the same too – a big fat zero. 

I think this is what spoils the holidays for me here in Korea because I really do wish I could enjoy them but when I have someone telling me to do this or do that just because I’m a woman, I’m not cool with that.  Snickers definitely knows this bothers me, he was quick to learn this too.

I remember once when he brought me to his mother’s house.  He yelled out to his sister, who was sleeping in the other room, and told her he wanted to have coffee.  “Don’t do that!” I told him but his sister interrupted me and said, “It’s ok”.  “It’s not ok though”, I told her.  Then I looked at Snickers and said, “You have two legs and unless you want them to be broken, I suggest you get up and make your own coffee… and make us all coffee!” “But I don’t want coffee” his sister said. “Oh, just take the coffee!” I responded with. 

K-Gere (Snickers’ father) has a new girlfriend now and surprisingly enough she was there for the family situation and what should she be doing but cooking and cleaning like the rest of the woman while all the men sat around.  Walking through that front door feels like walking back in time.  This would never fly by in my parents’ house, yikes. 

It’s a strange feeling, definitely.  Wanting to be accepted by family but not wanting to give up what you believe in.  I always feel like I have to suck up my pride and push aside what I believe in whenever we have these family celebrations.  I’m not this huge feminist but after all that woman have fought for and, more importantly, all that I’ve fought to be and am proud of being, it seems to just go out the window, like it doesn't matter.  In my parents' house, household chores are shared and my mother would never let my brother get away with ordering me around, let alone let him get away with yelling at me while I'm sleeping.    

Snickers uncle told me it’s “my job” to cook because I'm a woman so I took it upon myself to correct him.  “No, it’s my job to punch people”.  Granny Kim caught my joke and laughed.  Surprisingly enough, Granny Kim is not the typical older Korean woman and that's why she's a favorite in my books, plus she always asks me about my boxing.  I joked with her today, telling her that when I open up my boxing club I’m going to make her my “Juice Bar Mama”.  “Oh ya, I’ve got a huge long counter for you.  You’re going to make protein smoothies for all the boxers and they’re going to love you!” I told her. She smiled, nodded her head, giggled, and then she turned to Snickers and asked “Ok... but what’s a protein smoothie?”… hahaha. 

When Snickers and I tried to make formal announcement about us starting our own boxing club, we were interrupted by one of the little girls and with that everyone forgot all about what we had just said.  A 5yr old and her “I can write mountain” comment had robbed us of the spotlight and it was never returned.  Instead, she received a room full of claps, hugs and even a thumbs up. 

It was hard to recover from that; it felt like a sour liver shot and I sat there stunned.  After a couple of hours of clearly not being able to bounce back from what now felt like my heart bruising, I turned to Snickers and said “I just want to go home”.  He had tried his best to distract me from that earlier sour moment by pulling an impromptu business meeting on the floor of Granny’s Kim bedroom but I didn’t want to be there, so we left.  I wasn’t expecting clapping or hugs, or even a thumbs up, but I thought they’d surely be happy and proud of us. I don’t need their claps, that’s fine.  I’ve got two hands so if needs be I’ll clap for myself, thanks.