That moment when a familiar face walks in and asks if you need a hug but you know if you accept the hug you'll possibly cry again... yup, that's what happened today. I took the hug, despite the threat it may bring upon more tears.
It was a very heated training session for me today and a particular Hulkie walked in right when it had ended. My eyes were all teary-eyed and the look of frustration and disappointment were written all over my face. Snickers had given me me grief over sleeping in and missing my morning run so now I'll have to run on Wednesday to make up for today, and then he trained me hard today.
I think perhaps today's training was exceptionally intense because of last night's late night phone call and today's follow-up phone call that happened during my training. My Busan boxing champ buddy phoned to ask me what weight I want to fight at. I told him 50kgs. I'm currently 54.4kgs and my previous fights were set for 47-49kgs but I've since become friends with the fierce Korean female fighters who hold the championship title belts for such weights. It's not that I don't want to fight them, I'd be honored, but it's a respect thing. That's their title.
Time is counting down and consequently the pressure has been building. I can deal with the pressure I put on myself but I still continually struggle with the different titles Snickers wears in my life. Some days I wish I could just fire him, fire him from being my coach and leave. But he's my husband and this is our club. I can't exactly go and train with another coach at another club. Korea's boxing community may not be competitive like most would expect it to be but I know me being a foreign female pro boxer has a particular weight to it. Moreover, the plan is to step back in the ring, go against all odds and against all the preconceived thoughts of KBC and those in the boxing community, and just rock my fight. I'm going for a knock out -- second round knock out -- and I've got my game plan in my head.
I still struggle with unlearning the bad habits Junior Mint so easily let me pick up and foster, and I think it's these bad habits that set me back the most with learning what Snickers wants me to learn. I'm not an inexperienced boxer. I'm not stepping into Hulk's as a fresh new boxer with no prior experience or expectations. I'm here at Hulk's as an experienced boxer with some very ingrain bad habits. My bad habits aren't crazy big ones, like it's not as if I don't know my punches or can't keep guard. Instead my bad habits include things like my wide stance and the fact I don't utilize more of my body weight when punching.
I'm trying, I'm really trying, but sometimes I don't think he knows that or sees this.
"You can't lose Amy", was what he told me later, after I had calmed down, and I know he's right. I can't lose, there is no more taking a loss and hoping for next time. I really have only one shot and Snickers wants to be 100% confident in me before he sends me into the ring. Pressure is definitely on. I feel it every single day.
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