I'll admit it, I was a bit hurt seeing all the Facebook updates of pictures and status updates of Thanksgiving parties I didn't get invited to. I threw a Thanksgiving party and pretty much invited everyone and anyone in Cheonan but I didn't get invited to one Thanksgiving party. I am still very much a foreigner to the foreigners and now I feel like I'm trying too hard to be accepted among them, anticipating them to invite me to things.
When the Cheonan Times wrote about Hulk's, it was greeted by immature and silly comments from foreigners I didn't know but it was also greeted by silence by people I do. It's never been what people have said that's hurt me but what they don't say. I really thought more people would have had a backbone to respond to the comments. People are perhaps weaker than I gave them credit as being.
I've come to the conclusion that the only thing in Korea that makes me kind of lonely are other foreigners.
"The truth is in the coffee", I always tell Snickers.
I used to tell Snickers that if someone is really my friend then they'd know simple things about me, like my last name, but Snickers thinks it's whether or not I'd agree to go to coffee with them. He's got a good point but I argue it's also whether or not they invite me to coffee.
I go out for coffee once a week with a specific foreign friend of mine. I've known her for about 5-6 years now. And despite our totally different busy schedules, we've always managed to make time for coffee with each other. In the past two months, maybe even longer, I've only gone out for coffee with one foreigner. In the past two days however, I've had two different Korean friends randomly show up with coffee for me. They know I can't exactly leave Hulk's, especially on Fridays when it's only me, so their kind gesture is definitely a sweet gesture of friendship.
"The truth is in the coffee" and the truth of the matter is I just don't really have coffee with any foreigner except one. So it shouldn't be a surprise that I didn't get invited or asked to tag along for any of what felt like a million-zillion Thanksgiving parties that went down this weekend.
Tonight I had to go Christmas decoration shopping so I decided to randomly invite a friend -- a foreigner friend. She wasn't really up to much or she so told me, and I wondered if perhaps many other foreigners I know weren't up to much either and maybe waiting on each other too. Maybe the city is full of us -- foreigners waiting for other foreigners to invite them out.
Anyways...
We headed off to Dream Depot together and it was while we were shopping that Snickers called to tell me one of our friends was coming by to pick me up. It was only 7pm and the plan was to meet up with him around 10pm but he was in the area and knew I'd be shopping. He picked us up, dropped us off downtown and then, after I scooted into a shop for some veggies, I ran into him again. By this time, he had picked up some other people. I had just turned the corner of my street when his car came racing towards me and one of the windows opened. Inside was Snickers and another one of our friends.
Off to Hulk's we went.
Ten minutes later and more showed up at Hulk's for what turned into a Christmas deco party. I turned on some Christmas carols and away we went -- setting up the Christmas tree, putting up the garland, and stringing the lights.
The drive home from Dream Depot changed my whole night, that one simple gesture of friendship. I totally wasn't expecting him to pick me up nor was I expecting him and other friends to help me decorate the club. Snickers is still nursing a very sore back so I was fully expecting to do it all myself. What a wicked turn of events though and it really left me feeling silly for letting myself get down in the dumps over the lack of Thanksgiving party invites.
I am a still very much a foreigner to the foreigners. I can't relate to them with things like work or missing home -- I don't teach English anymore, I've made Cheonan, South Korea my home and being married to a local man has brought on issues and situations that they simply can not relate to. I don't have the luxury of working at a place loaded with other foreigners so it's not an automatic that I'll even run into any. I work late hours when most are out and about socializing and my day off is usually spent either doing work or being totally MIA from the outside world.
I've got an amazing crew of Korean friends and tonight I felt rather embarrassed and almost ashamed that I had let others who really aren't my friends take my attention away from all the goodness my real ones have brought into my life. They say there are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you. And then there are others who will understand without you even speaking a word. This very much sums up how I feel about those here in Korea. I speak the same language as the foreigners here but we have totally different lives -- both parties don't really understand the other's. But my Korean friends, despite many of them not speaking a lick of English, I feel more of a connection with them. They've really redefined the word 'friendship' to be something much greater than other so-called friends have shown me. They've taught me that friendship is about putting the happiness and well-being of another as a priority. And tonight, when they heard that I was a bit sad, them throwing a spontaneous Christmas deco party to cheer me up and help me out was an instant reminder that I've got some really solid friends here.
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