I must admit, I definitely milk the "but tomorrow is my competition" excuse to get out of any and all errands or extra things and to justify why I go into super duper, ulta high lazy mode. I'm talking about using it to get out of having to even wash my hair and making Snickers get up and get me a glass of water lazy mode.
The day before any competition, whether that be a pro boxing bout or a running race, I go MIA and drown myself in image training. I finalize a concrete mental game plan.
Tomorrow's game plan was tight. I thought about it all day. I knew where I'd be positioning myself at the start line, how I was going to tackle those hills. I'd lean forward when going up and tuck in real tight then make up for the slower pace by racing down them. I knew my goal finish time and had calculated what pace I needed to keep, what was realistic and what was the ultimate. I had even looked up the paces of last year's participants. I knew what I was going to bring, going to wear, heck I even knew what playlist on 8tracks I was going to be running to.
And in dissecting and over analyzing my race day game plan, I refused to imagine one thing -- failing. There would be no next time to my "Next Time" because this was THE next time. Sponsors were all aware of me participating as I was aware of their expectations. Friends and family had messaged me encouragement as did many Hulk members and former teammates. Today my phone buzzed with messages from all of the above.
There was no imaging I would fail but there was a fear of it. To have hyped up something so much and to have set the expectations for yourself, brought on by yourself and by others, so high means the easier it is to note meet such expectations.
"It's only a 10km" run a friend messaged me. Only a 10km run?! Ya, you are right. You are totally right. It's ONLY 10km, such a short distance to prove I am worth the $65,000+ investment my sponsors have put forth and I have to do it with my main sponsor watching me -- running beside me the whole entire way. He's running the race just for me, a fact that changes everything. He's not even registered for it and the only point in him running it is just to push me. He's going to see how I deal with the pressure, the stress and the challenge for all 10 kilometers and the one hour drive leading up to it all. And on that note, I tried to distract myself by being consumed by what has gone from being supportive words to flat out weighed-down pressure by doing work.
Initially I was invited by Drama Wedding Hall to attend a baby's first year birthday party but I slapped down the "but tomorrow is my competition" card because of my ankle so Snickers went without me. In all honesty though, the excuse card really wasn't needed. The other day I twisted my ankle trying to dodge a snake out by Dankook lake so I have been having to nurse it.
So there I was, a Saturday night with a compression bandage on my ankle, home alone with the K-Bere Brothers and image training quickly turning into image drowning. Next thing I knew it, I was eagerly working away at personal training client files, editing a translated document, and making an order with some suppliers for needed items.
... I was working. Working on my day off.
No comments:
Post a Comment