After a day of sitting on the floor of a funeral home, having to talk over mourning sobs around me and avoiding catching glimpse of my broken aunt at all costs, it felt good to get back to Cheonan. Correction, it felt FABULOUSLY A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!
I was so extremely hyper and so happy to be back in Cheonan.
It was a long ride home and what usually would take us an hour took close to 2.5 hours because of the snow. Traveling home in the snow felt like the ultimate homecoming; it felt just too perfect. Just the other day I was complaining about the lack of snow and Mother Nature teasing me with the sudden downfall of snow and then it all melting the next day. Today we got a ton of snow and it'll surely be here for a couple of days at least. Welcome back winter running with real winter running conditions. I love it!
It didn't take me long to load up on my winter layers and head out for a run.
I try really hard not to associate myself with negative people and their negative vibes and drama. And though the Kim family isn't negative, the scene that played out today with us all having to sit at that funeral building was definitely draining. While we were all quite aware that Snickers' uncle suicide was just the last chapter in his lengthy book of life, it was all we could think of. Family members sobbed over his picture while a few refused to bow to it, his wife continued to cry like the flick of a switch, and one of the daughters seemed to add years to her face with each hour that passed. What was initially thought to be the elephant in the room (the actual suicide) turned into the only thing being talked about and I was told the details of it all.
I had to leave.
Shortly after midnight I packed on all my running layers and headed out for a run. I was so eager to get out and run in the snowy winter weather but it was so much more than that. I felt like I was able to breath again, like stepping out to go run was my first real breath of life all over again. I was miles away from the funeral home, away from all that crying, and I found myself standing in the middle of a downtown street just so incredibly happy. I couldn't really pin point what I was so happy about but all I knew was I was just so head-over-heels happy.
I ran all around town and not my usual running route around the Dankook lake. I blasted my Christmas carols on my cellphone instead of using my earphones and sung loudly as I ran. I'm sure many people seeing me must have thought I was crazy but I honestly didn't care. What the heck were they doing out roaming the streets after midnight in such weather anyways, exactly.
I had to go to Hulk's and change the coals so I headed over there. While on route, while out running smack dab in the middle of the street, the salting truck passed me. I yelled out "Merry Christmas!" to them and they stopped the truck to say the same to me.
Arriving to Hulk's I was greeted by a new street lamp the city has just recently, like yesterday, put up along our street. Yah to our street picking up and getting some government attention, sweet!!! Snickers had text messaged me right when I arrived at Hulk's so I told him to tune into the club security cameras. Pyen Chi and I gave him and whomever was watching with him a cute show -- the two of us jumping around and playing in the snow. Pyen Chi absolutely loves the snow and loves to eat it too. Letting her out of the club to play in it is just too adorable for words. Instantly, the snow turns my 45kgs girl into the biggest baby I've ever seen!
It felt incredible to be there with Pyen Chi and to shed some kind of happiness or get at least a smile out of those watching me on the camera from the funeral building. I felt terrible that they had stayed there but I didn't feel bad for leaving them. I had to leave, for my own sake and sanity. It's taken me a long time to get to the point in my life where I am 100% happy and I am just too much in love with my life to let someone who doesn't love theirs bring me down. Today it felt as if mine had been temporarily suffocated and it left me feeling so incredibly bitter towards my uncle for stopping our lives just because he had stopped his. How dare he make this choice for all of us. I only have one life -- WE only have one life -- and I sure as hell am not going rush it's last chapter or waste it's pages. Life is meant to be lived.
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