Burning Bridges for Better Things... Saturday, April 26

"Friend", it's a simple word that we all know and that we all have people who sport this particular label in our lives. I pride myself on having a good core group of friends that have their crap together or at least are strong enough to pull themselves through their issues and not throw pity parties as they get through it. My friends don't stir up drama, they keep it to the TV drama shows, and instead they live lives that they love and fight to make better. 

Today two 'friends' and I parted ways, agreed to disagree and never to talk again, and I was rather upset about it. OK, so I was perhaps more upset about it than just upset. I was down right ticked off, confused and saddened. But later in the evening, when I sat down to digest it all, I started to feel super silly for being so upset. I mean, how was my life really going to be different without them -- how had my life been different with them? And then it dawned on me, they weren't really friends at all and nothing is going to be different even though they're gone.  

I write this not as a means of revenge or even out of anger because I'm not upset anymore. Instead, I feel sorry for them and wonder my own status in the lives of those I honestly call my friends. Are their lives different because I'm in it -- do I have any kind of impact on them and is it for the better or the worse? 

I trained alongside WOW and Snickers tonight. WOW's son Kato came out to watch us train as did my good friend Stark. I can so clearly pick out a multitude of ways their lives have each impacted me, especially that of WOW and Snickers and particularly for the better, but I question my impact on their lives. Are they better off knowing me? Do I make them better people? We talked a bit about this over dinner and Snickers joked about today being the first day he's ever written a correct English sentence -- he always sticks to texting me in Korean. OK, so he knows English because of me but so do a whack of Korean kids. I vouched that that wasn't a good enough validation. Leave it to Snickers to repeat the one English sentence he had memorized and said when he proposed to me -- "You are the hero in my life". He then went on to tell me about the live he thought he'd live -- a typical cookie-cutter Korean boy's life -- and how it so greatly contrasted with the one he now lives. Never did he ever imagine he'd be marrying a Polish/Canadian girl who loves boxing as much as he does. "It was completely unimaginable so the thought never entered my mind". The feeling is surely mutual as is the hero part actually. 

Yesterday I was upset about what happened but today I am not. I'm so over thinking about these two particular girls and instead have turned the situation to question my own role in the lives of others, particularly my friends. I hope one day if I'm ever in this situation again that those I walk away fight for me to stay or at least feel my absence. 

Today I burned two bridges. My father always told me not to burn my bridges, that someday somehow maybe you'll need that somebody again. I argue that perhaps you need to burn bridges in order to light the way to better things. Sometimes you get the best light from burning a bridge and I think perhaps this is the case with today's situation.  Of course leave it to a good friend of mine that I talked to about this to throw his two cents in and say "don't ever regret burning a bridge, regret that you didn't burn that bridge with that deserving person on it". Ouch, how's that for a sarcastic end to tonight's deep thinking.. hahaha.  Sarcasm wins me over every time, thank you.

And on that note, life goes on.  It goes on just like it did yesterday and will tomorrow, minus their drama that is.