Push-up bras and high heels, oh the irony of how uncomfortable my days off have become. There used to be a time when this was my daily work attire but now it's sports bras and runners, Lycra and spandex.
I have a confession to make, I am most uncomfortable in anything that's not training clothes and by uncomfortable I mean somewhat insecure and lacking in confidence, seriously. I have absolutely no problem sporting a pair of Lycra/spandex pants that are so paper-thin they've earned the name "naked pants" but tell me I have to wear something that's not training wear and I'm totally out of my comfort zone. My runner's legs look toned and muscular in my training crop pants but they're suddenly "too thick" in most Korean-bought pants, especially jeans. You'll probably never see me in a pair of jeans because either the leg room is good but the waist is too big or the waist fits good but the leg room leaves my legs suffocating and my tush absolutely squished. Now that it's summer, the issue of my arms becomes more apparent. I'll never understand Korea's year round short-shorts but frowned eyebrows and disapproval of tank tops in the dead of summer. So either I can cover my shoulders with a t-shirt and risk underarm pools of sweat or wear a tank top and risk having random ajjumas grabbing my arms and giving me odd looks.
Tonight I went out for a coffee date with Snickers and it started with the much-predicted but much-dreaded session of me struggling with what to wear. This happens every time Snickers and I go out, when I don't have to wear athletic training wear.
I feel like a fish out of water, totally, like a child playing dress-up with their mother's clothes.
I love my body because it is strong and it can do many things that other bodies can't. I love it because it's taken on numerous opponents for numerous rounds, has taken me from the start to the finish line for several half marathons, and has me curling and squatting more than many of male members. But this is Korea.
This is Korea. Ten years now and every once in awhile I still struggle on this, on what this country has labelled as beautiful and feminine. I am not skinny nor do I want to be. Skinny has never been my goal, fit and fierce has. I tell myself that I don't care about Korea's ideals and whatnot, it can have it's skinny. I'll take my fit legs any day over those chopstick legs. They won't do me any good except say if I wanted to pick up my food with my legs and who the heck does that?! Exactly. Those legs won't get me through a marathon and those skinny arms won't get me through my rounds of boxing. I'm not here to fit Korea's norm, that was never the plan, but the plan was never to feel like I stick out like a sore thumb when I put on a girly short sleeve dress.
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