This time three years ago my mother got in the last laugh to pancreatic cancer and moved on to bigger and better things, like Heaven, meeting my dog Jo Mi Nam and being reunited with my Baba (Polish grandma). Snickers was away today, off scuba diving, but he had asked me if I wanted him to stay behind with him. Just spend the day together, the two of us. I insisted that he should leave and just leave me alone. I just wanted to be alone, to not only reflect on what this day meant to my family and me but also because I didn't know if I'd be emotionally sound enough to do anything but sleep.
It's a strange feeling, knowing that someone you love has been in your life for so many years and then they're not. My mother's death wasn't a sudden thing, it was rather dragged out and hard, but it still took us all a long time to emotionally and mentally accept the fact that she was gone. She will no longer be at my parents' house when I visit them in Canada. Now it will just be my father -- my father and his cat Samantha.
It's been three years and after the first year I was bombarded with friends' sympathy, empathy and attention. After the second year the effort and attention by friends decreased and I expected the same for this year. Three years have passed but it hasn't got any easier; it doesn't get easier. There is still very much the initial shock that she is no longer a phone call away and that I will no longer see her face. She's just gone. And though I'd like to believe in Heaven and Hell, I still don't understand why God would take such a Christian-to-the-core, honest to goodness lady. She was an example to us all. Now who is my example, my father? Sure but not a conversation with him goes by without him changing the direction of the conversation to that of my mother.
I was lying on the couch, totally in veg mode with just leggings and a sports bra on when all of a sudden my phone started ringing. I'm pretty bad for not answering my phone but when I didn't answer they then started text messaging me. My lack of response to their messages was followed through ten minutes later with loud banging on our front club doors. I couldn't ignore the loud banging, it was driving the doggies bonkers, so I went to go check it out. It was a handful of friends.
"Dude, don't just show up at my house!" I said.
"We called" one said.
"... ya, we called to make sure you have clothes on", another added.
"Well I don't have clothes on and I'm not going to put on clothes"
"Fine, your choice but we're here" a friend said as he pushed himself past me holding the front door.
My friends know me too well. They know me well enough to have seen me more than half naked on numerous times to really care anymore and they know me well enough to know that today would be rough for me. The three years part was totally irrelevant, that's the kind of person they know I am.
I love my friends here in Korea, I really do. Most of them still can't pronounce my last name let alone speak more than a handful of English words and they may not be able to really understand what it means to be a foreigner living here in their native country, but they sure try hard to show me they care. I think friendship is the biggest thing Korea has redefined for me. Become friends with a Korean and, as far as I have experienced, you just gained an extended family member.
No sooner did a group of my friends leave Hulk's but then another friend showed up to have dinner with me. Later on in the evening Snickers and our common friends video phoned me to wish me a good evening and to tell me all about their scuba diving. Five half naked Korean cuties sharing one cellphone camera, now if that doesn't cheer you up than I don't know what will.
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