"You're 34 and getting divorced, is that seriously the worst thing that could happen to you?!" I sarcastically told the girl sitting across from me at Starbucks today.
I had arrived early, was there to meet my gal pal, and so I got us a table. It was a downtown Starbucks so it was packed and finding an actual table to sit as was like finding gold. So there I sat, waiting for my friend when I couldn't help but overhear what the two gals at the next table were talking about. I won't go into the details of their conversation because, well, that's their conversation, but will note that I was quite to add in my two cents and jump into it. As it turns out, one of the two girls and I have so much in common; we're both in "debatable relationships" and fighting for our rights for happiness and love. The other friend sitting with this particular female, a happily married woman with a baby on the way. She noted that her baby is due February 16th and I gave a big "ohhhhhhhh". That's the day I left Canada and arrived in Korea many, many, MANY moons ago. "I guess it's a life changing day for both of us then", she noted. Yes, it definitely is in deed.
Slowly but surely I am most definitely making a new life for myself here and exposing the old one I left behind to friends and family. Feels good to be open and honest to those in my life, to be a real friend by making myself vulnerable to their questions, concerns, comments by letting them enter my head space and not putting up barriers. I think that's perhaps why I didn't really have many close friends in Korea. It wasn't because of the language barrier or difference in lifestyle, instead it was because of me. I didn't have many close friends because I wasn't a good friend. What I define as a good friend is someone who is open and honest but I couldn't be that in Korea, for various reasons, and so I didn't have very close friends because I couldn't be a good friend in return. You get what you give and that pretty much sums and explains my friendships in Korea.
Today within a matter of 10 minutes I had exposed more about my relationship with Snickers than I had with friends I've known for years. There's definitely not only a sense of safety that comes with being miles upon miles away from those who hurt me, in more ways than one, but also a feeling of relief and an ability to breathe.
I feel so free in Canada and though the strainer on what I write on my homepage is still holding strong, I seem to have lost a strainer on what I say to those in my life. I lost way too much life to hold back and not experience it now. Canada is my second chance at life and I'm not going to let it slip by or screw it up. I'm here to experience life to it's fullest!!!
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