I had coached my early morning Boxfit class but left after it. Usually I have my own boxing training to tend to. I had a meeting but it got postponed to another day so I could have gone back to box at the club but I didn't. Instead I decided to go home and flop out on my bed, think about things.
Perhaps yesterday's news was one of the best things to happen to me since I've arrived.
It was like a rude reality check for me to check who I'm surrounding myself with and who I'm leaning on. Those whom I'm very close with and see almost everyday are well aware of what went down yesterday. Queen Spar saw me bring my initial shock of it to early morning sparring, Coach Brown questioned me about it, Ginger Spice and I talked about it over coffee, and Double J sat there and watched me get teary eyed over it during boxing. Today Trainer J approached me while I was warming up on the spinning bike and he repeated to me what some of the others too have said about me needing to reevaluate the who, the why, and the what of those in my life and whether or not they really have my best interests in mind.
I spent a good part of the day sleeping, that's what I do when I'm extremely stressed. Instead of attacking the problem or issue I sleep. I sleep and then I wake up and drink a ton of coffee -- 5 cups of coffee today to be exact!
I canceled my sparring for tomorrow. I have too many people I have to talk to. I've have a long list of business contacts I have to discuss with because this time next week I refuse to be in the same uncomfortable position that I'm in today -- lost and confused.
With sparring canceled tomorrow I decided to head to System late and really go all out with my training. I did an extra long spinning warm-up, 12 rounds on the heavy bag, and then I did an intense upper body workout.
During my second last exercise, Mr. T approached me. He comes late Thursday night after his hockey to use the steam room and then shower; he doesn't actually train at System on Thursdays. He was surprised to see me so late. I got a big warm hug from him and then he asked me how things were with me. I shrugged his question off and said things were good but then stopped him and said, "No, this week has been so brutal... it's not even funny. I've got five dollars to my name." He looked at me shocked. He could see me getting teary-eyed so he then wrapped his arms around me and just stood there hugging me.
"Get yourself together, girl... come on", he said as he wiped my eyes.
"You're going to kill my tough girl image, big guy... I'm a boxer; a fighter."
A lot of people I really love gave me a lot of advice today and though it's all been positive and I'm so very grateful for it, it's going to be hard to put it into practice because I think doing what is best for me may be greeted with some resistance from others.
I really have to hire a manager.
I push myself at training and it's to the point that not only do trainers at System and my close friends but also my sponsors tell me I should really take a day off or ease up a bit. I push myself because if I don't who will?! Exactly. No one will. I have an incredible sense of self discipline and dedication when it comes to pushing myself at training and being consistent but I need someone to take me to the next level, not only with my training but with managing my career, marketing me and setting up fights. Right now it feels all too amateur and disorganized. In honesty though, I only can compare myself to my fellow pro boxers in Korea but I don't live in Korea anymore. I live in Canada. I want to train and fight as a Canadian boxer but all I have to go by are assumptions and my own thoughts. I need more direction. I need a manager.
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